Posted on 01/09/2015 4:40:53 AM PST by Lucky9teen
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself:
"Man.... that coulda been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
Muhammad was not born gay. He was sucked into it.
Um....contradict much?
A young Arab asks his father, “What is this weird hat that we are wearing ?”
“It’s a ‘chechia’ because, in the desert, it protects our heads from the sun.”
“And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?”
“It’s a ‘djbellah’ because, in the desert, it is very hot and it protects your body”
“And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet ?”
“These are ‘babouches’, which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert”
“Tell me, Papa…”
“Yes, my son ?”
“Why are we living in Melbourne and still wearing all this crap?”
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.
Let’s see now…
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No Nude Women/Men
No car races
No football
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No nachos
No Beer nuts
No Beer
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next door because he’s sick and there are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can’t shave.
Your wives can’t shave.
You can’t shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
No mystery here.
Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.
They’re calling it ‘Islam’.
A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London.
He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching,
he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music,
especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, “What are you doing?
The cabbie answered, “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so screw off and wait for a camel!”
I did.
Contast that ‘no’ list with the list from Team America:
America, F* Yeah! [Caution, rough language]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R5A0pg4oN8
In my inbox this morning:
A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco.
While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat.
It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat?” Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story,” said the wise old Chinaman.
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay. Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.
“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story?”
“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Muslim.”
TOP 30!
LMAO
Oops!
In the 18th century the arabs invented the condom using the lower part of a goat’s rectum.
In the 19th century the British improved the condom by first removing it from the goat.
I like cows,
They got the skinny feet.
Yeah, like their friends, the sha-ved sheep,
They got the skinny feet.
—The Suburbs, “Cows”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkZy4yChJkU
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”
The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”
The owner says, “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
The clerk says, “Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s afraid to cough!”
Congratulations on your divorce. Now, stay single and live happily ever after. No joke.
IN! Finally...
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