Posted on 11/10/2017 2:05:40 AM PST by sodpoodle
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, “What's the story?”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her driver’s license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together!
Just yesterday they took my license away and now today you expect me to show it to you?”
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You're not really a redhead, are you?”
“Well, no,” she said, “I'm actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor said, “Your finger is broken”
KNITTING
A Highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!”
“NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT'S A SCARF!”
BLONDE ON TIME
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named “Rolex” and one was named “Timex”.
Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
“Helllooooo...! ,” answered the blonde. “They're watchdogs.”
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that all the other girls were using their arms.
..........................
Did you hear about the woman who had bruises all around her belly button?
She had a blonde boyfriend.
What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes? An interpreter.
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds... I could not believe this! It is from
an orthopedic surgeon.............. This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t. It is pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles...
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ‘6’ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so! And there’s nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you’ve not already done so.
Send it to your friends to frustrate them too
A blonde gets pulled over by a cop. The woman cop, who is also a blonde, walks up and asks to see her drivers license.
The driver appears to be confused as she paws through her purse, picking out one thing after another, looking at it and discarding it.
Frustrated, the cop says, “It’s a small rectangular thing with your picture on it.”
The driver squeaks, “OH! Here it is!” and hands a small makeup mirror to the cop.
The cop takes it, looks at it, looks back at the driver, looks back and the mirror...and then hands it back to the driver.
The cop says, “Why didn’t you just tell me you were a cop in the first place?!”
“So what is a “mixed gender”? I can understand someone who is not quite certain if they are male or female, it happens pretty regularly (sarc)”
Assuming the “sarc” is just for the second sentence and not for the first, interrogative sentence:
They taught me in English class back in the day that in the English language there are three genders, male (he, etc.), female (she, etc.) and neuter (it). Other languages have the same three genders, and some may have more.
Most English words are not gender specific but that is not true for other languages. From the French, “blond” refers to male and “blonde” refers to female. From Spanish, “Latino” refers to male and “Latina” refers to female.
Other languages have a specific male or female assignment to words which are considered neuter in the English language. In some cases, the linguistic gender assignment for what in English would be a neuter assignment is mixed or uncertain.
The modern left has botched up the linguistic concept of “gender”.
Or perhaps a group of blond men and blonde women?
Two blondes walk into a bar and ask to rent the back room, and for 2 cases of champagne, because they are going to have a celebration party for their club.
In a few minutes, a group of blondes walk in off the street, chanting, “51 days!, 51 days!, 51 days!”. The bartender just points to the back room, and they all go back and have a great time, occasionally breaking into chants of “51 days!, 51 days!”
When the party is over, the original two come out to settle the bill and the bartender asks, “What kind of club was that, and why the ‘51 days!’ chanting?”
“Oh,” says one, “We’re a jigsaw puzzle club, and the last one we all put together said 2 to 4 years, and we put it together in only 51 days!”
Please see post 57...
Very good! thanks
A blonde and her husband were in bed, but couldn’t get to sleep because the next-door neighbors’ dog kept barking and barking. Finally the blonde said, “I’ve had enough of this!” She threw the covers aside and stormed out of the bedroom.
A few minutes later the blonde came back. The husband said, “Where did you go? The dog is still barking.”
The blonde replied, “I picked up the dog and put him in OUR yard. Let’s see how THEY like it!”
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