***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Tips for Avoiding U.S. Drone Strikes

One sure fire way to avoid being targeted is to assume the low information voter position. This is a modified duck and cover pose, just stick your head between your legs and…well you know the drill. Otherwise, here are some other suggestions:

1. Join the church where Al Sharpton is a preacher. No one knows where it is.
2. If you can’t find it, join the church Obama frequents.
3. If you can’t find that: register as a Republican Senate candidate from New York, New Jersey, or California.
4. Get a federal “green energy” loan, then declare bankruptcy. The U.S. government will cover for you.
5. Proclaim you are a victim of black-on-black crime. The media will render you invisible.
6. Come out as a black conservative. The media will render you unrecognizable.
7. If you are a woman: confess that Bill Clinton or Ted Kennedy once propositioned you.
8. Hide in the back of a Massachusetts senator’s submerged car. It will buy you at least a few hours.
9. Become a member of Obama’s Job Council.
10. Insert yourself in the next 2,000-page bill.
11. Follow Jesse Jackson to an honest day’s work.
12. Get friendly with Sandra Fluke. Nobody has ever been able to find any of those guys.
13. Say “Hi, I’m Jon Huntsman and I’m still running for president.”
14. Pretend you’re a salad; at least the First Lady won’t spot you.
15. Never walk in New York holding a 16oz Styrofoam soda cup.
16. Never drink from a bottle of water in front of a camera. This will put you in the media spotlight 24/7 for days.
17. Get in line at the DMV or another government office; by the time you emerge, drones will be obsolete.
18. Impersonate an American taxpayer.
19. Hide in plain sight in Benghazi; it makes a lot of difference.
20. Camp out at Obama’s shooting range; no one is ever there.
21. Stay where Obama keeps his college transcripts, U.S. passport records, or financial records. You will never be disclosed.
22. Set up in one of Chicago’s highest murder-rate zones. A truckload of fighters with RPGs will go undetected.
23. Hold a sign, preferably bilingual, declaring a “Drone-Free Zone.”
24. Buy a Prius or Chevy Volt
25. Put a COEXIST bumper sticker on your car
26. Avoid racist code words like "budget" or "fiscal responsibility"........or "Lie"
27. Are you a Conservative Blogger? Maybe you shouldn't be....
28. If you are a world famous rapper or movie star, remember drone strikes never hit the Obama's campaign bus
29. Minorities....it's better to have a victim mentality, than to be a drone strike victim.
30. If you are Caucasian.....going tanning will ensure that Obama won't target you for drone attacks.
31. If all else fails....contribute to Obama's campaign.

[ArGee]

I iz here.

Where iz here?

Does it matter where here iz?

[ArGee]

I spent all day yesterday trying to get my computer reports to reconcile.

I now know why they measure computing power in hurts.

[mykroar]

Got one from my brother for Christmas. :o)

[ArGee]

Will any of those tips to avoid drones work to avoid the IRS next month???

Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseoh

[Arrowhead1952]

Apologies to all Catholics in advance.

---

Succession of the Pope

WASHINGTON, DC - Sources close to the White House have learned that Barack Obama is planning to run for the office of Pope when the College of Cardinals convenes to elect a successor to ailing Benedict XVI at the end of this month. Calling on the promise of Equality for All, Obama is said to firmly believe that the time has come for a non-Catholic to occupy the Vatican’s highest office.

Foreseeing a looming citizenship issue he states that he has discovered an Italian birth certificate that proves he was born in Rome before he was born in Kenya. “That Hawaiian birth certificate never has been worth what I paid for it anyway”, he noted.

Continuing, he concluded, “And there’s no way that a handful of cardinals could be more expensive to buy than 10 million voters in Michigan.”

[Arrowhead1952]

The Old Woman

She walked up and tied her old mule to the hitch rail. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, saying, “Hey old woman, have you ever danced?”

The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, “Well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet.

The old woman prospector - not wanting to get her toe blown off - started hopping around. Everybody was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever licked a mule’s ass?”

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No ma’am... But... I’ve always wanted to.”

There are a few lessons for us all here:

1 - Never be Arrogant.
2 - Don’t Waste Ammunition.
3 - Whiskey Makes You Think You’re Smarter Than You Are.
4 - Always, Always Make Sure You Know Who Has The Power.
5 - Don’t Mess With Old Women; They Didn’t Get Old By Being Stupid...

I JUST LOVE A STORY WITH A HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU?

[N. Theknow]

[N. Theknow]

[N. Theknow]

[sunny48]

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, ‘ ‘You had a good
Idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It
worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now. ‘ ‘

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, ‘ ‘And, you told me
adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to
church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n roll gospel
choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony. ‘ ‘

’ ‘Thank you, Father, ‘ ‘ answered the young priest. ‘ ‘I am pleased that you
are open to the new ideas of youth. ‘ ‘

’ ‘All of these ideas have been well and good, ‘ ‘ said the elderly priest,
‘ ‘but I ‘m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional. ‘ ‘

’ ‘But Father, ‘ ‘ protested the young priest, ‘ ‘confessions and donations have
nearly doubled since I began that! ‘
‘Yes,’ replied the elderly priest, ‘and I appreciate that”.

“But the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot’n Tell or Go to Hell’
Cannot stay on the church roof!”

[CatherineofAragon]

LMAO!

[N. Theknow]

[JRios1968]

[Old Sarge]

“On the Twelfth day of Blackout, the Freepers gave to me:

Twelve Freepers freeping,
Eleven trolls a-weeping,
Ten admins banning,
Nine Freepettes swooning,
Eight pimps a-spamming,
Seven posts a-locking,
Six mods a-blocking...

FIIIIVE GOLD-EN THREADS...

Four classic posts,
Three stuned beebers,
Two nuked accounts...

and a hamster runs the server faaaaarm!”

[sunny48]

[BenLurkin]

[sunny48]

[sunny48]

[sunny48]

[Old Sarge]

SWIPED!