Posted on 01/24/2016 11:07:20 AM PST by Slings and Arrows
Last month, a letter from Ayn Rand to “Cat Fancy†magazine was unearthed in which Rand argued she could “demonstrate objectively that cats are of a great value.†I think Rand is onto something- cats are the ultimate laissez faire animals. I would go as far as to say we should replace all politicians with cats. Lest you think this is a ludicrous suggestion, I would direct you to a strong body of historical precedent for non-human electoral candidates, including Morris the Cat, who ran for president in 1992.
1. Our system of checks and balances is totally out of whack. The system could be restored if cats were in charge. Have you ever noticed that cats are full of distrust? They’re always watching one another’s every move with an angry glare. With cats keeping an eye on each other, we would be free to get on with our lives and disregard politics entirely. Rational irrationality, anyone?
2. Politicians are incentivized to grow bureaucracy and implement crippling regulations. By contrast, cats live by one rule, and one rule only: Sort it out and let me sleep. This is the common sense approach that should be guiding our nation’s leaders. Laziness wins out over a thirst for power any day in a cat’s mind.
3. The state is constantly trying to intervene with our personal lives and is convinced that it knows what’s best for us. Cats, on the other hand…
4. Cats are the perfect mascots to spread the message, “Don’t Tread On Me.†But really, don’t tread on them. Have you ever tried touching a cat’s belly without its permission?
5. Unlike our current politicians, cats respect property rights. Seriously, try to take their tuna away from them.
6. Cats can’t read, so they would leave the media alone. No censorship under a cat dictatorship!
7. Let’s be honest. There is a 85% chance cats are already executing a secret plot to take over the world.
8. Honestly, would that be so bad? I mean just look at this face.
That’s change I can believe in.
my cat needs attention like a puppy dog.
strange for a cat.
That's like cannons and butterflies
If I can’t vote for a dog I am staying home!
It comes from a very ancient democracy, you see...”
“You mean, it comes from a world of lizards?”
“No,” said Ford, who by this time was a little more rational and coherent than he had been, having finally had the coffee forced down him, “nothing so simple. Nothing anything like so straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people.”
“Odd,” said Arthur, “I thought you said it was a democracy.”
“I did,” said Ford. “It is.”
“So,” said Arthur, hoping he wasn’t sounding ridiculously obtuse, “why don’t people get rid of the lizards?”
“It honestly doesn’t occur to them,” said Ford. “They’ve all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they’ve voted in more or less approximates to the government they want.”
“You mean they actually vote for the lizards?”
“Oh yes,” said Ford with a shrug, “of course.”
“But,” said Arthur, going for the big one again, “why?”
“Because if they didn’t vote for a lizard,” said Ford, “the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?”
“What?”
“I said,” said Ford, with an increasing air of urgency creeping into his voice, “have you got any gin?”
“I’ll look. Tell me about the lizards.”
Ford shrugged again.
“Some people say that the lizards are the best thing that ever happenned to them,” he said. “They’re completely wrong of course, completely and utterly wrong, but someone’s got to say it.”
“But that’s terrible,” said Arthur.
“Listen, bud,” said Ford, “if I had one Altairian dollar for every time I heard one bit of the Universe look at another bit of the Universe and say ‘That’s terrible’ I wouldn’t be sitting here like a lemon looking for a gin.”
- Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish (Hitchhiker’s Guide, #4)
Cats have hairballs
Cats scratch furniture
Cats miss their box
Cats don’t use their box
Cats scream when in heat
Cats do not obey
Cats carry cat scratch fever.
I’m allergic to cats.
Still better than Democrats.
Exactly.
You'll never hear this song the same. Ever.
Excellent logic!! <3
Fangs, Slings!
Mew’re welcome.
Ack, the song was banned!
Nice job.
:o])
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