Friday Foolishness

friends' email circulating on web | 7/21/2017 | unknown

[sodpoodle]

Oldies but goodies.

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Most common among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500."

Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."

Sharon Stone

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."

Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

Robin Williams

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !"

Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom ."

Joan Rivers

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.

Steve Martin

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-..aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.

Elmo Phillips

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns

[sodpoodle]

GOLF OVER A LIFETIME

Two guys grow up together. After college one moves to Michigan, the other to Florida. They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach and play golf.

At age 30, they finish their round of golf and go to lunch. “Where you wanna go?" "Hooters.” “Why?” “Well, you know, they got the gals with the big racks, and the tight shorts, and the legs …” “OK.”

Ten years later at age 40 they play. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters. “Why?” “Well, you know, they got cold beer, and the big screen TVs, and everybody has a little action on the games.” “OK.”

Ten years later at age 50 they play. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking.” ”OK.”

At age 60 they play. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “Wings are half price.” “OK”

At age 70 they play. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door.” “OK.”

At age 80 they play. “Where you wanna go?” “Hooters.” “Why?” “We’ve never been there before.”

[sodpoodle]

Read before the thread is pulled:) LOL!!

[bk1000]

Thanks for the chuckles!

[sodpoodle]

YW.

Laughter = the lifeline in troubled times.

[freedumb2003]

Very funny — hard to choose the best but
“Monogamy” made me LOL

[A_perfect_lady]

Two buddies are playing golf and ahead they see two women also playing. But the women are slow and the men want to ask if they can play through. One fellow starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

First fellow replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"

So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks, "What happened?"

Friend replies, "Small world."

[Boogieman]

“Elmo Phillips”

*Emo Phillips

[Boogieman]

Q: What’s the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket?

A: A pickpocket snatches watches...

- Redd Foxx

[sodpoodle]

Very clever & very funny;) Have to wonder what the women will say when they notice the two guys???????

[Boogieman]

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin

[sodpoodle]

Those are great quotes, keep ‘em coming;) Thx.

[Boogieman]

“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” - Steven Wrigh