JUST ELEVEN BLOCKS AGO
Posted on 04/20/2016 9:53:08 AM PDT by blueunicorn6
I was walking across the parking lot at the grocery store when I noticed two of the employees having a discussion by one of the traffic islands. I don't know why they call them traffic islands. You really can't take a good vacation on one. I tried once. I put up my lawn chair and grabbed a beer out of the cooler. The policeman told me that only Hobos and girls car wash employees could camp out on traffic islands. I didn't have a beard and wasn't wearing a bikini top, so he ran me off. I'll leave you to decide if Hobos have beards or wear bikini tops.
The two grocery store employees were looking at something in the traffic island. Usually, you only see cigarette butts, beer cans and the odd spent nuclear rod in them, so I was curious and walked over. They were looking at a fish. To be precise, it was a trout.
The discussion seemed to center on how a fish could wind up in a traffic island. One employee was of the opinion that the traffic island was the spawning grounds for trout and this one had come there to mate.
The trout was big enough to be a breeder, but I opined that I didn't think it was spawning season.
The other employee was sure that the trout had been dumped in the traffic island because of a kidnapping gone bad. I told him that I thought troutnapping was more common in South America than here.
A third grocery store employee joined us looking at the dead fish. He had the answer.
"A bird dropped it. I saw it."
Our little city is close to some lakes and we have Osprey around here. Osprey are also called "Fish Hawks" or "Windshield Crappers" depending on your experience with them. They swoop down and grab fish that are near the surface of a lake.
I imagined the poor trout floating near the surface catching a few rays and trying to get a suntan when the next thing he knows, whoosh, he's flying through the air with the greatest of ease. He probably didn't even have time to sign up for any frequent flyer miles.
The three grocery store employees were trying to figure out what kind of fish this was. One said it was a Mackerel. Another employee said it was a Tuna. The third employee thought it might be a Great White Shark. You could tell none of them worked at the seafood counter.
I hated to disrupt the Icthology class, but I pointed out that those were all saltwater fish and we were pretty far inland. Besides, the fish wasn't white. We do have Whitefish around here, though. They aren't really white either. More of a grey. I suppose that's fishist or something.
I told them it was a trout and that probably an Osprey had dropped it.
One guy said, "Well aren't you a regular little Jacques Cousteau. Where's the Calypso?"
I decided to dazzle them with my Liberal Arts education.
"Perhaps this fish was like Icarus and flew too close to the sun and his wax wings melted and he fell into the parking lot instead of the ocean like that painting I had to look at in my Freshman English class."
Nothing puts a damper on a good time like bringing up old mythology paintings, and we all grew quiet.
"Maybe the Osprey was trying to bomb someone", said one of the employees.
"Yeah", chimed in the second employee. "Maybe somebody ticked the bird off."
I don't think that Ospreys come equipped with the top secret Norden bomb sights, so it must have been a dive bomb attack. Who would the Osprey have dive bombed?
"I'll bet he was after the Pepsi guy", I said. "Ospreys like root beer."
The Manager came out of the store and yelled at the three employees to get back to work. They trudged back inside marveling at a world where birds dive bomb pop stockers with freshwater fish.
Me? I stood there daydreaming of Fish Hawks flying through flak to drop trout on filthy old hippies.
"Bombs away! I mean, trout away!"
Ha! Beat me to it.
Hmmm. Should I add “Humer polise” to my nickname?
A little humor makes for a better day. thanks.
Actually, there are known and verified cases of raining fish which resulted from a water spout sucking up huge amounts of fish. It happens quite frequently in Honduras near a lake.
“This is sign from Bernie”
Bernie is an Osprey?
Naaaawwwwww......
He’s more of an old buzzard.
i’m surprised it too that long
Might be a problem if the game warden came up on you,
“You got a fishing license for that fish?”
“Ossifer, I swear, it fell from the sky into my hands!”
Doesn’t matter to me because I’ve got my license. I can fish with hand grenades if I like - I’m legal.
Would you prefer the trout falling from someone’s trousers?
Trouser Trout?
Can’t see ‘em on a fish finder.
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