Posted on 09/30/2016 6:04:57 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Will someone translate this election, please?
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Translator gets 400 words to translate.
Client: How long will it take?
Translator: About a week.
Client: A whole week for just 400 words? God created the world in 6 days.
Translator: Then just take a look at this world and afterwards take a look at my translation.
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Two translators on a ship are talking.
“Can you swim?” asks one.
“No” says the other, “but I can shout for help in nine languages.”
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The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”: –
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favor of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with the “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling k-an be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”‘s in the language is disgracful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaiining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!
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Two cops are hanging around on a corner in the former East Germany shortly after the Wall fell.
Up ride two bicyclists from England, looking for directions.
"I don't speak German," one says to one of the cops, "Might you speak English?"
The cops shrug with incomprehension.
"Parlez vous francais," the biker says, non-plussed.
More shrugs.
"Parla Italiano?"
Shrugs
"Habla Espanol?"
Same thing. The guy even tries Portuguese and Latin, no luck.
Finally the bikers ride off, frustrated.
One cop looks at the other and says, "Hey, that guy spoke 6 languages!"
The first one shrugs one last time. "Yeah well, what good did it do him?"
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Funny Translator - Sign Language
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Funny Translator - She's fluent in 7 languages
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#1 – Expect The Darker Side Of Humanity To Appear.
Researchers have long known that the full moon has an impact on human psychology. A black full moon teeters this impact into ‘negative’ territory. In other words, prepare to witness the darker side of yourself and those around you.
Feelings such as hatred and envy will be quite prominent on Friday the 30th.
Try not to get too overwhelmed by this. A look at the dark side of humanity can actually bring quite a few benefits. By taking such a look, you can gain a more accurate picture of who you are. Once you’ve got that picture, you can take the necessary steps towards becoming your best self.
#2 – Expect Your Gender Identity To Shift.
Carl Jung pioneered the idea of the ‘anima.’ This concept refers to the innate ability of both men and women to display characteristics associated with the opposite gender.
For example, the anima in men refers to a male’s feminine side. Astrologists credit the black moon with awakening one’s anima.
This does not mean you’ll be attracted to members of your own sex on Friday the 30th. In fact, it has nothing to do with sexual orientation at all.
All it means is that, if you identify as male you will feel very in touch with your feminine side as a result of the black moon and vice versa.
This can be a great time to explore yourself. If you’re in a relationship, it might help you better relate to your partner.
#3 – Expect An Increase In Creativity.
A normal full moon causes a burst in creativity. A black moon takes that one step further. It’s only natural; according to research, creativity comes from a very dark place.
This Friday the 30th, you can expect a major boost in creative drive and ambition. A few great ways to make use of this include journaling, painting or songwriting. Who knows, you just might end up with a deep, thoughtful piece of work you’re super proud of!
IBTP
Top 5
Good morning, and thank you for Silliness every Friday!
Top ‘O the Morning!!
Top 10! Best part of my week!
A comeback to people who brag about their language abilities: They’re a crashing bore in ten languages.
Top Ten!
TOP 10???
TGIF Everyone !!
TOP— something. Again. Thanks for the ping, Lucky! Fridays are good!
HAPPY FRIDAY!!!
Good Morning!
:-)
“the anima in men refers to a male’s feminine side”
Never heard of anima, but I can absolutely guarantee there’s nothing whatsoever feminine about the guys in my life, and there’s nothing at all masculine about me.
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