Been following your story since the beginning. My situation was different than yours in that with 13 years of marriage we still had 3 small children in the home.
I knew I couldn’t make it until the youngest was 18.
Everything was my fault - Check
Bat Shit Crazy - Check
Divorce stinks - check
But I am writing to you to say: Just wait until you meet a woman who loves you the way you need to be loved. Just wait. I was so accustomed to the way the ex treated me that when another woman showed me something different, it rocked my world.
I am getting married next month and am entirely happy and fulfilled and I thank God daily.
PS The kids figure it out without having to say much. I have had all 3 of my kids more than 50% of the time since the separation until now. I just try not to rag on their mom because they still love their mom.
Thanks so much for the encouragement and am thrilled you found the right woman for you. It gives me hope. All the best for your future marriage!