Posted on 06/20/2013 12:01:02 PM PDT by Resettozero
Recently I was asked about a very difficult situation.
A woman has been married to a man with a long-term addiction to pornography. The last few years he’s been trying to stop, but by his own efforts alone. When she asks him if he’s struggling he will deny it. She finds out he’s using again and then has the double-hurt of his use and his lying.
At one point, with her husband’s permission, she talked with their pastor (who is also her husband’s brother) about this situation. He told her that her husband had to seek help (true) and that there was nothing he could do (not necessarily true). He then said a prayer. If her hope was for anything more than that, she was disappointed.
She concluded this part of her story (there is another piece of the story we’ll take up in subsequent post) by saying “this problem has gone on for so long I don’t talk to my husband about it anymore.”
(Excerpt) Read more at covenanteyes.com ...
Ok, so you did answer the question. Thank you.
What if the wife is choosing not to have sex with him? What then?
How can you be so sure this isn’t what is happening in this example here? All we have is the testimony of the wife.
If we heard a testimony from, say, your husband and he accused you of being frigid, unwilling to have sex, etc, wouldn’t you just be a bit angry if everyone believed him simply based on his testimony?
Which is why many women choose not to have sex with their husbands. :)
I never said women are stupid. I said that they think they are smart but they don’t like the consequences of their choices.
Indeed
Just like plenty men cheat on hot bunny rabbit wives
Its character more than anything else
Course there are circumstances
Ambivalence....obesity etc
But rare is a man who has never looked at something girlie
And most men are not unsatisfied.....
I don’t think anyhow
Men are more visual
However all the women in my life sure got all worked up over Magic Mike...good lord
I think porn exists mostly for men who don’t have women
That is the big market
A substitute for something they don’t have or can’t have
What we have here is the testimony of a couple where the husband has a porn addiction who refuses to deal with it and he’s leaving or rather abandoning his wife to deal with it the best she can.
I find it hard to believe that a wife who is bothered by it is also not willing to fulfill her husband. On the contrary, if she were that unwilling, it wouldn’t bother her that he was getting his needs met somewhere else.
He alone is responsible for his addiction, he alone is responsible for not being willing to deal with it, he is responsible to make his marriage work. He’s got a wife who’s willing to work at it. He’s not. That would indicate a willingness on her part to fulfill him.
He’s the man. It’s time for him to grow up and act like one.
Not only do you have no clue about marriage, you have no clue about women. Do the women you know a favor and stay single.
In terms of this thread, and considerations of sin aside, there is a difference between the occasional use of porn in the circumstances you mention and the situation described in the article: porn addiction so severe that it is shutting out an acceptable sexual relationship in the marriage.
An addiction (as distinct from infrequent curiosity about non-violent images of adults) is a perceived “need” to use porn at a frequency that interferes with daily living, renders the user less than acceptably available to the spouse and/or children, or impairs a person’s ability to perform at work, either by “using” at work, or by staying up late to use, and then being physically impaired at work the next day.
The second issue that needs to be underlined on this thread is whether a spouse’s sexual behavior, or lack thereof, is responsible for a porn addiction. While a spouse’s behavior may trigger a slide into the behavior, the responsibility for using porn lies entirely with the user.
We all will, in due time.
I certainly agree, and am not trying to stand in judgment of this man, but to clarify what he needs to do to deal with the sin described in the article, which is to own it. Presumably his wife has sins of her own, just as we all do -- "...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Rom 3:23)
It really doesn't matter what I believe. God is the author of truth and it is to Him you need to turn for answers. You might take your question to your scriptures and your pastor, counselor or spiritual advisor.
The thread is about one husband's addiction, not about a wife's duty -- his wife or any other. Therefore your question, insofar as it seems a very personal desire on your part to have your question answered and have others agree with you, is essentially irrelevant to the thread. The term on FR for people who try to turn a thread to shine a spotlight on themselves is "thread hijacking."
I hope you find answers. But I'm done with replying to you, because you seem to be either just playing for attention at this point, or you genuinely cannot read, process and learn through this medium. If the latter is the case, I urge you to find a qualified person of your own religion to counsel you in person.
Hahahahahahaha!
To everyone who replied to JCBreckenridge...^5s and kudos all around!
I’m on my iPad, and it’s a pain to copy and paste. If it weren’t such a pain, I would copy and paste the post to which I’m replying, wardaddy...in huge font...and in bold!
You hit the nail on the head!
Well I’ll tell anyone tired of hearing it
I love women......always have....they are simply delicious in every way
They make my world go round and have since grade school in the 60s
..
I cut a long and colorful graze of wild feline oats once upon a time....sinfully admittedly...but have been in Christian matrimony for a long time now with one woman since my late 30s and lucky for me dont suffer any of the lamentations described on this thread
I pity those missing out or who lost their mate
And yes porn can most definitely be an obsession
A destructive one.....
Its obviously wrong....hard to say why so many men and a fair number of women like it
Its like cocaine...best avoided
I’m southern.....I think women here....especially like old school... my mothers generation
Understood women needed to stay feminine and tend to their mans needs...even if they do have a headache
Newer women compete with men and wouldnt dare even metaphorically submit
Its complicated I reckon
Been faithful to only one kitty for nearly 20 years now....never thought was possible but with her its easy
I wish the same for all
Even butthead Breck girl
Nothing approaches the comfort and joy.....and yes....pleasure......of a virtuous and loyal female companion
In my experience, southern men appreciate women more than many of those from other regions. Of course, southern men generally deal with southern women. We must compliment each other.
It’s ALL good. ;-)
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