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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back – eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”

Dr. Geezer: An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s Clinic. Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000.”

Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?” Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.” Dr. Young: “Aaagh ! -This is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.” Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, - that is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak - I can hardly see anything! Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “ Here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill). Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.” Moral of story - Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer.”

A man died and left a will that designated $30,000 to cover an elaborate funeral. After the funeral a family friend asked the man’s widow how much of the money she used for the funeral. “All of it,” she replied. “The funeral was $6,500, I donated $500 to the church, the food and refreshments were another $500, and the rest went toward the memorial stone.” After a quick calculation, the friend said, “You spent $22,500 on a memorial stone? How big is it?” “Two and a half carats,” the widow replied.

LOL!

Initially I was not going to read it, but then curiosity got the better of me and read it.

It is indeed amusing.

Fortunately it doesn’t happen to everyone.

My Mother lived to age 97, but her brain was better than that of many other much younger people.

I hope I inherited some of those good genes.

I went to Lowes about a month ago and when I came out my car was gone. I covered the whole general area where I knew I had parked, though remembered walking by the front of the store to go in.

I went in to call the police on their phone (mine was in the car) and couldn’t get it to work so, in the meantime I decided to scour the whole lot. I went out that doorway and there was my car. Parked right where I left it.

I had gone there twice that day and was remembering where I parked on the FIRST trip. And I didn’t walk by the front of the store, I DROVE by it when I parked the second time.

Is it the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning of the end?

Or is it just the end...

An old couple was driving up I35 north of Dallas when they were pulled over by DPS.

The officer asked the driver if he knew how fast he was going and the old guy replied, “70.”

The old wife said, “What,d he say?” The old man told her.

The officer said, “The limit here is 45.”

The wife asked, “What’d he say?” The old man told her.

The trooper looked at the old man’s license and started chuckling. The old man asked what was funny.

The trooper replied, “You’re from Oklahoma. I had a girl friend from Ardmore. Worst nookie I ever got.”

The old lady ask, “What,d he say?” The husband replied, “He thinks he knows you.”