***THE OFFICIAL HUMP-DAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Guess What Day it is?

Alice B. Toklas

What is sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander but is not necessarily sauce for the chicken, the duck, the turkey or the guinea hen.

George Carlin

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.

Mitch Hedberg

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

Ellen Orleans

I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.

Kin Hubbard

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

Erma Bombeck, No One Diets on Thanksgiving

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

Cornelius Plantinga, Jr.

It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful 'in general.' It's very strange. It's a little like being married in general.

Alton Brown

That's the ultimate goal of most turkey recipes: to create a great skin and stuffing to hide the fact that turkey meat, in its cooked state, is dry and flavorless. Does it have to be that way? No. We just have to focus on what the turkey is and what the turkey needs.

Ted Nugent

If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed -- like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.

Russell Baker

It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with 'gourmet' status.

Jim Davis

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.

Johnny Carson

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

Anonymous

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

[Hoodat]

[a fool in paradise]

[Disambiguator]

Nice UFO pic (top right of picture).

[Baynative]

I heard a comedian talking about being stopped while smoking pot.

The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The driver answered, " 35?"

"NO, said the cop. "Try again".

The driver looked at him sheepishly and said, "45?"

The cop's brow furrowed as he looked him right in the eye with a scowl and shouted, "EIGHT!"

[a fool in paradise]

HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

[a fool in paradise]

Michael Medved got a national holiday?

[Baynative]

THANKSGIVING DAY!

Don't forget to set your scale back 10 lbs!

[Monkey Face]

IN!

[Cyber Liberty]

I prefer animals that wear their brains on the *inside* of the head....

[Monkey Face]

Ugh.

[JoeProBono]

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Best. Pie. Chart. Ever.

[who knows what evil?]

Not sure what you have there, but my diabetic wife is in one of those ‘to hell with it’ moods, and is cranking out a big fat banana creme pie for herself tomorrow...

[Revolting cat!]

A bicycle coop store near me has a sign on the door announcing that it will be closed Thanksgiving Day, as well as the following ‘Buy Nothing Day’.

[a fool in paradise]

Challenge him to keep it up until Dec 26th!

[a fool in paradise]

[BenLurkin]

Too bad it has a misplaced comma.

[BenLurkin]

Yes, well I bet most Americans don’t know that in Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly happen.

[a fool in paradise]

[GeronL]

those are some sales

but I’m too broke unless there is a half-price sale on the dollar menu