Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back – eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”
A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding on a Texas highway. He asks for her driver’s license and registration. When she opens her wallet, he notices a conceal-carry permit.
He asks, “Ma’am, do you have a weapon in your possession at this time?”
She responds that she has a .38 Special in her purse. And a .45 in her glove box. And a 9mm Glock in the center console. And a shotgun in the trunk.
“Jesus, lady,” says the cop. “What are you so afraid of?”
The old lady looks him in the eye and says, “Not a (beeping) thing.”
Excellent!!!!!
3 nursing home residents were talking about aging outside of their nursing home. The 60 year old resident said “60 is the worst age to be. You constantly feel like you have to pee but most of the time nothing happens.”
The 70 year old resident responds “That’s nothing compared to being 70. You can’t take a crap anymore. You eat all of the bran and take laxatives you can and still nothing happens.”
The 80 year old said, “You’re both wrong. 80 is actually the worst.”
The 60 year old asked the 80 year old, “Do you have trouble peeing too?” He responded, “No. I go at 6 every morning. I have no problem at all.”
The 70 year old asked him, “Do you have trouble taking a crap?” “No, I go at 6:30 each morning” the 80 year old responded.
The 60 year old said “Let me understand you clearly. You go #1 every morning at 6am and #2 every morning half an hour later. What’s so hard about being 80?”
The 80 year old concluded, “All of those things are true, but I don’t wake up until 10am.”
LOL! That’s a good one.