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Church Installs Ejection Seats To Remove Members Whose Phones Ring During Service
The Babylon Bee ^ | March 13, 2017

Posted on 03/12/2018 9:33:28 AM PDT by snarkpup

MURFREESBORO, TN—Middle Tennessee Baptist Church was having problems with church members failing to silence their phones during service.

But not anymore, thanks to the church’s new, state-of-the-art ejection system installed in every seat throughout the sanctuary.

...

“We hope he’s alright, but most of all, we hope that next time he visits, he turns that puppy on vibrate,” he added.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Humor; Religion
KEYWORDS:
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To: snarkpup

bump


21 posted on 03/12/2018 10:16:39 AM PDT by timestax
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To: snarkpup

Left out that visitor was killed as his body penetrated both the sanctuary ceiling and then the roof where a rafter severed his head........and that the damage to the building was over $10,000.00.

Saints in sanctuary went into shock as blood continued to drip from the hole in the ceiling and could not return to building for weeks. Repairs closed the sanctuary for weeks as well.

Typical results of Baptists giving such control to the pastor and having a committee make the decision for the system when neither had thought through the unintended consequences..........

;-)


22 posted on 03/12/2018 10:16:59 AM PDT by Arlis
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To: Arlis

A trap door under each seat would be easier and safer. If someone is ejected they will land somewhere.

Installing jammers would solve the problem. Inform the people that their phones will be scrambled and fried if left on.

“We have installed new software in the church. Please put your phone in one of these little fireproof sacks because it rings it will catch fire and burn you.”


23 posted on 03/12/2018 10:30:50 AM PDT by oldasrocks (rump)
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To: snarkpup

Can’t remember the last time I heard a phone ring in church.


24 posted on 03/12/2018 10:42:17 AM PDT by subterfuge (RIP T.P.)
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To: Pappy Smear

Now that would be funny!


25 posted on 03/12/2018 10:43:44 AM PDT by Not A Snowbird (Formerly SandyInSeattle cuz I moved!)
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To: RushIsMyTeddyBear
I know a seriously annoying busybody in our choir I would love to press the button on. 😏

Every choir has a few of those...

26 posted on 03/12/2018 10:46:03 AM PDT by Not A Snowbird (Formerly SandyInSeattle cuz I moved!)
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To: Not A Snowbird
Truth. 😁
27 posted on 03/12/2018 10:53:43 AM PDT by RushIsMyTeddyBear (Screw The NFL!!!!!! My family fought for the flag!)
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To: snarkpup

HELLO , WAAAAAAAAAAAA


28 posted on 03/12/2018 11:03:46 AM PDT by butlerweave
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To: snarkpup

We need to install ejection seats in Congress and the press room.


29 posted on 03/12/2018 11:10:56 AM PDT by bgill (CDC site, "We don't know how people are infected with Ebola.")
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To: snarkpup

Dead poets society , call from God


30 posted on 03/12/2018 11:26:47 AM PDT by South Dakota (We need a real independent investigation of Bill/Hillary and Obama's actions)
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To: BuffaloJack

Long ago in my teen years (over 50 years) when my Explorer Scout post members and I were returning from a canoe trip, we got to spend the night at an AF base and received a tour that included being allowed to sit in the cockpits of one or more planes. The ejection seat handle was pointed out to us as the thing NOT TO EVEN TOUCH. We also noticed the hangar’s roof was painted red, possibly to conceal the blood stains from those WHO HAD TOUCHED THE HANDLE. We concluded any such former person was probably buried by burying the putty knives and Brillo pads that were used to clean up his remains.


31 posted on 03/12/2018 1:00:05 PM PDT by libstripper
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To: snarkpup
Reminds me of the catapult scene from, “Robin Hood, Men in Tights.” Also of a long ago newspaper story that included the terms “girl friend” and “trebuchet.”
32 posted on 03/12/2018 1:02:48 PM PDT by libstripper
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To: libstripper

“Long ago in my teen years (over 50 years) when my Explorer Scout post members and I were returning from a canoe trip, we got to spend the night at an AF base and received a tour that included being allowed to sit in the cockpits of one or more planes. The ejection seat handle was pointed out to us as the thing NOT TO EVEN TOUCH. We also noticed the hangar’s roof was painted red, possibly to conceal the blood stains from those WHO HAD TOUCHED THE HANDLE. We concluded any such former person was probably buried by burying the putty knives and Brillo pads that were used to clean up his remains.”

64 years ago (I was 7), John Glenn helped me into the seat of the Mercury Capsule on Langley Air Force Base. I can still hear him telling me, “DON’T touch anything, and especially DON’T push any buttons.”


33 posted on 03/12/2018 1:11:59 PM PDT by BuffaloJack (Chivalry is not dead. It is a warriors code and only practiced by warriors.)
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