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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 08/09/2013 5:54:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"
Cashier:"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!"
Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of 9/11, impostors, forgers, money laundering, and bad mortgage underwriting not to mention requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Obama: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Obama: "I am urging you, please, to cash this check. I need to buy a gift for Michelle for her next vacation"
Cashier: "Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into one of our bank branches without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a coffee cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came into the same place without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where as the tennis ball landed in a coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his check."
"So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"
Obama: Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don’t have a clue.”
Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
U.S. embassies are closed all around the Middle East this week due to a terrorist threat. What happened was the U.S. intercepted a conference call of 20 al-Qaida operatives. Twenty on one conference call! Who is their carrier? I go under a bridge and my cellphone drops the call, but they can get 20 people in one call from a cave? ~ Jay Leno
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; security; silliness; weak
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
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To: Disambiguator
41
posted on
08/09/2013 8:06:47 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
42
posted on
08/09/2013 8:09:11 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: Rummyfan
43
posted on
08/09/2013 8:10:02 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: Lucky9teen
44
posted on
08/09/2013 8:10:48 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: relictele
45
posted on
08/09/2013 8:11:32 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: a fool in paradise
46
posted on
08/09/2013 8:13:30 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: MortMan
47
posted on
08/09/2013 8:15:15 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers
A four foot tall psychic held up a bank at gun point and is on the lam
The news paper reported “Small Medium At Large”.
48
posted on
08/09/2013 8:16:28 AM PDT
by
llevrok
(“It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words,” Orwell wrote)
To: Pan_Yan
49
posted on
08/09/2013 8:16:33 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: CodeJockey
50
posted on
08/09/2013 8:17:52 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: BenLurkin
Pretty voice, cute girl, horrid lyrics written in the sloppiest prose I’ve heard in ages...
51
posted on
08/09/2013 8:20:30 AM PDT
by
Dead Corpse
(I will not comply.)
To: Lucky9teen
Test confusion...
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, “Hello?”
“Mrs. Sanders, please.”
“Speaking.”
“Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory.
When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.”
“What do you mean?” Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
“Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.”
“That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?” questioned Mrs. Sanders.
“Normally we can, but the new health care system will
only pay for these expensive tests just one time.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
“The folks at ObamaCare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.
If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.”
52
posted on
08/09/2013 8:23:23 AM PDT
by
llevrok
(“It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words,” Orwell wrote)
To: Lucky9teen
Some of those, Lucky, are the most inspired ideas I have seen in a LOOONG time!
53
posted on
08/09/2013 8:24:17 AM PDT
by
Old Sarge
(My "KMA List" is growing daily...)
To: MortMan
54
posted on
08/09/2013 8:27:09 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
("The only thing worse than a knee-jerk liberal is a knee-pad conservative." ~ Edward Abbey)
To: BenLurkin
To: BenLurkin; Daffynition
I was really looking forward to seeing Tony Clifton star in the new Spider-Man franchise.
To: Dead Corpse
57
posted on
08/09/2013 8:32:16 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
To: Lucky9teen
58
posted on
08/09/2013 8:33:39 AM PDT
by
MortMan
(Disarming the sheep only emboldens the wolves.)
To: MortMan
Happy Birthday fellow Kansan! Hope it’s the best yet and that you have many many more!
59
posted on
08/09/2013 8:33:50 AM PDT
by
MWestMom
(Psalms 109:8)
To: Pan_Yan; Lucky9teen
Instead of 140 characters, Tweets would be limited to your IQ numbeLuckily, Microsoft Word has that Wordcount so I can keep track or those 157 words...
60
posted on
08/09/2013 8:34:02 AM PDT
by
Old Sarge
(My "KMA List" is growing daily...)
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