Posted on 03/12/2018 9:33:28 AM PDT by snarkpup
MURFREESBORO, TN—Middle Tennessee Baptist Church was having problems with church members failing to silence their phones during service.
But not anymore, thanks to the church’s new, state-of-the-art ejection system installed in every seat throughout the sanctuary.
...
“We hope he’s alright, but most of all, we hope that next time he visits, he turns that puppy on vibrate,” he added.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
bump
Left out that visitor was killed as his body penetrated both the sanctuary ceiling and then the roof where a rafter severed his head........and that the damage to the building was over $10,000.00.
Saints in sanctuary went into shock as blood continued to drip from the hole in the ceiling and could not return to building for weeks. Repairs closed the sanctuary for weeks as well.
Typical results of Baptists giving such control to the pastor and having a committee make the decision for the system when neither had thought through the unintended consequences..........
;-)
A trap door under each seat would be easier and safer. If someone is ejected they will land somewhere.
Installing jammers would solve the problem. Inform the people that their phones will be scrambled and fried if left on.
“We have installed new software in the church. Please put your phone in one of these little fireproof sacks because it rings it will catch fire and burn you.”
Can’t remember the last time I heard a phone ring in church.
Now that would be funny!
Every choir has a few of those...
HELLO , WAAAAAAAAAAAA
We need to install ejection seats in Congress and the press room.
Dead poets society , call from God
Long ago in my teen years (over 50 years) when my Explorer Scout post members and I were returning from a canoe trip, we got to spend the night at an AF base and received a tour that included being allowed to sit in the cockpits of one or more planes. The ejection seat handle was pointed out to us as the thing NOT TO EVEN TOUCH. We also noticed the hangar’s roof was painted red, possibly to conceal the blood stains from those WHO HAD TOUCHED THE HANDLE. We concluded any such former person was probably buried by burying the putty knives and Brillo pads that were used to clean up his remains.
“Long ago in my teen years (over 50 years) when my Explorer Scout post members and I were returning from a canoe trip, we got to spend the night at an AF base and received a tour that included being allowed to sit in the cockpits of one or more planes. The ejection seat handle was pointed out to us as the thing NOT TO EVEN TOUCH. We also noticed the hangar’s roof was painted red, possibly to conceal the blood stains from those WHO HAD TOUCHED THE HANDLE. We concluded any such former person was probably buried by burying the putty knives and Brillo pads that were used to clean up his remains.”
64 years ago (I was 7), John Glenn helped me into the seat of the Mercury Capsule on Langley Air Force Base. I can still hear him telling me, “DON’T touch anything, and especially DON’T push any buttons.”
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