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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 06/03/2016 5:45:24 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Story Time

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When you're too worried about when the alarm's going off...

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A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while “the lights would turn off.”

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender. “Would you like a drink?”

“No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.”

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Leather Chairs

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The Cloud lamp is a motion activated custom sound designed personal thunderstorm in your house.
This cloud costs a whopping $3,600 and is the most amazing cloud you'll ever have in your house.

The Cloud uses motion detectors to emulate an actual, rolling thunderstorm based on your actions.

Its High tech design allows you to customize it with your iPod, or any other Bluetooth device,
or you may choose to use its built in thunder sounds.

Regardless, you've never had a cloud like this inside your place, or at all really.

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Misleading Compliment

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Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.

However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.

St. Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone.

The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.”

Forrest responds, “It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”

St. Peter goes on, “Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions:

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second: How many seconds are there in a year?

Third: What is God’s first name?”

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”

Forrest says, “Well, the first one — which two days in the week begin with the letter “T”? Shucks, that one’s easy. That’d be Today and Tomorrow.”

The Saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest, that’s not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I’ll give you credit for that answer.  How about the next one?” asks St. Peter. “How many seconds in a year?”

“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest, “but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”

Confounded, St. Peter says, “Twelve? Twelve!?  Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”

Forrest says “Shucks, there’s gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . .”

“Hold it, ” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you’re going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind…..but I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too.  Let’s go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God’s first name”?

“Sure” Forrest replied, “it’s Andy.”

Andy?!” exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. “Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?”

“Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learnt it from the song. . . . “ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . .”

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: “Run Forrest, run.”

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TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; silliness
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Today's challenge...


Bullets

1 posted on 06/03/2016 5:45:24 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 6amgelsmama; 88keys; ...

I'M HERE

FOR


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

 

2 posted on 06/03/2016 5:48:02 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (God's blessing has been on America from the very beginning, and I believe God isn't done yet. TCruz)
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To: Lucky9teen

I’m in before 10


3 posted on 06/03/2016 5:48:52 AM PDT by Dacula (Southern lives matter!)
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To: Dacula

in


4 posted on 06/03/2016 5:49:16 AM PDT by real saxophonist ( YouTube + Twitter + Facebook = YouTwitFace.com)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 5?!?


5 posted on 06/03/2016 5:50:38 AM PDT by dayglored ("Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.")
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To: Lucky9teen

I read once where an old mountain man used very light loads for rabbit. The ball would not go clear through and he would re use them. His record was something like fourty rabbits before he lost a ball.


6 posted on 06/03/2016 5:50:57 AM PDT by CrazyIvan (Socialists are just communists in their larval stage.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Life insurance.


7 posted on 06/03/2016 5:51:18 AM PDT by 4yearlurker (We have leaped off the cliff toward madness and we are still falling...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Coffin


8 posted on 06/03/2016 5:53:36 AM PDT by chajin ("There is no other name under heaven given among people by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12)
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To: Lucky9teen

Toilet paper


9 posted on 06/03/2016 6:00:52 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Lucky9teen
Top 20?


10 posted on 06/03/2016 6:02:34 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a Simple Manner for a Happy Life :o)
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To: Lucky9teen

Coffee filter


11 posted on 06/03/2016 6:02:48 AM PDT by stump56 (Freedom isn't free.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Ten? Pleasepleasepleaseplease


12 posted on 06/03/2016 6:03:21 AM PDT by MissNomer
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To: MissNomer
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;^)

13 posted on 06/03/2016 6:03:54 AM PDT by MissNomer
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To: Lucky9teen

Toilet paper


14 posted on 06/03/2016 6:06:25 AM PDT by MissNomer
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To: Lucky9teen


15 posted on 06/03/2016 6:09:46 AM PDT by Heartlander (Prediction: Increasingly, logic will be seen as a covert form of theism. - Denyse O'Leary)
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To: Lucky9teen

Challenge answer: A faulty parachute?


16 posted on 06/03/2016 6:09:52 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (I before E, except after C. Weird.)
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To: IYAS9YAS

Dynamite?


17 posted on 06/03/2016 6:11:06 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (I before E, except after C. Weird.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Toothpaste or cortisone...


18 posted on 06/03/2016 6:13:13 AM PDT by Envisioning (4.13.15 - That awkward moment in history when 53 million racists became sexists...)
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To: Lucky9teen


19 posted on 06/03/2016 6:15:55 AM PDT by Heartlander (Prediction: Increasingly, logic will be seen as a covert form of theism. - Denyse O'Leary)
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To: Lucky9teen
gorilla photo gorilla.jpg
20 posted on 06/03/2016 6:17:09 AM PDT by verga (In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.)
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