Posted on 03/03/2016 11:23:09 AM PST by poconopundit
| Miracle drug Trumpazine is sweeping the country and drug companies are rushing to cash in by developing competitive products to Trumpazine.
Hailed as today's most effective treatment for TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome), Trumpazine is soaring in sales, especially as the Make America Great Again movement picks up steam.
The infectiousness of the disease is astonishing: in every State where Trump is polling high or has won a primary, a large share of voters have caught TDS. In fact, Trump's Super Tuesday victories caused a TDS epidemic in the Northern Virginia/Washington Beltway area. Pharmacies there ran completely out of Trumpazine the day after Super Tuesday. Fortunately a few truckloads of the drug arrived in time to avert a public health disaster. |
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Curiously, the greatest sufferers of TDS seem to be those in the political pundit class. Indeed, the US postal service reports that it has mailed cases of Trumpazine to media organizations such as Fox News, Washington Post, National Review, the Blaze, Huffington Post and the Weekly Standard.
Of course, Trumpazine's manufacturer, Trump Pharmaceuticals, has kept a tight lid on Trumpazine's formula. It has patented the drug and is closely guarding its details like Coca Cola protects its Coke formula.
Nevertheless, Trump Pharma's competitors are on a strong push to Trumpazine clones and rush them to market. And one of them is on a fast track to succeed. The scientists at Mercky Labs have now isolated the key ingredient in Trumpazine and are now in the early production phase of delivering a clone.
Kevin Fitzpatrick Ph.D., Vice President of Research at Merky Labs, explained that his team of researchers was wracking its brains trying to isolate the ingredients. It was then that Steve Garrison, a Competitive Research Analyst at Merky, came up with a key breakthrough.
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"I was scanning YouTube videos of Trump's YUGE rally in Mobile Alabama", said Garrison. "I was looking for people in the crowd with frowns on the their faces -- a symptom that signals the onset of TDS. My plan was to contact those people to conduct some clinical trials.
"But then I noticed something unexpected happened. As Trump walked down the raised platform towards the stage, several kittens climbed onto the platform and surrounded Trump at his feet.
"God knows how those kittens evaded security, but there they were! And all of them were looking up at Trump and seemed powerfully drawn to him.
"Then Trump bent down and picked up two of the cute critters. He perched one on his left shoulder and the second one he raised high into the air -- at which point the crowd of 35,000 went wild with delight.
"Well, seeing those kittens put me on the trail that led to breaking the Trumpazine formula."
Sure enough, with Garrison's clue about Trump's effect on kittens, Merky scientists correctly deduced that Nepetalactone, the cat attractant in the catnip plant, is the chemical cornerstone of Trumpazine.
So now the race is on for Merky Labs and other firms to duplicate Trumpazine and Make America Healthy Again.
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Really? Infantile.
It’s a little early in the day to get loaded.
What is this nonsense trying to say?
ThoraDonald is also a hot seller.
ValiTrump is a good old standby.
Fringe Lunatic Liberals will be suffering from Donald’s Hammer in 2016.
Curiously, the greatest sufferers of TDS seem to be those in the political pundit class. Indeed, the US postal service reports that it has mailed cases of Trumpazine to media organizations such as Fox News, Washington Post, National Review, the Blaze, Huffington Post and the Weekly Standard.
ROTFL!!
H.Ross Trump will take care of everything with the wave of his hand!
But the Trump campaign is not all hard work and struggle. Trump is also about having some fun and laughter along the way! And I take it, that's something that Mitt Romney and friends don't really understand :- )
Mittens needs Trumpazine to help him lighten up!
Cute as hell.
I can hear it from The Donald:
“Kittens calm America. You know what, I like them myself. They’re great after a stressful day at the office.
You can read more on how to get one on my website.
Kittens will make America great again.”
Keep your day job.
You may to pull this before you get sued into oblivion. There is a real Kevin Fitzpatrick PhD who works in the healthcare industry.
What is this nonsense trying to say?
<><><>
That anyone with TDS is a pussy.
Doesnt the original poster know that pussy was last week’s word of the week.
Author should be in a nut house.
Lighten up. Its satire.
The Donald has made politics fun again.
Only stiff shirts like RINOs treat it as a life and death matter.
Gee not an original thought out there.
GO TRUMP BEAT ROMNEY.
Well?!?!?!
Trump isn’t an original thinker.
That’s not what draws people to him.
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