Posted on 10/07/2019 1:42:52 PM PDT by GrandJediMasterYoda
The Cure for Toxic Positivity
hen my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer at age 52, I was flooded with emails, calls, and in-person pep talks from friends and acquaintances. Anyone who’d ever met me, it seemed, was eager to offer up a platitude. “Think positive,” they told me. “It will be okay. He’ll get through this.”
But his cancer didn’t go away, and neither did the deluge of optimism that flowed over both of us — my dad, the patient, and me, his sole caregiver. It was wearing him down, and me along with him.
During one visit, family acquaintances kept steering the conversation back to a supposed Amazonian miracle cure they’d read about. My dad should try it, they said. You never know. When I pointed out that he wasn’t exactly in a condition to travel to South America, they suggested I go hunt it down and bring it back.
(Excerpt) Read more at forge.medium.com ...
She’s got a point:
When you know that there is NO CHANCE of recovery, little Miss Suzy Sunshine and her “Everything will be just fine, don’t you worry about it.” attitude is the very definition of TOXIC.
It’s hard enough to deal with the inevitable loss of a loved one to incurable disease. Having a *know-nothing* come along and undermine your resolve is poisonous.
THAT is who the article is about, not generic positivity.
Phony optimism kills me.
I really prefer realism. Truth is a tonic.
Mr Persevero has been through it with cancer and it’s complications. I frankly hate the people who have this that or the other for sale to miracle cure him. They are stinking liars taking advantage of the most desperate people. A pox upon them.
Just be real with me.
Well they should name it something else because guaranteed the left is going to run with it and twist it into something entirely different “Trump speeches are toxic positivity”
There is a fine line between positivity and denial. Hope may spring eternal, but try jumping out a 30th-story window and hoping you’ll fly.
Honesty and hard truth is one of the most excellent ways. Never smite hope in the process though. Hope is a very strong elixir against despair and depression.
We must be careful in dismissing everything we see published. True, 90% of what’s in the Mainstream media is complete fabrication. We react, understandably, by assuming practically everything falls under that umbrella. Unfortunately, we, on occasion, stumble upon items that are completely legit. This is one of them. The word “toxic” triggers us because of the leftists constant abuse of the term. However, in this case, just talk honestly to a terminal person. All the “positive thinking” advice they receive really is just more stress for them. Think about it.
A close friend of mine died recently. It was not an easy final few months for her but she did have time to mend fences with her children and siblings. She had been living with major pain and stress for several years and that left her cranky. Once she realized that it would soon be over it gave her peace.
I miss her and will always miss her but I do not wish her back into a body that was racked with pain and a dependence on others that she found intolerable. No matter how well meaning the happy chirping of the "happy happy joy joy" crowd were they missed the fact that she was not unhappy to be going.
I think people reach a point where they hear enough stuff from so many people. I dont think we need a new term for people just getting worn out hearing so many platitiudes or upteen different ‘miracle’ cures.
Just because they used the word “toxic” doesn’t discount the effect. The problem is real. Folks think they are being helpful, but they are not. A few years back, I had a friend reveal his own cancer diagnosis to a group of friends. Having been through this before with close family members, one of his comments was “Please DON’T send me advice on my treatment, miracle cures, diets, or anything else. I have an oncology team I trust, and they will be my sole guide in my treatment. DO send me your prayers, wishes, support and love”.
Exactly! Someone with cancer who won’t or can’t travel to loopy Lucy house of weird cancer cures is treated as a “failure” or a “negative.” If they get worse or fail to get better, or if they die, it’s their fault. Cause they weren’t positive enough.
Words fail me to describe how cruel this is to the seriously ill.
And none of the folks with absolute pronouncements ever offered to pay for all this travel or treatment, either.
ONE well meaning man paid for Mr Persevero to visit a basically shaman. After telling him to do all sorts of weird new age things like hold his arms out then turn suddenly in to read body language, the shaman announced Me Persevero “did not want to be cured.” What an ASS
I was with my best friend for her last few days after she fought cancer for several years. Her close family and friends that had been with her through it all gathered around her. We saw the agony she was in and we told her it was ok to let go and that she had fought well. A few hours before she died a distant relation showed up and told her to get out of that bed and be healed. The rest of us wanted to throttle her.
I absolutely believe that Jesus can heal, but the greatest miracle of all is to be healed on the other side of eternity.
I have mixed emotions on this topic after caring for my father in his final months and hours. When his aortic aneurysm burst early his final morning on Earth, I knew the odds of survival were slim to none. At the same, I believed it was in God’s hands and it wasn’t up to me to decide that it was the end. I held my father’s and tried to be reassuring that no matter what happened, it was going to be okay.
Ask questions that help your friend or loved one develop the story they’re telling
When someone is telling you how awful something is, they want to talk about it. I've learned to sit and listen, and ask--
-Then what happened?
-Did he say why?
-What do you think that meant?
-Were you angry?
-Was it what you were expecting?
Just let them talk it out.
i needed to read that. thank you.
She sure does, euthanasia is good.
I had colorectal cancer. Did the chemo and radiation, and held a federal supervisory position. The chemo was the early walkaroumd box type, and the radiation was james bond on the laser table stomach down. And yes, after surgery i had both again. It does wear you down, you do start questioning, is this it? BUT YOU GO ON!! If the dr. said, the ride is almost over for you, YOU GO ON. Why? To give up, just swallow your pistol, it’s the same thing, but drawn out.
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