The College Football Czar: Week 8

Week seven in review: The national contenders have begun to differentiate themselves from the rest of the field, as Utah, LSU, Baylor, TCU, Ohio State, Michigan State, Alabama, Clemson, Notre Dame and Stanford have all solidified their standing. Given the subjective nature of the semifinal selections, MSU is one team that cannot afford even one loss, after Michigan handed them a last-second victory on an unforced special teams turnover. That, along with some uninspired showings against lesser competition, will likely be held against the Spartans, even if they defeat Ohio State and maybe Iowa to win the Big Ten.

If you were following college football last weekend, you’re probably as sick as the College Football Czar is of hearing and reading variations of the word “target.” No, the Czar is not referring to targeting penalties, which are usually legitimate. He’s talking about the suddenly ubiquitous occurrence of the term “targeting” in reference to a receiver being thrown to. After six weeks without noticing any such references, he couldn’t watch one quarter of one game on any Disney affiliate without hearing how many “targets” a certain player has had, or that a player doesn’t feel he’s being “targeted” enough. There is no such official stat as “targets,” partly because you can’t always tell who the intended receiver is. It must therefore be a fantasy gobbledystat, which means that these obviously mandatory utterances are just another excuse to weasel some more gambling references into the broadcast. The Czar can just imagine the memo that must have gone out from DraftKings to the ESPN Family of Miscreants on that one.

The Czar came very close to having what he would consider a very good week, which is any week with a winning percentage of .667 or greater. He failed to foresee Michigan’s meltdown, however, which left him with a record of 11-7. For the season, he is now 81-54, for a .600 winning percentage.

One brief note on next week’s edition – it will be posted one night earlier than usual, on Wednesday, because the Czar will be attending the Thursday night Pitt-North Carolina game.

The Aztecs hadn’t lived up to their billing early in the season, but they were Az advertised against San Jose State, whom they defeated 30-7 to take the lead in the West Division of the MWC. However, SJSU is the best opponent they’ve beaten so far, and the Spartans are only 3-4.

USU used Boise State last Friday night, when they turned seven first-half takeaways into a 52-26 trouncing. That disposal of the perennial Mountain Division champs makes this a possible preview of the conference title game. The Aggies harassed a previously poised Brett Rypien into three interceptions, a pair of fumbles, and a 50 percent completion rate. There’s little doubt they’ll get the last drop on Maxwell Smith, the Aztec import from Kentucky, who has looked more than a little apprehensive already.

If these teams develop a rivalry, it could get ugly, because SDSU has the potential to unleash Montezuma’s Revenge. Mind you, Utah State has the same thing, except they call it Logan’s Run.

The Panthers’ hiring of Pat Narduzzi is paying off, as their defense has rallied them to the top of the ACC’s Coastal division. After a ragged first half in Atlanta, they got a handle on Georgia Tech’s wishbone offense to win, 31-28. Kicker Chris Blewitt did no such thing, but instead booted a 56-yard game-winner on the final play.

SU is 3-1 at home this year, the only loss coming in an encouraging 34-24 tussle with LSU. In the two road games since then, however, they’ve gotten slammed by South Florida 45-24, and lost to Virginia in triple-overtime. Last season in Pittsburgh, the Orange fell apart into neat little segments, in a 30-7 loss. The Panthers were led by RB Chris James and his 122 yards. James, now healthy again, is leading his team’s ground attack in James Conner’s absence.

The Carrier Dome has been used for football ever since 1980, when the Pentagon discovered that airplanes couldn’t take off from it, because there was a roof over the thing. Kind of embarrassing not to have noticed that sooner.

This game is being played in Baltimore, which is an appropriate setting for two teams that harbor some bitterness from last season’s 20-19 Terrapin victory, which was marred by a brief pregame fracas after the Maryland captains refused to shake hands. That result snapped the shellbacks’ 0-28-1 slump against the Nittany Lions, dating back to their last previous win, in 1961.

Mike Locksley enters his first game as head coach at Maryland, having previously had a brief, scandalous, and extremely unsuccessful stint at New Mexico. He inherits a 2-4 team, which doesn’t sound so bad, except that each of those four losses has been by three touchdowns or more. The question now for the Terrapins is, how Lobo can they go?

It would be hard to blame the Lions if they’re still carrying a grudge, even though the chief troublemaker, Terps’ WR Stefon Diggs, has since moved on to the Minnesota Vikings. Of course, Diggs was not alone in refusing to shake hands, but you have to cut the Terrapins some slack on that one. After all, the other guys were from Penn State. There’s no telling where they’ve been.

The Utes have proven they’re good enough that they should stop playing tricks, and stick to playing straight-up football instead. In their Week 4 blowout of Oregon, every gadget they pulled out worked to perfection, like they were in a bad, Roger Moore-era James Bond movie. Last week against Arizona State, not everything went according to script. An errant lateral by a kick returner in the end zone resulted in a safety, and a second-half ASU lead. The Ute defense dominated the remainder of the 34-18 victory, so why try to be so clever, when the direct approach is working so well?

It seems that all the erratic behavior at Southern Cal did not come from Steve Sarkisian. The Trojans recovered from a shabby start at Notre Dame, and rallied from 14 points down to lead 31-24, only to fade again just as suddenly, and lose by a 41-31 final. Quarterback Cody Kessler has been picked off five times in his past three games, after throwing no interceptions through the first three.

UU coach Kyle Whittingham has announced that tight end Saile Fakailoatonga is lost for the season due to injury. Adversity has a way of bringing a team closer together, though. For instance, if you take the “TE” out of “UTES,” that leaves “US.” Just think how inspirational it would be if Whittingham demonstrated this by taking a page from Western Michigan coach P.J. Fleck’s book, and wearing “US” on his sweater. Such a motivational device would surely be responsible for all his team’s win from this point on. “Paddle The Horses!” … or something.

Please, for the sake of humanity, don’t anybody ever let P.J. Fleck write a book.

The Crimson Tide turned back Texas A&M 41-23, thanks mostly to three defensive touchdowns. Freshman defensive back Minkah Fitzpatrick ferreted out the end zone on two interception returns to lead the way.

The Volunteers visit an opponent for only the second time this year. The first was at Florida, where they let a late 13-point lead slip away in a 28-27 shocker. To blame that result on the location of the game, however, you’d have to believe that the humidity of Gainesville affected Butch Jones’ brain, and caused him to consult the two-point conversion idiot card early in the fourth quarter.

With roughly a 50-50 chance of extending his lead to two touchdowns, Jones kicked instead to leave his team ahead 27-14, with little enough time remaining that they were not likely to allow a touchdown and two field goals. The College Football Czar only wishes the Vols’ coach would lend his card to Pittsburgh Steeler skipper Mike Tomlin, who has twice been rescued by his players after unsuccessful two-point attempts under the stupidest circumstances imaginable. Evidently, the college and NFL conversion cards were written by different idiots.

If the Wildcat players were really employees of Northwestern University, they could go on disability from consecutive workplace mishaps against Michigan (31-0) and Iowa (40-10). After excellent early-season wins over Stanford, Duke and Minnesota, the Cats’ Big Ten campaign has been nipped in the bud, just like it was at the same point last season, when they lost four straight in between upsets of Wisconsin and Notre Dame.

Even Coach Dale got off to a better start with the Huskers than Mike Riley has. Riley’s Cornhuskers finally scored a good win last week, 48-25 over Minnesota, to improve to 3-4. Now, all he needs are six more consecutive victories to equal Bo Pelini’s record from last year.

If the Wildcats aren’t employees, then they can’t go on a wildcat strike, but there wouldn’t be any point anyway. Who has ever been the slightest bit inconvenienced because nobody showed up one day to do whatever wildcats do? Perhaps if they had called their team the Bomb-Sniffing Dogs, they’d have a little more leverage.

The Wildcats were waylaid 55-0 by the same Oklahoma team that had been upset by the Longhorns a week earlier. What does that mean as far as this game is concerned? Not much. The Red River Rivalry seldom bears any relation to the rest of the season, and K-State coach Bill Snyder won’t let one blowout loss rattle his team. In fact, Snyder publicly apologized for his team’s performance against OU. Rest assured he has no intention of having to do that again this season.

The Horns’ special teams have been about as revolting as special sauce this year. The difference is that at least the special teams have consistency, but only insofar as they’re consistently awful. The kicking game has been the kryptonite to the men of steer, who were done in by a missed extra point against Cal, and a mishandled punt snap against Oklahoma State. Then, while trailing TCU 7-0, they gave up a safety on an errant punt snap, and then a free kick out of bounds to give the Horned Frogs a short field, thus effective ending the game.

The University of Texas has just signed a new 15-year deal with Nike. That kind of security gives Phil Knight a lot more freedom to express himself. By the end of the season, they’ll have traded in their burnt orange for golden brown, as part of an ill-conceived tribute to Texas toast.

These teams won’t be meeting again in an ACC championship rematch, because the Yellowjackets are already eliminated from Coastal division contention. Tech’s perplexing losing streak has reached five games, even though they played far better in their most recent setback, 31-28 to Pitt.

For the second year in a row, FSU doesn’t seem good enough to keep winning, but it keeps winning. The Noles must still face Clemson and Florida, but the Czar thinks they’re most likely to get tripped up by this triple option attack from GT, which almost upset them in that 37-35 title game last December.

Anyone who believes in jinxes must be bumfuzzled by the fact that Seminole QB Everett Golson hasn’t yet turned the ball over, because the TV announcers have been discussing it at length every game. That’s like mentioning a no-hitter in the fifth inning, and still having it intact by the ninth. Every lardhead knows that shouldn’t be possible, because the sound waves from the announcer’s mouth will slow the ball down on its way to the plate.

Just so there’s no confusion, the initials “GT” stand for Georgia Tech, not George Thorogood. George’s idea of a triple option would be that he could drink beer, drink liquor, or sleep.

Freshman Tiger quarterback Sean White hasn’t thrown any touchdown passes in his first three games, but he’s got a completion percentage of 66.2, and he hasn’t been restricted to safe, short-range passes like so many others around the NCAA.

The Razorbacks have been sharper than their 2-4 record would suggest. All four losses have been competitive games against very good teams, and they’ve tallied a quality win over Tennessee. It’s hard to imagine this Tiger team faring any better against the same competition. It looks as if U of A tight end Jeremy Sprinkle might not be so sparingly added to the mix from now on. In a 27-14 loss to Alabama, he doubled a career-high with four receptions, including catches for 18 and 21 yards.

Have you ever noticed that Fred and Doris Ziffel have a series of very different-looking pigs that they call Arnold? One of them is tiny and pink, but another is a big, hairy, ornery critter like the one on the Hogs’ helmets. Come to think of it, late in the series Fred quietly acquired a new wife, whom he also addressed as Doris. Where’s NCIS Hooterville when you need it?

This matchup is like looking in the mirror for coach Bob Stoops, although he probably prefers that to the days when he had to look across the field at Mike Leach. The Sooner offense has become stylistically similar to Tech’s, although Stoops is glad he can’t say the same about his defense.

OU is 5-1, coming off a 55-0 can-kicking of Kansas State. Still, they cannot afford to have lost their Red River Rivalry game to Texas, if they want to contend for the Big Ten title. The Sooners end the regular season with consecutive games against Baylor, TCU and Oklahoma State.

The Red Raiders can’t be blamed for consecutive losses to TCU and Baylor, but the difficulty they had in putting away Kansas last week was downright shameful. Their 20-point lead had dwindled to three by the time they failed to cover a KU fumble in the end zone. Two Tech defenders wrestled for the ball, which popped loose and actually rolled back into the field of play, resulting in neither a touchdown nor a safety, with possession going back to the Jayhawks. The Raiders padded the final score to 30-20, only by returning an INT for a touchdown with less than a minute to play.

It’s a little-known fact that the Red River Rivalry is a misnomer. It’s really called the Lead Liver Rivalry, and it makes the Georgia-Florida tailgate party look like a day at Chuck E. Cheese’s.

The Blue Devils appeared to be headed for their second consecutive ACC title game a year ago, until Tech toppled them, 17-16 in Durham. The Gobblers trailed 10-0 early, but forced three turnovers, which they converted into all 17 of their points.

The only reason legendary VT coach Frank Beamer isn’t currently under a Spurrier Watch is that his team has declined so gradually that it hasn’t defied expectations the way South Carolina has. Beamer’s team is looking for its 22nd consecutive winning season, but in the past three years they’ve gone 7-6, 8-5 and 7-6, and they’re now just 3-4 in 2015.

The Devil’s in the details for David Cutcliffe’s team. Their only quality win has been against Georgia Tech, who got the better of them apart from special teams. Now, they’re coming off an idle week they really didn’t need, after easing past Army in Week 6.

The Gobblers should really try not to force turnovers if possible. Choking on a breakfast pastry is a bummer of a way to go. Just ask Mama Cass.

When the cheese arrives at Champaign, that sounds more like a setting for a candle party than a football game. Not that the Czar has ever been to a candle party. Oh, look, here comes a fortuitous change in subject …

The loser of this game is all but mathematically eliminated from contention in the Big Ten West, where both teams trail undefeated Iowa by a game in the loss column, and each has already lost to the Hawkeyes head-to-head. The Big Bad Gers have a more favorable schedule, with their only two East division opponents being Rutgers and Maryland, whereas the Fighting Illini must line up against Ohio State and Penn State.

The Illini are 4-0 at home this year, including unlikely finishes to beat Middle Tennessee and Nebraska. They haven’t lost at Memorial Stadium since last November against Iowa, the same team that defeated them in Iowa City two weeks ago.

There are so many stadiums named Memorial Stadium in college football that nobody can remember them.

Last Thursday night’s Wildcat rally sputtered at the Auburn 44-yard line on their last possession of a 30-27 defeat. At 4-2, their only losses have been to AU and Florida, by a total of just eight points. On the other hand, their two conference wins have been against mopey East division also-rans South Carolina and Missouri, and they’ve barely survived challenges from rebuilding Louisiana-Lafayette, and Division I-AA Eastern Kentucky.

The Bulldogs spotted Louisiana Tech 14 points, but then poured it on to win 45-20, to wrap up their nonconference schedule at 4-0. Their other victims outside the league have been Southern Miss, Troy, and I-AA Northwestern State of Louisiana. (S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-FREAKIN-C!) For the season, they’re 5-2, with their lone conference win over Auburn.

Those infamous cowbells used by the MSU fans are, by any reasonable measure, illegal noisemakers, just like thunder sticks and vuvuzelas. In 2010, the SEC wussed out by allowing the bells to be brought to Davis Wade Stadium, just as long as the fans don’t use them while the opposing offense is trying to call plays. There’s no good way to police that, of course. When a bell is illegally rung, it’s not as if you can just pick the goof with the maroon cowbell out of the crowd.

Vuvuzelas … There they are! Bert, what do you know about that? Merry Christmas!

Leading Hurricane tackler Raphael Kirby is the latest key player to succumb to a season-ending knee injury. The senior linebacker was hurt during last week’s 30-20 win over Virginia Tech.

The Tigers are lucky there’s no BCS this season. If there were, then there would be an outside chance that schedule strength would count for something. It should be noted that most of their weenie opposition is not their fault. The top-heavy ACC Atlantic division features them and Florida State, and little else. That gives them five weak conference opponents, to go along with an anticlimactic season finale against the Spurrier-spurned Gamecocks. Throw in the obligatory opener against a lower-division team (Wofford), and that wouldn’t leave much else to make an impression on the computer ratings, if they were relevant.

The Hurricanes still haven’t struck ground this season. Sophomore RB Joseph Yearby is the team’s runaway leader with 517 yards, but in his two ACC games, he’s averaging just over 2.7 yards per carry.

Aggie QB Kyle Allen threw three interceptions against Alabama, and all three were returned for touchdowns in a 41-23 loss. Allen passed for 263 yards for his own team, but the return yardage from his INTs totaled 181. Prior to that game, the Conjunction Boys had gone 5-0 against respectable competition, beating Arizona State, Ball State, Nevada, Arkansas and Mississippi State. Allen had only thrown two picks among those games, as opposed to 13 touchdowns.

Evidently, the Rebels just happen to be among the vast majority of the earth’s population that, for some demented reason or other, do not read the College Football Czar’s picks. If they had, they’d have known that their spiffy light blue helmets were already sapped of power when they wore them a second time against Vanderbilt. Instead, they persisted to wear them a third time, the end result being a 37-24 upset loss to Memphis. (S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-FREAKIN-C!) That outcome, combined with a lopsided loss to Florida, makes that Alabama upset a distant memory.

Oh, sure. But when President Obama uses the word “spiffy,” everyone pretends it isn’t dorky at all!

At 0-6, the Aggies have already lost home games to Georgia State and UTEP. They haven’t won more than two games in a season since 2011, and haven’t finished with a winning record since 2002. That year, they went 7-5, which at the time was not good enough to get a small conference team into a bowl game.

The 1-5 Trojans have played a very tough schedule so far, but last week was supposed to be one of its soft spots. Four turnovers and a missed 32-yard field goal later, they lost to Idaho 19-16, making them the first team to be beaten by a visiting Vandal team since the sacking of Rome, at which time the Vandals were flagged 15 yards for a throat slash.

In this battle between brown furry critters, one is known for being very industrious and resourceful, whereas the other just stands around grazing and waiting to be shot. This season, the end result has been pretty much the same for both, so maybe the Buffaloes aren’t so dumb after all.

The 2-5 Beavers are 0-3 in league play, where they’re giving up an average of 46 points per game. A week ago, Washington State walloped them for 45 in the first half alone.

The Buffs are only 4-35 in Pac 12 play since joining the conference in 2011, but last season they threw a 36-31 scare into OSU. That game’s lone turnover turned out to be crucial, as Sefo Liufau’s first-quarter pick set the Beavs up at the Buffs’ 8-yard-line, from which they promptly scored to take a 14-0 lead. Liufau, now a junior, has only three interceptions this year for CU, whereas at this time last season, he had three times as many. (That’s 9 ... or for all you Common Core students, it’s 3 times 10, minus the sum of those numbers, plus the hypotenuse of the capital of Moldova, divided by how you feel about trees.)

You might wonder what made the folks at Colorado University think they were a good fit into the Pacific 12. At the time, they thought that meant it was a conference created for those 12 “pacific” universities, and not just for any old bunch of schools in general.

As long as the Tigers are in contention for the national championship, their fans should be very, very concerned about the fake field goal that coach Fewer Miles pulled in the fourth quarter of a tie game against Florida. Yes, it succeeded, but that’s only going to encourage him to do something else weird when a big game is on the line later in the season. A field goal for a 31-28 lead would probably have been sufficient to win, but Miles gambled, and it almost backfired.

The Hilltoppers are 5-1, having lost only at Indiana, 38-35. WKU has won its last two games against SEC opponents, but obviously, this is going to be a lot tougher than knocking off Kentucky or Vanderbilt. The Louisiana State defense may not be as formidable as usual, but can it knock QB Brandon Doughty off pace for a 5,000-yard season?

On the other side of the ball, Tiger RB Leonard Fournette has lots of defensive coaches muttering fournetter words. The stout sophomore has already passed his rushing total from last year, with 1,202 yards in only six games.

Traveling Hilltopper fans are excited to see the “Eye of the Tiger” painted on the field in Baton Rouge. That song is the hottest selling new release cassingle this week in Bowling Green, KY.

Sec is a joke for the third year in a row.

2 posted on 10/22/2015 7:10:47 PM PDT by for-q-clinton (If at first you don't succeed keep on sucking until you do succeed)

Thank you for posting this, Daniel Clark.

GO SOONERS!!!!!!!

3 posted on 10/22/2015 7:47:08 PM PDT by laplata ( Liberals/Progressives have diseased minds.)

4 posted on 10/22/2015 11:21:33 PM PDT by Rummyfan (Let us now try liberty)

It should be a good game. I’ll ping you after Tech is humiliated. LOL

7 posted on 10/24/2015 11:50:06 AM PDT by laplata ( Liberals/Progressives have diseased minds.)

You were a bit off on your Clemson Miami score.

“Miami Hurricanes suffer worst loss in school history to Clemson ( 58-0 )”

http://www.miamiherald.com/sports/college/acc/university-of-miami/article41324364.html

8 posted on 10/24/2015 2:06:13 PM PDT by Hillarys Gate Cult (Liberals make unrealistic demands on reality and reality doesn't oblige them.)

Ole Miss is putting the wood to the Aggies.

9 posted on 10/24/2015 7:00:56 PM PDT by Impy (They pull a knife, you pull a gun. That's the CHICAGO WAY, and that's how you beat the rats!)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Florida State pulls the “Michigan of the Week” against Georgia Tech.

Oh what a great day! And the Gators didn’t even play.

12 posted on 10/25/2015 2:27:38 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Let us now try liberty)

Sorry that Utah lost. But it’s tough to overcome four picks.

13 posted on 10/25/2015 2:28:42 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Let us now try liberty)

14 posted on 10/25/2015 2:29:22 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Let us now try liberty)

More than good enough. Ha!

15 posted on 10/25/2015 8:08:30 AM PDT by laplata ( Liberals/Progressives have diseased minds.)

16 posted on 10/25/2015 8:09:34 AM PDT by laplata ( Liberals/Progressives have diseased minds.)

‘Tis but a game to entertain the masses. I would have preferred to have been up in a tree stand but there was too much rain. We like to watch the game because one of our sons is on the TTU coaching staff.

That’s how I look at it. I didn’t even watch the game because I had other things to do.

18 posted on 10/25/2015 11:20:40 AM PDT by laplata ( Liberals/Progressives have diseased minds.)

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