"This Is Why I Didn't Get You A Valentine's Present"

Romance | 2/14/2016 | blueunicorn6

[blueunicorn6]

OK. So I forgot that today is Valentine's Day. Does that make me a criminal or something? Maybe in Minnesota.

So I rushed right down to the store to buy my sweetie some chocolates. It was like when they had that news story about chocolate being an afrodes.....aprodez.....love potion for women. The men cleared out all the chocolate in the store that day. Yes sir.....miles and miles of empty shelves that day. You should have seen all the sad faces on the guys the next day. If I owned a turnip ranch, I'd just start a rumor that turnips made women really hot and I'd make a fortune. They do by the way. At least that's what Uncle Gustav told me.

But I digress.

It was slim pickings in the candy aisle. They had $10 boxes of chocolates and $20 boxes of chocolate. Now, you can't put a price on love, but your sweetie can. If I bought her the $10 box, I might look cheap. But if I bought her the $20 box, I might look guilty. I needed something in the middle. I know that's kind of a moderate position to take and people here at FR can get real mad at moderates but I only had $15 bucks in my wallet. Some of you quick thinkers will be wondering why I didn't got to the ATM machine and get some more cash? Where the heck were you yesterday when your quick thinking could have saved me all this trouble?

But I digress.

I took math in school. Well, I attended the classes. That counts for something. I know that $15 is 1/4 less than $20. Please, all you mathematicians save your Pythagorean Theorem and Euclidian Geometry and Pie Are Square private messages. I'm just rounding off here.

So I opened up the $20 box and ate 1/4 of the chocolates.

I took the box to the checkout stand and told them that since 1/4 of the chocolates were gone that I would give them $15 for the box of chocolates.

Well, they must not have ever heard of negotiating prices at that store. The checker told me to wipe the chocolate off my face and the box was $20. I tried to explain economic theories to her, but I had unfortunately only attended those classes, too.

She called for the manager.

You'd think that an 80 year old guy would have had enough experience in the affairs of the heart to cut me some slack on the price of a box of chocolates, but no, he was a priciest.

I grabbed the chocolates and bolted for the door.

Did you know they have Senior Olympics? I didn't know that. Turns out Manager Mike held the world record in the 40 yard dash in the "Over 80 Category". I'd have beat him if I hadn't slipped. I think there were still tears on the floor from all the guys who bought their women chocolates thinking it was going to light the fire of love.

They took my $15 bucks and then threw the pieces of chocolate at me. That nasty old man manager must have played on the Senior Championship Baseball Team because he hit me in the eye with a chocolate covered cherry. I dared him to do it twice and he got me with truffle in the other eye. I'd have caught it but I think he threw a Spitchocolate at me. Probably had some grease on his walker.

I returned home empty-handed but with a heart filled with love. My wife told me I could buy her some roses tomorrow. I'll bet I can get them half off. Let's see....that would mean a $40 bunch of roses would cost.....what.....less I guess. Maybe the florist is slower.

[Jamestown1630]

I’d find homemade ones a charming Valentine gift :-)

-JT