h/t Pookie18
Posted on 05/18/2018 2:46:13 PM PDT by sodpoodle
I's been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead 8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf. 8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what's going on. 8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. 8:45 Local TV news crew shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist. 8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am being blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter. 9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble during this difficult weather. 9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. 9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot. Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the America we live in today!
_____________________________________________________ Here's more from the past. WORDS OF WISDOM
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. King David
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sasha Guitry
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous
The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
Dumas
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays'
Red Skelton
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Henny Youngman
Bookmark
Love your jokes!!!!
Keep on doing what you do. If you have a “ping” list, I would like to be on it.
Thanks.
The great question, which I have not been able to answer... is, “What does a woman want?”
—
That’s from Sigmund Freud, the entire quote is -
“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’”
I you had told all of them to “F*ck *ff or you’d call the cops on them” for harassing you - you would probably :
Have 3 of THEM voiding their bladders/rectums right there on the ground shuddering in fetal position
Have several more hustling away in righteous indignation heading for their ‘safeplaces’
Have the rest get an endorphin rush that all Attention Whores get when they receive ANY attention at all (including derision and dismissal from other people).
-
Yes a theoretical parable of our current leftist enabled societal insanity
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!
Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.
So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want even when they say, "nothing" I want know what makes them happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
I thought Mel Gibson had answered the question of “WHAT WOMEN WANT.” They want a pair of Nike running shoes. Or did I miss something?
Well, I can handle that!
But I’d probably go more for the type who just wants good ol’ plain blue/white gym tennis shoes from Payless.
+101!
Please add me to your jokes Ping list.
If a dinner jacket is for dinner. and a smoking jacket is for smoking, what’s a windbreaker for?
Author unknown
I was so nervous on my honeymoon, I put my pants to bed and hung over a chair all night!
Rodney Dangerfield
I am aging like a fine wine!
I get more complex and fruity all the time!
When I was 20 my boyfriend said he had something very special for me.
I thought it was an engagement ring.
It was a pair of Nikes.
We never married.
bookmark
An exchange between a census worker and the man who answers the door:
CW: Your name?
Man: Adam.
CW: Your wife’s name?
Man: Eve
CW: chuckling...And I suppose your gonna tell me that Satan is here as well.
Man: Hold on ... Eve ... the man wants to talk to your mom.
h/t Pookie18
The phone rings at the front desk of a swanky high rise hotel. The desk manager (DM) sees that the call is from a guest (G) on the 15th floor.
DM: Front desk, may I help you?
G: My wife and I are have a terrible fight. She is so upset that she is threatening to jump out the window.
DM: Well, I’m very sorry that your are not enjoying your stay at our hotel, but I don’t really see what we can do. This seems to be a personal issue.
G: You would think...but you see, the window won’t open, and that’s a hotel maintenance issue.
I do like your sense of humor, sodpoodle!
“* In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.”
Henny Youngman
do be careful about getting too fruity
or you’ll have to move to Californication
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