Posted on 05/13/2016 8:35:57 AM PDT by blueunicorn6
I think we all agree that the quality of the opuses here on Free Republic has dropped considerably.
Yes, I know that the plural of opus is opera. To me, opera is just some people putting themselves on a stage and waving their arms around and screaming something that nobody understands.
By golly, that is exactly what the opus writers do. Still, the dictionary assures me that "opuses" is also a correct plural form of "opus". If you don't like it, well, write that into your opus....in Italian.
My Dad always told me, "If you're going to write an opus, be sure it's the best opus you can write."
Actually, he was talking about washing the car, but I think "write an opus" works better in this application. I think most of the people writing these opuses would do well to wash their car before writing an opus. At least they'd have a clean car. And like my Dad always said, "You can judge a man by how clean his car is." I think he might have been full of crap on that one. I never saw Judge Judy ask for pictures of everyone's cars.
OK, let's get started.
You need the proper setting and mood to write a really effective opus. Pull all the shades and light a few candles. If you don't have any candles, then light your draft opus on fire. Believe me, everyone will thank you.
Put on some sad music. I recommend "Mandy" by Barry Manilow. If you don't have that, then put on "Muskrat Love". That one always makes me cry.
"What should you wear when writing an opus?"
Glad you asked. Costuming is important. Just ask Bruce Jenner. I think that you should wear flannel pajamas with footies in them. They're comfortable and warm and flannel will easily absorb all the tears you will be crying as you lay out your guts for everyone to see. I've seen guts laying out. It'll make you puke. You don't want to puke all over your flannel jammies do you? I thought not. Keep your guts where they belong.
Now, you're ready to begin writing.
Keep in mind the first rule of rhetoric:
"Always remember the audience."
Maybe we can skip that one because if you were thinking of the audience you wouldn't be wasting the space on our computer screens with your opus.
Make your opus a stand-alone thread. You're writing an opus to draw attention to yourself and your feelings. Don't bury your feelings in a post at the bottom of a thread about Marie Osmond. Though, lord knows, I think we could all do with more threads about Marie Osmond around here. Especially with photos. Lots of photos....of her in that little black dress she wears in that commercial. But I digress.
Use some old opuses as a guide for your opus. "Plagiarism is the highest form of flattery." It's also much quicker. Just ask the Washington Post.
Be sure to talk down to everyone. I don't know about you, but I always appreciate someone telling me what I think and why I think it. It's amazing how many Kreskins we have writing opuses.
Be flamboyant. Get out the old thesaurus and wow us with your vocabulary. Use lots of metaphors and analogies. Here's one of my favorites from a past opus.
"You are as dumb as a cow pie cooking under the hot sun in a green pasture."
Oh.....wait....that wasn't an opus. That was my Mom's birthday card to me. But you get the idea.
Let everyone know how long you've been on Free Republic. Tell everyone about how you wrote your first post with charcoal from the fireplace on a shovel. That really gets 'em.
Make sure everyone knows that they'll be sorry that you're gone. Try putting a curse on everyone you're leaving behind. That will put a dark cloud over their joy that you're leaving.
Tell the owner that he's really going to miss that money you thought about giving to run this site. That dollar you save can now be used to donate to the Hillary "Fighting For You!" Campaign. The treasurer is Ambassador Stevens.
Close your opus with a real stinger. It's the last thing we'll read from you. "I hope you all get cooties!", while dramatic, has been overdone in the opus world. How about something like, "You won't have me to kick around anymore!" That gives us all an incentive to find you and slap some sense into you.
If you use these helpful tips, I'm sure the quality of opuses here on Free Republic will improve!
Now, I have to write my Mom her birthday card.
"You are as dumb as a cow pie baking in the hot sun in a blue pasture."
See! Just punch it up a little!
unfortunately, she kept coming back.
My Dad always told me, “If you’re going to write an opus, be sure it’s the best opus you can write.”
Actually, he was talking about washing the car...
One should refer to Libbylu’s opera, it is the gold standard.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3390867/posts
Trumpees [my opus]
01/30/2016 6:58:36 PM PST · by libbylu · 969 replies
You are all freaking low class jerks. The Heidi thread has been pulled multiple times. Free Republic has become trump derangement central. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A BUNCH OF CONSERVATIVES SO PICKY, PETTY AND STUPID - STUPID FREAKING LOSERS YOU DAMN DEFEND TRUMP AS IF HE WERE A FREAKING BABY BECAUSE HE IS! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL.
The plural of which would be Pria
A great song to stimulate opus writers on FR would be Mean to Me by Ruth Etting
You're mean to me.
Why must you be mean to me?
Gee, honey, it seems to me,
You want to see me crying.
See #23, great minds, etc.
I think I might enjoy the picture you posted a lot more if I understood it. Is that a military training exercise, and what are those things he is rolling on? Those look like raw hamburger patties on the top of the smaller green discs.
or a Viking kitty with a lightning bolt.
“maybe a lil body english for style points tho”
That generated a hilarious mental image.
Also made me think of a scene from the movie Six-Pack. I believe Terk was in the scene...
That’s a Russian soldier and those are land-mines (presumably deactivated)
Yes! :)
Must not forget the Viking kitty! Must not!
******
bye
1 Posted on 06/08/2001 15:38:19 PDT by A+Bert
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It was said, man must know his flair
Or
I just made it up
Seems to me that you would fit right in with Obama's Administration putting down Western Civilization and Culture.
ML/Nj
A most=needed tutorial!
If you’re going out, why not go with a flourish of well-chosen words rather than just smarting-off in a random thread and getting the zot?
I have exactly two FR posts bookmarked, JimRobs dissertation on the conservatism of Trump, and LibbyLus “damnation” is the other!
Pesky thing keeps sneaking back in, like ants at a picnic...
I love a good Western.
Gunsmoke, Bonanza, Seinfeld.
5.56mm
Bookmarked!!
Excellent post - thanks for the laughs. Unfortunately, I fear that the huge wave of opus writing has already passed. (Hence the return to civility around here.)
I wish most would follow dear libbylu’s opus - meltdowns like that are memorable! (And hilarious.)
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