Cavalry of the University of Chicago
Posted on 10/08/2017 5:51:20 AM PDT by SandRat
Last week, my compadres and I traveled to El Reno, Oklahoma to participate in the National Cavalry Competition. The competition is hosted annually by the U.S. Cavalry Association and is attended by six different Army horse detachments as well as cavalry re-enactor organizations. The competition includes events in horsemanship, jumping, pistol, and saber designed to test the ability of cavalrymen to employ combat skills while riding a horse.
For some reason, I chose to ride the Wonder Horse in this competition. We call him the Wonder Horse because it is a wonder he hasn’t killed anyone. It is hard to explain why we like to ride him. He is not normal. Riding the Wonder Horse is like taking addictive drugs. Once you’ve ridden him, you just can’t stop.
The Wonder Horse sees jump obstacles as a personal affront to his very existence. When he goes over a jump, he assumes that if any part of his body touches a jump rail, he will be contaminated. He clears jumps with as much air between him and the obstacle as he can manage.
The evil sadist that designed this year’s jump course put in a triple combination—a series of three jumps set close together. To make matters worse, the course designer offset the obstacles and made the middle one a corner jump — that is two poles arranged in a V shape like the corner of a pasture fence. Upon entering the course, the Wonder Horse easily cruised through all the jumps up to the point where we reached the triple combination. While, we are accustomed to double combinations, neither the Wonder Horse or I had ever seen a triple combination before.
Now, most equestrians approach jumping in a very skilled and disciplined manner. They know how to set the horse up for the jump and apply the appropriate aids to get the horse through. Riding the Wonder Horse isn't like that. You just point him at the jump and try to hold on.
As we entered the triple combination, Wonder Horse apparently didn't like what he saw and resolved to get through this nightmare as soon as possible. As we began the combination, I think I saw contrails coming off of his ears. There may even have been a sonic boom. Clearing the first horizontal with his hooves at least twenty feet higher than necessary, we touched down briefly before taking the next jump. Well, we didn't exactly take it. Wonder Horse decided to exit stage left by employing a stunning 90-degree turn at warp speed. The annoying, shrieking lump clinging to his back turned out to be a useful battering ram for removing an offending jump wing that was blocking his escape. This tactic apparently seemed like good sport to Wonder Horse, so he veered back into the combination to take down the last jump, reducing it to debris and igniting a small fire. Suddenly tired of the game, he slammed on the brakes and put my beaten and bloody, slightly smoldering body over his left shoulder where I slid slowly to the turf like a big juicy smashed bug slipping off the grill of a Buick. Once safely on the grass, I showed Mother Earth my appreciation by kissing the ground.
I never claimed to be much of a cavalry rider. Accurately shooting balloons and stabbing saber targets while navigating an obstacle course on a horse is a skill set I’ve never really mastered. However, while the Wonder Horse and I may not ever win the gold, at least we can provide quality entertainment. And that’s got to count for something.
Christopher Zimmerman is a stable manager from Whetstone who masquerades as a humor writer when not recovering from riding accidents.
That was funny.
LOL! He has a way with words and the turn of a phrase.
LOL, been there, done that.
Sounds like a great horse with a rider who loves him. Perfect combo!
Vivid and amusing description. I’m glad the horse and rider seem to have survived without major injury.
Reminds me of my dearly missed small but, tough, Appaloosa mare, Missy. She and the Wonder Horse would have instantly understood one another.
STOMPED is long ago joined the herd in the sky.
This was hilarious and I can totally relate - thanks for posting! The mare I used to ride in hunter shows HATED jumping. We had to enter at least one jumping class to get into the under saddle classes for each division. She was great in the under saddle classes - beautiful mover & usually placed well or won. There was no ‘rating’ her (adjusting stride to get into fences & fence combos properly) and it was a nightmare (no pun intended) trying to get her around a course. The worst injury I had was coming off when she did a sudden balk, flipping in the air, & landing squarely on both feet on concrete-hard ground. I jammed both ankles severely - doc said a fraction of an inch either way and I would have broken them. Getting my boots off was horrible - almost had to cut them off. Anyway, she ended up being a wonderful brood mare which appealed to her a lot more than being ridden. By the time she had to be put down at age 29, we had 20 years together & were old friends - I still miss her to this day.
Got to bring the reward or there will be a problem haha
Stomp got either an Apple or 2 Carrots in my new hat after that.
Horses have a mind of their own, that’s for sure. Sometimes a person just hangs on for the ride. (Speaking from experience)
Good horsie
My father was in the cavalry, pre WWII. He had a thoroughbred named Tex who loved to jump so much he would jump over nothing several times prior to getting to the actual fence. He really loved that horse!
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