Posted on 02/14/2018 7:34:08 AM PST by libertylover
(SUPPOSEDLY )AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last...
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket...
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2017-01-17, 1:43 am. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.
She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done.
Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Trump as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours, Semper fi,
I want to believe.
That’s called “kidnapping” and “larceny”. You can’t hold a gun to anyone’s head and take money from them.
So many admitted crimes by that guy, I don’t believe it.
Weird Al - Craigslist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4sALru9IJk
Too much detail also.
LOL!
Marry her now.
Funny story, but I don’t believe it.
Nice!
>>That’s called “kidnapping” and “larceny”.<<
Actually, “armed robbery” as well as numerous other crimes including destruction of private property and filing a false police/FBI report.
Reads more like what he wishes had happened. Walter Mitty....
Of course he never did most of those things.
Thanks libertylover. I didn't care that he turned the tables on the guy. The string of crimes he claims to have committed will get him into hot water if the stories are true. *He's* the one making the threatening calls, *he's* the one who vandalized a car, etc.
Criminal on criminal crime.
That ad is about 10yrs old.
If a true story, the teller should be in jail.
There's even a South African version.
Still funny though :)
He had the dude's ID. How does he not know his name?
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