The scourge of Indian IT Recruiters

8/26/2016 | By Laz A. Mataz

[Lazamataz]

For about a decade and a half, I have heard horror stories of Indian IT outsourcing. I have not seen the horror stories become realized -- for the most part, the crap you get out of Indian offshore IT is, well, crap.

It is not crap because of their skill, in some cases. I have found that while 65% of Indian IT 'professionals' overstate their skill, the remaining 35% can do the job.

The issue is the cultural differences. In the case of most Indians, some 90%, they will do EXACTLY as you ask. And that is their downfall.

Americans are willing to challenge a boss's premises. Indians are not. They will deliver exactly what is asked for, and Americans will -- generally -- find a better, more efficient way to do things. I will give you a personal example:

I was tasked with replicating a credit-card payment data flow, to duplicate the entire flow, except at the end. At the end, thing A had to happen instead of thing B. My boss was an Indian, and asked me to replicate the entire flow with the minor difference at the end.

I was given a week to accomplish my task. I returned in 30 minutes. "I'm done," I said.

"No, you can't be. Come back to me when you are done."

"I'm done. Here's the output. I put a switch on the final SQL procedure for the different final behavior."

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But this essay is not about that. This essay is about Indian recruiters. These people are a scourge. They are a plague.

I intend to stay in Atlanta, GA, but I have had many Indian recruiters contact me about -- for example -- a two month position in Benoit, Wisconson. What the FREEP.

I even put the directive IN MY LAST NAME in the job boards.

I used to be Laz A. Mataz, but I changed my name to Laz A. Mataz (NO RELOCATION! ATLANTA OPPORTUNITIES ONLY!).

They still cannot see it.

So, here is a homage to the evil, horrible Indian recruiters that now flood the recruiting market.

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Typical conversation with an Indian recruiter:

I.R.: Ello this is Ganesh Gupta calling you from A.I.T.R. (Annoying I.T.Recruiters). How are you doing today?

Me: I’m ok. How are you.

I.R.: Fine, thanks for asking. Yes I have a position for you. Are you interested?

Me: It depends.

I.R.: Ello?

For some reason the say ‘hello’ when they mean any number of other things besides hello including: ‘what?’ or ‘would you please clarify?’ or ‘can you hear me?’ I like pretending they mean ‘hello’ as in the greeting.

Me: Hello

I return the ‘greeting’ and they think I can’t hear them or don’t understand what they’re saying.

I.R.: Ello?

Me: Hello

I.R.: Ello?

Me: Hello

I.R.: Ello?

Me: Hello

I.R.: Ello?

Me: Hello

This has actually gone on much longer than this. The passive aggression can be quite satisfying. Eventually I’ll give in and get the conversation back on track by letting them know I can hear them.

I.R.: Yes I have a position for you. Are you interested?

Me: It depends.

I.R.: It depends?

Me: That’s what I said.

I.R.: Ello?

Me: Where is it located?

I.R.: You live in Atlanta, Georg-YEE-yah?

(Indian recruiters CANNOT pronounce Georgia. It's pronounced Georg-ja. They ALWAYS pronounce it Georg-YEE-yah.)

Me: Where…is…the…position…located?

I.R.: Yes the position is located in b..boom foc, Wyoming.

Me: I think it’s pronounced ‘Bum F**k’.

I.R.: Oh sorry yes. Are you interested?

Me: No. I only want to stay in Atlanta, Georgia.

I.R.: You want to stay in Atlanta, Georg-YEE-yah?

Me: Yes.

I.R.: But this is in Boom-foc Wyoming.

Me: I know. But I want to stay in Atlanta, Georgia.

I.R.: This pays very well.

Me: How much does it pay?

I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?

Me: What is the highest rate you are willing to pay?

I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?

Me: What is the highest rate you are willing to pay?

I.R.: What is the lowest rate will you accept?

Me: One million dollars per hour.

I.R.: Ha, ha, oh no. I am sorry the most we can pay you is dollar forty per hour.

Me: One dollar and forty cents per hour?

I.R.: Yes.

Me: One dollar and forty cents per hour?

I.R.: Yes.

Me: I think you mean forty U.S. dollars per hour.

I.R.: Yes.

This is significantly less than I can make anywhere in the U.S. It’s not uncommon for them to say the word ‘dollar’ when they mean that the amount is in U.S. dollars…not rupees.

Me: Is this on a W-2, 1099 or corp-to-corp basis?

I.R.: Yes.

Me: I’m asking you a question. Is the rate on a W-2, 1099 or corp-to-corp basis?

I.R.: Yes.

Me: What is the duration of this project?

I.R.: Ello?

Me: What is the duration of this project?

I.R.: This position is two months.

Me: What is the job title?

I.R.: JAVA developer.

Me: I’m not interested.

I.R.: You are not interested?

Me: I’m not interested because I’m not a JAVA developer. I design and build C#, MVC, and SQL systems. I’m not interested in relocating to Bum F**k, Wyoming. The rate is too low. The duration is too short.

I.R.: We can pay dollar forty-two per hour.

Me: I’m still not interested.

I.R.: Is the location of Boom-foc, Wyoming ok?

Me: No.

I.R.: It is not ok?

Me: That’s what I said.

I.R.: But the position is two months.

Me: Two months is too short.

I.R.: Two months is too short?

Me: That’s what I said. Also I’m not a JAVA developer.

I.R.: You are not a JAVA developer?

Me: That’s what I said.

I.R.: We can go as high as dollar forty-three an hour.

Me: I'm making sixty an hour.

I.R.: Dollar forty three is a great rate.

Me: I'm making sixty an hour.

I.R.: Dollar forty four, I can do. I will contact my manager first.

Me: I'm making sixty an hour.

I.R.: The highest I can do is dollar forty four. Can you do this corp-to-corp? When can you report to work?

Me: (click)

[HiTech RedNeck]

I knew an honest Injun who came to work for the same firm I was working for. But he had an in-person interview, so couldn’t B.S. them remotely.

[Lazamataz]

Well, limiting your geographical area can limit one’s prospects too

True, and Mr.K would chide me about that. However, Atlanta GA is the IT hub of the SouthEast.

If I can't get a job here, I can't get a job.

(Two offers in hand, and up to three more dropping next week.)

(That is because I can design an AngularJS SPA app (or, if they prefer, MVC 5 under Razor syntax) with Entity Framework 6 talking to SQL Sprocs using a code-first model and exposing WebAPI 2.0 SOA with authentication done using bearer tokens and OATH2).

PS: Buckeye Texan, I say *screw* that LAMP stuff. LOL

[Lazamataz]

Not all of you will appreciate this, because it's kinda tech-oriented, but all of you will understand the pushy telemarketer angle. :)

I have discovered, when you get an Indian recruiter on the phone, they CANNOT hear the word 'no'. Saying 'no' but remaining on the phone, to them, means you are still negotiating. The only 'no' they understand is a hangup.

Personally, I believe this is the reason for arranged marriages in India.

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[HiTech RedNeck]

I think sometimes jerky American bosses are also one of the chief reasons “you never talk about God in the office.” You say God bless them and they look at you like you tried to cast an evil spell on them. And that’s after they’ve told you how involved with the church they are.

My Indian boss DOES NOT MIND. And he isn’t even a Christian. I know you have problems with the Indian IT business, but not everyone in that sector behaves the same. Some of them are snotty. I think Tata is in that category, to name a name. They don’t seem particularly culturally sensitive to the West either (why would they go under a name that is a slang term for goodbye?) But the folks I am with, care a lot more.

[Lazamataz]

hahahahahahaha! that is exactly how it goes down! ive listened in on many such phone calls between my husband and indian recruiters.

See? :)

[Lazamataz]

I hear ya, bro. God belongs everywhere we are. I’m delighted you found a place to proselytize. I fun ya a little about contributing to the Indian scourge, but in reality, I hope you convert a few Hindus to Christianity.

[Larry Lucido]

So I take it you don’t order Indian food carry out very often.

[Lazamataz]

Now THAT is an area in which Indians ROCK THE WORLD.

Food.

[Lazamataz]

DAM YOU

Now I am craving curry tandouri chicken.

I HATE YOU

[stig]

Now Indian managers hire ONLY indians and American workers are told by HR that they are no longer needed.

Yeah that's the thing. They get away with being racist and xenophobic. The other thing that happens is any worthwhile source code in a company is sent back to India to a cousin so they can copy it and try to market it independently.

[Larry Lucido]

I pay you in naan-bread.

[HiTech RedNeck]

I just go easy and slow. The fellow is curious about things Western, and so are many of my colleagues, so I don’t have to shove anything down anybody’s throat.

But man. Some of the people you think would be the most gaga about God (white bread ‘Murricans in Nashville, Tennessee) act like they can just barely tolerate ‘im.

[Lazamataz]

AUUUGHHH YOU SUCK

Please don’t mention the gulab jamun. PLEASE

[luvie]

[PGalt]

ROFLMAO! Thanks for sharing your experiences, Laz. HUMOR BUMP! I’ve had similar experiences with automotive engineers from India when I worked in the field. Great workers, book smart and lots of snickers, snorts and laughs.

[griffin]

LOL!
After 8 paragraphs, “But this essay is not about that. This essay is about Indian recruiters.”

[Lazamataz]

Keep at it bro. You’re doing God’s work.

Of course I’m still gonna give you crap about working with Indians, but now you know The Secret — I’m glad you are preaching to ‘em.

Just don’t tell Hitech Redneck.

[HiTech RedNeck]

Naansense

[Lazamataz]

Hey. You’ve never digressed? :)

[Little Pig]

It seems as though nearly every recruiting firm is staffed solely by Indians now. My conversations haven’t been quite as bad as you describe, but I grant that it’s sometimes difficult to get them to spit out where the position is, how much it pays, and whether it’s full-time or contract.

I’m trying to find a full-time position with any good company preferably in New England, but I will take a position full-time with Wipro/TCS/Infosys/TechMahindra in almost any location. It’s been a little difficult to explain to these recruiters what I’m trying to do.

What makes it worse is that many of them use VoIP systems that introduce all kinds of noise, judder and other artifacts, and make it even more difficult to understand what they’re saying.