Dave Barry is a funny SOB
I had my first colonoscopy at 50. The colonoscopy was nothing, really. The bad part was drinking 5 gallons of some awful tasting liquid that goes through you like crap through a goose. I turned 60 this year and dreaded my second.
Imagine my ‘disappointment’ when at my annual physical my doctor told me “oh, we’ll just have you perform a ColoGuard test.”
Crapping into an ice bucket is much better than the colon prep ‘binge and purge’ routine.
I can’t stop laughing!
Oldy, but goody. Been there, done that, and was telling the doctor off afterwards due to the drugs. So embarrassing.
Good Lord! I am reading this (5:42 AM 23 AUG 2019) while waiting to go for my own colonoscopy, scheduled sometime after 8 AM. This is my second go-round, having had my first in Colorado sometime in 2008. All I remember about that one was waking up BEFORE IT WAS OVER. The 17 thousand foot long tube Barry talks about was STILL INSERTED! It didn’t hurt, but I think I woke up early because I was having a bad dream about PRISON RAPE!
Dave Barry’s writing is so much fun to read. I remember reading this, still such wonderful humor.
Ha. Thought this sounded familiar. I posted it originally in 2008. Here’s the longer version....
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1975542/posts
Remember Katie Couric’s on the air colonoscopy?
It would be funnier if Dave wrote about the prep.
Prep was very easy with Gatorade mixture. I had to quip to my surgeon, “...so, do you meet a lot of @$$hole$ in this business??!!” The next memory was waking up and all done. 3 years until the next one. All very extremely easy to do.
Prep was worst part. Put to sleep for rest. One moment I am on my side and next moment I am waking up. “See you in 5 years. Everything is normal.”
If you need one get one.
Uncle died from colon cancer and it was miserable.
A colonoscopy with an ostomy is yet another adventure of its own. For the uninitiated, that means they go in through the front of your gut, since you have no rectum to access.
dave barry is great reading. my fave was the Oregon exploding whale
I’ll have to remember some of these when I have my next colonoscopy. During my last colonoscopy which was right before Christmas, my doctor asked if I had the procedure before. When I replied that I had undergone a colonoscopy, a sigmoidoscopy and two barium enemas, he sang...and a partridge in a pear tree. We were all laughing.
A very good friend of mine died of colo-rectal cancer because he was, for whatever the reason, dead set against having a colonoscopy. He was in his early fifties.