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Decaf Coffee Condemned As Heresy
The Babylon Bee ^ | 2 Nov. 18 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 11/04/2018 5:26:57 AM PST by Politically Correct

ST LOUIS, MO—In an ecumenical council convened in St. Louis last week, the use of decaf coffee was condemned as rank heresy.

The evangelical summit unanimously voted to define as heresy the "belief that decaf coffee is of any value, and good for anything other than being trampled under foot."

"It is a wolf in sheep's clothing. It devours the unsuspecting. It doesn't even taste good, for crying out loud," said renowned New Testament scholar NT Wright during the summit. "I call on Christians of all stripes to forcefully reject this imposter gospel."

The council rejected a motion to name Keurig K-cups anathema, claiming the use of such brewers falls under the umbrella of "Christian liberty." Pumpkin spice was also almost condemned, but that motion was narrowly defeated by the summit's female attendees.

Non-alcoholic beer was also condemned at the summit.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: coffee; decaf
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To: Chickensoup

Me too. I like the taste of coffee. Coffee, coffee candy, coffee ice cream... I drink decafe for the coffee taste, but not the effects of caffeine.


21 posted on 11/04/2018 9:11:33 AM PST by virgil (The evil that men do lives after them)
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To: Politically Correct

Who in his right mind learns to tolerate the taste of that swill only to forego its chief benefit? The very idea is as loopy as alcohol-free beer!


22 posted on 11/04/2018 11:04:31 AM PST by Paal Gulli
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To: DugwayDuke

Using that dehydrated water to brew decaf coffee would be a great solution to the whole damn problem!


23 posted on 11/04/2018 11:08:05 AM PST by right way right (May we remain sober over mere men, for God really is our only true hope.,)
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To: Politically Correct

The heretics...must burn...


24 posted on 11/04/2018 11:09:53 AM PST by Billthedrill
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To: Politically Correct

Eagle Flag


25 posted on 11/04/2018 2:39:13 PM PST by aMorePerfectUnion
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To: Politically Correct

For health reasons, I had to give up straight coffee. But the 1/2 decaf is OK, and it tastes good to me. I like it black, no cream, and it gives me a lift that plain decaf doesn’t. But glad the choices are out there. I also like it with a spoonful of cocoa in it.


26 posted on 11/04/2018 2:45:22 PM PST by Exit148 ( (Loose Change Club founder) Put yours aside for the next Freepathon!)
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To: Politically Correct

Fat free cheese should be next.

L


27 posted on 11/04/2018 2:47:02 PM PST by Lurker (President Trump isn't our last chance. President Trump is THEIR last chance.)
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To: Texas Eagle

“You can add cheese pizza and bean burritos to the list.”

When we find a new pizza place a small cheese pizza is what we order. If they can’t do that right then nothing else is worth trying.

As to bean burritos....what are they?

L


28 posted on 11/04/2018 2:48:40 PM PST by Lurker (President Trump isn't our last chance. President Trump is THEIR last chance.)
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To: Lurker

In other words, a straight cardboard diet with pulp pasta on the side.


29 posted on 11/04/2018 2:52:14 PM PST by Cvengr ( Adversity in life & death is inevitable; Stress is optional through faith in Christ.)
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To: Cvengr

Believe me, a properly made small cheese pizza with real buffalo mozzarella is a thing of beauty. Some hand crushed San Marzano tomatoes, and a sprinkle of chopped fresh basil cooked in a 650 degree oven for about 4 minutes.

Perfection.

L


30 posted on 11/04/2018 2:56:47 PM PST by Lurker (President Trump isn't our last chance. President Trump is THEIR last chance.)
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To: Paal Gulli
The very idea is as loopy as alcohol-free beer!

I used to drink beer often and frequently in excess. Having a couple of family members who were alcoholics made me stop and think one day and I decided to forego alcohol from that point on. I still have a craving for malt once in awhile and I'll satisfy it with some no-alcohol beer. Some the newer offerings on the market aren't too bad.

31 posted on 11/04/2018 4:46:16 PM PST by CommerceComet (Hillary: A unique blend of arrogance, incompetence, and corruption.)
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