Posted on 06/06/2016 7:29:13 PM PDT by usconservative
For those of you who read This Post on the original thread with the same title I wanted you all to know that I received a number of emails asking how I was.
Well, I left. I felt like I had no choice. Nothing was going to change no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried to salvage my marriage -- it was over. Repentance and humbling myself before the Lord didn't matter. The marriage was over long ago, I'd just refused to accept it or I was blind to that fact.
www.mgtow.com
IF ONLY I had known of this 30 years ago. also this:
BRIFFAULT’S LAW:
The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place. — Robert Briffault, The Mothers, I, 191.
In other words, If you have nothing to offer a woman which she considers a benefit, you don’t have a chance. If you have offered something in the past, the question “what have you done for me lately” is usually followed by the woman “trading up” to another man who can offer even more.
Robert Stephen Briffault (1876 – 11 December 1948) was trained as a surgeon, but found fame as a social anthropologist and in later life as a novelist, he wrote these words over 60 years ago and they are just as true today as they were back then, if not more so.
In this day and age where women are conditioned to be princesses from an early age, the man is also conditioned not just to be the provider bit also to cater for her every whim.
If for anyone reason the woman is unhappy, she can drop the man at the drop of a hat, drain him of his resources and then move on to the next victim.
I have seen this happen many times over my life and I came to the conclusion in my 20’s that marriage just isn’t worth the risk for most men.
Sure, I know that there are still some women out there that are decent but they are hard to find thanks to the misandric education system, media brainwashing and just plain selfishness.
Today men are constantly shamed for being men but women are never shamed for some of their own instincts that can lead to bad and unfair behaviour.
One of these is Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as “marrying up”) is the act or practice of marrying a spouse of higher caste or status than oneself.
In a society that is trying to encourage gender equality, it certainly isn’t making it isn’t easier or offering any true incentive for a man to want to get married or even want a long term relationship.
Add to this women are the gender that pushes for marriage yet at the same time initiate most divorces and in most divorces can take more than half of what a man owns and in some cases a huge proportion of his retirement funds.
In closing, I pose this question for every thinking male reading these words...
Is marriage worth the risk?
Marriage is a covenant. When both parties enter into it as such, well, it can work. My wife and I are both 41, and we have been together since we were 18. We both know that divorce is not even something we can entertain. So far so good. We have had our bumps, our arguments, and our feelings hurt. But we know we are stuck with each other. And most importantly we believe the same things about God, the Gospel, and share the same philosophies of life, politics, and raising children. I am devoted to her and I KNOW she is devoted to me. In fact I trust her more than I trust myself. She submits to me as the head of our household and repects me and I provide for her, protect her, and cherish her. I wish others could experience the same in their relationships. God’s blueprint works - well at least it has for us to date!
First thing on this thread I've completely agreed with.
Ditto here. 27 years in.
RECEPTIONIST: “How do you write women so well?”
WRITER: “I think of a man. Then I take away reason, and accountability.”
The purpose of marriage is to fund the divorce industry.
Marriage is promoted and encouraged to the young so when the marriage fails, the divorce industry (lawyers, judges, the shrinks who serve as counselors advisors to the court) can reap the benefits.
It’s a self-sustaining multi-billion dollar industry.
No, she didn't need permission. Talking about it, planning for it, letting me know AHEAD OF TIME rather than just springing it on me one day certainly would've been nice.
Bitter, much?
If you'd read the original thread you'd know that answer. It is "yes" absolutely I do. I'd die for her. When there's zero reciprocation however there's no point in remaining married. Certainly not to a woman who's incapable of love, forgiveness, compassion, intimacy ....
Three separate marriage counselors have told me that.
Thank you, well stated.
How so? I was just reporting the facts.
My point, which I thought was obvious, was that divorcing couples sometimes are so angry that they will sink to "shallow loser perspective" so often.
Now I thought that YOUR comment was iodd.
Brother, I've had numerous talks with my Pastor about this. (Actually, Pastor, spiritual advisor, three marriage counselors, my own counselor and friends both married and divorced within the church.)
I wouldn't say our church has been supportive, but they've been understanding. I've listened to every perspective, taken to heart advice I thought was good, and through counseling with my Pastor and spiritual advisor done everything I'm commanded to do by God to try and reconcile the marriage.
All of that has failed to sway her away from the behavior that's destroyed our marriage and has left me with no other options.
As my Pastor and spiritual advisor know, my biggest fear is standing before God on judgment day and having to account for my failed marriage. Before I walk away, I had to know in my heart that I did everything I could to save the marriage. I humbled myself before God, asked Him to see myself as He see's me, and to correct those things that needed to be corrected in me.
While I'm far from perfect (and I never will be) I'm not the man I used to be. I will forever be, a work in progress.
Everyone who knows us, says I've changed dramatically over the past several years --- she has not.
Her position has been and remains "If you'd just fix yourself, everything would be fine." She's said that to me in front of three different counselors, and to our Pastor. All of whom have told her it's never just one person's fault and have told her *exactly* where her issues stem from (her sexual abuse as a child.)
She won't listen. She refuses to acknowledge it and how it's affected her life.
It's been 20 years since she told me about it, we've been married 30. I've done my time. I've done all I can. Our children are grown, they understand what's going on. I can't save her (and Lord knows I've waited, prayed and tried everything I can to get her to see) so it's time to save myself and move on.
Sucks, but it's what has to be done.
SELFISH MEN. Makes me glad that the Catholic Church, for one, forbids that disordered and sinful union.
There have ALWAYS been "forbidden" loves. Well, one can feel the forbidden love but cannot ACT on it.
Oh, buddy...you can’t imagine...the year between being served with divorce papers and finding the real woman of my dreams was the most exciting time of my life. The search for new love takes many twists and turns, and if you are lucky, you are able to love again.
You will find her. We aren’t all shrews lol.
Best of luck to the Sharks, they're my second favorite team in the NHL behind my Chicago Blackhawks. :-)
I was referring specifically to this:
“You can enjoy watching as her woman body ages: saggy boobs, butt and belly, droopy cheeks, dark circles under eyes, graying hair. She will HATE it. Women are too often judged by others AND themselves by their looks.
Then, one day, she will see a gorgeous woman near you and will glower, fume and get red with anger, frustration and hatred. Lol. She’ll get hers. Believe it.”
Actually I don't drink very much and did not get onto the Bourbon kick until after my wife had the affair with a married man who told her he was separated and who lets say had more assets than me.
Regarding the deeper issues, they would be a post menopausal hypergamous wife who became bat shit crazy which I did not fully understand until recently. Go to Reddit the Red Pill and educate yourself. Thanks for playing.
Been following your story since the beginning. My situation was different than yours in that with 13 years of marriage we still had 3 small children in the home.
I knew I couldn’t make it until the youngest was 18.
Everything was my fault - Check
Bat Shit Crazy - Check
Divorce stinks - check
But I am writing to you to say: Just wait until you meet a woman who loves you the way you need to be loved. Just wait. I was so accustomed to the way the ex treated me that when another woman showed me something different, it rocked my world.
I am getting married next month and am entirely happy and fulfilled and I thank God daily.
PS The kids figure it out without having to say much. I have had all 3 of my kids more than 50% of the time since the separation until now. I just try not to rag on their mom because they still love their mom.
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