***THE OFFICIAL HUMP-DAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Guess What Day it is?

Alice B. Toklas

What is sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander but is not necessarily sauce for the chicken, the duck, the turkey or the guinea hen.

George Carlin

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.

Mitch Hedberg

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

Ellen Orleans

I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.

Kin Hubbard

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

Erma Bombeck, No One Diets on Thanksgiving

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

Cornelius Plantinga, Jr.

It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful 'in general.' It's very strange. It's a little like being married in general.

Alton Brown

That's the ultimate goal of most turkey recipes: to create a great skin and stuffing to hide the fact that turkey meat, in its cooked state, is dry and flavorless. Does it have to be that way? No. We just have to focus on what the turkey is and what the turkey needs.

Ted Nugent

If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed -- like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.

Russell Baker

It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with 'gourmet' status.

Jim Davis

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.

Johnny Carson

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

Anonymous

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

[Lucky9teen]

[ShadowAce]

Woohoo!! I’m in!!!

[Hoffer Rand]

YAY!! First EVER in before the ping! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!

[Currentriverrat]

OH YEAH!

[JoeProBono]

[dalereed]

Since when have they ever declared an offical fornication day?

[SeminoleCounty]

LOL on these

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

[upchuck]

WOW! Did I make it into the top ten? Got some goodies for y’all.

[smokingfrog]

top10

[Ingtar]

“Excuse me, but have you seen my brother?”

[Lucky9teen]

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A LITTLE

THANKSGIVING


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

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[blueunicorn6]

I see that Al Gore announced that he’s Vegan now. He said he’s only going to eat vegetables for Thanksgiving. Doesn’t that make him a cannibal?

The new Al Gore theme song.....

EVERY TIME I EAT VEGETABLES IT MAKES ME THINK OF YOU - The Ramones

[upchuck]

Jenny, a blonde girl, came skipping home from school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!”
“Very good,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde?” Jenny asked.
“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!”
“Very good, Jenny,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!”
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”
“No Honey, it’s because you’re 24.”

——————————————————————————— Rim Shot -—————————————————————————————

According to a new study, marijuana smokers get into fewer car accidents than beer drinkers. Scientists say this is because potheads are too lazy to get off the couch to drive somewhere.

[Lucky9teen]

Good news: Bloomberg’s gun-control group offering printable placemats for Thanksgiving dinner

[DJ MacWoW]

End It Before Thanksgiving

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[TheConservativeParty]

Top 20!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve to all.

[smokingfrog]

fumb!

[Lucky9teen]

[BenLurkin]

Day before Thanksgiving bump!

[EQAndyBuzz]

Top 20..