Posted on 05/18/2018 2:46:13 PM PDT by sodpoodle
I's been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead 8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf. 8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what's going on. 8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. 8:45 Local TV news crew shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist. 8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter. 9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during this difficult weather. 9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. 9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot. Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the America we live in today!
_____________________________________________________ Here's more from the past. WORDS OF WISDOM
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. King David
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sasha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous
The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
Dumas
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays'
Red Skelton
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Henny Youngman
A FReeper, an illegal immigrant and a socialist are walking down the beach.
One of them finds a lamp, rubs it and out pops a genie.
G: Thanks for freeing me from the lamp. I’m in a hurry, so I’ll give you each one wish.
II: I’d like all my brothers and sisters to be free of the oppression of ICE and all the Yankee Gov’t.
POOF!...and he’s gone!
FR: Where’d he go?
G: I sent him and all his brother and sister illegals back to their countries. Now, tell me what you guys want.
S: I’d like for myself and all likeminded socialists to live in a country that honors Marx and loaths capitalism.
POOF!....and he’s gone too.
FR: Where’d HE go?
G: I sent him and all his fellow socialists to Venezuella. Now, like I said, I’m busy. What is it YOU want?
FR: Are you telling me that in ALL of America there are no more illegals or socialists?
G: Yup, that’s right. Now let’s go, tell me what you want!
The FReeper sits in the sand, thinks for a minute, looks up at the genie and says, “Ya know, I think I’d like a Coke.”
Good ones sodpoddle.
I complained to my dentist, “My teeth are yellow”.
He said, “Get a brown tie.”
Henny Youngman
The doctor asked the woman if she ever woke up grumpy in the morning.
She answered, “No, I just let him sleep.”
A woman met with a divorce lawyer. The conversation went as such:
“Okay, I understand you want a divorce. Tell me, do you have grounds?”
“Yes, we have acre up near Ocala.” she replied.
“No, I mean, does he ever beat you up?”
“No,” she answered, “I usually get up an hour before he does.”
“Ok, but do you have a grudge?”
“No, we have a carport.”
“I give up!,” he exclaims, “Why do you want a divorce?”
“Well, we just don’t seem to communicate.”, she says.
I’ve heard that men are like fine wine...
And it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they’re mature enough to have dinner with. ;o)
“Excuse Me Sir
How would YOU describe the Ideal Woman?
What would she be?
...Oh Oh not me, I wouldn’t know nothing about that...
...I’m a I’m a I’m a ba - ba - Bachelor myself.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3bxPEk_jp8
Where is it snowing in America now? Do you live in Alaska or on a mountain above 6,000 feet? How many neighbors could you possibly have at that altitude?
Thanks for the laughs -— we need all we can get.
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