We "Decimated" Al Qaeda
Posted on 08/09/2013 5:54:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
"So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States?"
Obama: Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don’t have a clue.”
Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
U.S. embassies are closed all around the Middle East this week due to a terrorist threat. What happened was the U.S. intercepted a conference call of 20 al-Qaida operatives. Twenty on one conference call! Who is their carrier? I go under a bridge and my cellphone drops the call, but they can get 20 people in one call from a cave? ~ Jay Leno
WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF
In !!!
WOOT WOOT
IBTP??
Good Morning!
Top Ten!
Have a nice weekend all!
Top 20?
Yeah... It's a lot like that.
Top 20!!!
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
God went to the Arabs and said, ‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’
The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’
And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’
‘Can you give us an example?’
‘Thou shall not kill.’
‘Not kill? We’re not interested..’
So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’
The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, ‘Honor thy Father and Mother.’
‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested.’
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, ‘I have Commandments.’
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’
‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’
Then He went to the French and said, ‘I have Commandments.’
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery.’
‘Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, ‘I have Commandments..’
‘Commandments?’ They said, ‘How much are they?’
‘They’re free.’
‘We’ll take 10.’
There. That, should piss off just about everybody.....
If my twitter message length was my IQ, I could write longer messages (seriously). But, I don’t use twitter, and if I did, my allowed message length would decline quickly.
Nevada has a “none of the above” option on all statewide elections, including US President and US Senator. It has been there since 1978, and was upheld just last month by the US Court of Appeals. However, NOTA cannot not “win” the election, and won’t force a new one. It is only a form of protest vote.
You can buy alcoholic beverages in pouches now, I have seen them at Walmart. But, I think they were all intended to be frozen, like a margarita.
A police department in California is now requiring officers to wear cameras to record all of their public interactions while on duty. Complaints by citizens have dropped 86%.
Some new microwaves can be programmed by entering a code printed on the product’s box. However, I haven’t seen the codes on any products.
Decimated was a specific Roman revenge tactic where they would go into a rebellious district and kill 10% of the people, thus the prefix "deci-".
So in this case that would mean 90% of Al Qaeda's leadership is still in place. Sounds about right.
Word Play
A bicycle can’t stand alone.... it is two tired.
A boiled egg is.... hard to beat.
A dentist and a manicurist married.... They fought tooth and nail.
A thief who stole a calendar.... got twelve months.
A will is a.... dead give-away.
Acupuncture.... a jab well done.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
I was going to look for my missing watch but I could never find the time.
I used to have a fear of hurdles but I got over it.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.
I used to be addicted to soap but I’m clean now.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
The new weed whacker is cutting-hedge technology.
Some people’s noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
When William joined the army he disliked the phrase ‘fire at will’.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
It’s raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn’t reindeer.
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
My new theory on inertia doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
John Deere’s manure spreader is the only equipment the company won’t stand behind.
Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends but what would be the point?
I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.
We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. ~Roderick Thorp
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