Obama Bans Wealthy From Hoarding Gold

SkinnyReporter ^ | by Justin Thyme

[Lazamataz]

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama today banned private ownership of more than a quarter ounce of gold, saying the move was necessary to revive the economy.

"Wealthy Americans are bailing out on the economy by taking their money out of circulation and hoarding gold," Obama said as he signed an executive order reminiscent of Depression-era President Franklin D. Roosevelt's ban on the possession of gold.

"The wealthy are violating their trust and abusing their position by investing in gold," Obama said. "My order will put an immediate end to this practice, which threatens to hijack the good efforts of Congress and my administration, which needs at least 3 trillion dollars of additional stimulus money to maintain an acceptable rate of growth of the federal government. My motto is 'If you're not getting bigger, you're not getting better.'"

Obama made the announcement at a dais set up in the White House Rose Garden and immediately left without taking questions, his customary practice in his ongoing effort to eliminate transparency in government.

[ctdonath2]

Laz, you of all should know that, these days, satire is indistinguishable from current politics.
I love a good satire, but have given up on it because every bit of satire I’ve seen for the last decade isn’t as satirical as the reality it satirizes.

[bjorn14]

I never read stuff with satire in the title because the reall stuff is more ironic and sadder.

[Big Red Badger]

You Will wear the puffy Shirt!

But I don’t want to be a Pirate!

[ctdonath2]

Ditto. When reality parodies itself, satire is dead.

[KarlInOhio]

Obama would be far more likely to outlaw “hoarding” lead and brass.

[elcid1970]

“Truth is always stranger than fiction”

[b4its2late]

He’s too late! LOL.

[Lazamataz]

Not too late for a keyword, tho!

[onona]

I wonder.........what’s the record for keywords ?

[Lazamataz]

I’m hoping to find out. Cuss me out in the keywords! :)

[Gadsden1st]

So long as he doesn’t confiscate the CHEESE I am good to go.

[onona]

Oh I already did :)

[Lazamataz]

He won’t confiscate MOOSE, because they might bite his SISTER.

[NorthMountain]

Don’t give that dog-turd any ideas.

[Gadsden1st]

If he confiscates this:

http://nowiknow.com/this-cheese-stands-alone/

I hit the barricades.

[Gunslingr3]

Naw, it’s a dumb thing. Please don’t conflate the two.

[Lazamataz]

Have you ever really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like? Has anyone?

[Mathews]

Somebody better holla holla at all the brothas chillin’ down on Martin Luther King Blvd and Main. All them is wearin’ more gold than that y’all.

[Idaho_Cowboy]

Needs more keywords.

[Lazamataz]

You are right! So help me out! :)

More cowbell!