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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 03/14/2014 5:57:50 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Today's lesson, from Common (Commie) Core

Let's start out with English and Language Arts


Reading Time!

Church Ladies
Typewriters.
They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you .
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help .
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs .
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
" I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours .


And now for Economics & Civics


The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Chris Matthews’ leg has quit tingling.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Rush Limbaugh is smoking Swisher Sweets.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that the Grey Poupon guy has switched to French’s.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that the White House china is actually being made in China.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that the President is changing his slogan to “Hope and Spare Change!”

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Nancy Pelosi is selling earmarks for 1/2 price.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Saturday Night Live is thinking about telling an Obama joke.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that the President is running a small business on the side. It’s called GM.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Rosie O’Donnell is losing weight.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Kenya now claims he wasn’t born there.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Al Gore is selling carbon credits on late night television.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Bill Ayers has to make do with M-80s.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that the White House plans to cut Hillary Clinton’s hours.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Barack’s pyramid is on hold.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Michelle fired her nanny and learned her children’s names.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that the airlines are installing pay toilets in coach.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that you can order checks pre-marked “Insufficient Funds.”

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Congress is planning a spare change for clunkers program.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Americans are being caught sneaking into Mexico.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that the Chicago mob is laying off judges.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Jesse Jackson is renting a limo.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that it only takes one lick to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Motel Six won’t leave the light on for you anymore.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that they now ask at the burger counter, “Can you afford fries with that?”

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that the federal stimulus checks are bouncing.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that banking executives are playing miniature golf.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that the CEO of Wal-Mart was seen shopping at Wal-Mart.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that one of the the best paying jobs nowadays is jury duty.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that even people who aren’t in the Cabinet have stopped paying taxes.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Michael Vick is working at Petco.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Al Sharpton cuts his own hair.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that McDonald’s has a layaway plan.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Bill Clinton watches scrambled porn.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that John Edwards is cutting his own hair.

The Obama economy Sucks so bad…that Obama is robbing Paul to pay Peter.  
 

And now for some Math



 



TOPICS: Books/Literature; Chit/Chat; Education; Humor
KEYWORDS: commiecore; commoncore; education; indoctrination; littleredschoolhouse; naughtyteacherslist; ofst; silliness
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1 posted on 03/14/2014 5:57:50 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...



THEN GET TO SOME


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST


2 posted on 03/14/2014 6:00:20 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

FIRST!


3 posted on 03/14/2014 6:00:33 AM PDT by Old Sarge (TINVOWOOT: There Is No Voting Our Way Out Of This)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 2?


4 posted on 03/14/2014 6:00:39 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top Ten!!!!


5 posted on 03/14/2014 6:01:05 AM PDT by exit82 ("The Taliban is on the inside of the building" E. Nordstrom 10-10-12)
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To: Old Sarge; sodpoodle

Hat tip sodpoodle

Cowboy Solution (This is Good)

I have lived, loved, lost and loved again.

Life is not easy,..... but it is what it is.

Cowboy rules for:

Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Colorado, New Mexico, Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Utah, Nebraska, Idaho, and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain’t crooked.

3. Let’s get this straight: it’s called a ‘gravel road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That’s why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin’ in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.

9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10.. We open doors for women. That’s applied to all women, regardless of age..

11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don’t care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring ‘Coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won’t get it, but we’re friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!

And there is more.............
The COWBOY Solution to save Gasoline.

OBAMA wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use.....

The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants!

That would be 15 million less people using our gas.
The price of gas would come down.....
Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....

Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military....

Give him a soldier’s pay while he’s there and tax him on it......

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country...
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident......
This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. .......

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the rifle or ammo.

Problem solved.....

If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends....

I just did..........


6 posted on 03/14/2014 6:04:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: TADSLOS

Top 5, 6, or 7, depending on when this post gets through


7 posted on 03/14/2014 6:05:30 AM PDT by NCC-1701 (I am proud of what America USED TO BE.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Good morning everybody!


8 posted on 03/14/2014 6:06:17 AM PDT by FroggyTheGremlim ("It is not the color of his skin, ... it is the blackness that fills his soul")
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To: NCC-1701
Hey..how have you been? Good to see you here. :)


9 posted on 03/14/2014 6:08:13 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10 woot...

Or, maybe not


10 posted on 03/14/2014 6:15:15 AM PDT by EQAndyBuzz (Insurgent Conservative)
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To: Lucky9teen

Woo Hoo!

Top Ten (maybe)


11 posted on 03/14/2014 6:16:59 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: EQAndyBuzz

Missed it by that much! Top Ten, that is.


12 posted on 03/14/2014 6:17:28 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: Lucky9teen
My son-in-law is a bonafide quantum physicist and his reaction to Commie Core math was - "What the hell is this?"


13 posted on 03/14/2014 6:21:44 AM PDT by Slyfox (When Jesus sees a momma holding her little baby, it reminds him of his own momma.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 15!


14 posted on 03/14/2014 6:26:23 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

15 posted on 03/14/2014 6:27:03 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 20!!!


16 posted on 03/14/2014 6:28:36 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Don't try to win over the haters. You're not the Jackass Whisperer.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Peace sells... but who's buying?


17 posted on 03/14/2014 6:30:26 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: Lucky9teen

18 posted on 03/14/2014 6:31:08 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tre Norner eg ber, binde til rota...)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TWENTY!!!!

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!!!

ERIN GO BRAGH!

19 posted on 03/14/2014 6:31:12 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

20 posted on 03/14/2014 6:34:53 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tre Norner eg ber, binde til rota...)
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