Posted on 07/10/2015 6:20:22 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
On the day they were to leave Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot and his wife and children were leaving the house.
Lots wife: “Lot, I can't believe that you offered up your beautiful daughters to those men to protect men we don't even know. What kind of a man are you to do such a thing? Now, after all the time wandering in the desert, you say we have to leave home here and move off into the wilderness again, I swear, I think I married the wrong brother! Lot, what kind of a man are you?”
Lot to his wife: "Did you turn off the water in the kitchen sink?"
Lot’s wife as she turns to go back “Lot, what am I goin--------"
Lot smiles!
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.
Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.";
Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.
Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't screw with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Being famous on Facebook is a bit like being rich in Monopoly!
Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt...people writing on walls and worshiping cats!
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.
Facebook is like jail...you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know!
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status...after 3, it should default to "unstable" for at least 6 months!
But what's happening in the 2nd floor window?
And is that a bald eagle on the left window ledge?
Whoa. I am SOOO late. *sigh*
"Ceterum censeo 0bama esse delendam."
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
Please note that the girl in the flat-bed Ford isn’t slowing down. Nobody’s driving the truck, it’s stopped.
store front reflection of pick-up has passenger.
She’s not on the corner
store front reflection of pick-up has passenger.
Correction, shows a DRIVER! lol reflection is bacwards
No it doesn’t it has a mirror
_________________
Look at the storefront window at the reflection of the truck. there is no one sitting in the truck, but reflection shows passenger.
still, you are right about the mirror. :)
I am late today...spent the morning playing bass with a sax player.
Because, you know, it’s all about that bass.
Excellent!
Mens Rules for Women
We keep getting all these, "rules from the woman's side", emails so we figured it was time for a "rules from the man's side" email. These are our rules! Learn them, memorize them and use them!
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us whining about you leaving it down.
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Saturday = Sports
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. Mark them on a calendar and remind us frequently.
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Check your oil! Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer that question anymore.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us look. It doesn't hurt anyone, to look. And for us, its genetic.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colours. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.
We are not mind readers and we never will be.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will believe you.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Now I have that eagles song stuck in my head! thanx
I was listening to some Jackson Browne last night. Love his old stuff.
no that is all passenger side mirror.
It is.
On a scale of one to ten, bass is 11.
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