Posted on 02/22/2013 5:33:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.
When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.
A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'
The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle or a shotgun.'
Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!
At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida, Hillary Clinton asked the kids in the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence." A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Little Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet. "Well, stop clappin, ya stupid b@#$%!
He knew spending meant power, so hour by hour, he thought up more spends from his Washington tower.
Ill spend without limits; Ill spend without blame! Raising taxes to paythats the name of the game.
Down the street, though, a House filled with thriftier folk had a budget to pass, or the countryd go broke. We cant spend all day; weve got bills to pay! Lets keep deficits and higher taxes away.
The Senate next door to the House just refused. We dont like your budget. Weve got some bad news: The President says we can spend all we want, and well simply raise taxes whenever we choose.
So they spent and they spent and they borrowed some more. And when all that was spent, they spent same as before.
But not everyone thought the spending was nice. In the House and the Senate, some spenders thought twice. Well cut down on spending. We have a bad feeling thenSMACK!right on schedule, they hit the debt ceiling.
Then the Presidents office, confronted with debt: If its cuts they want now, then its cuts they shall get. Well threaten such cuts that NO one would take, and show them that cuts are not smart to make.
This will make Congress move. Well just float out a tester broad, haphazard cuts that well call the sequester.
The Senate and even the House said, Okay! That will motivate us to find a good way. Well figure this out and stave off those cutsto allow them to happen, wed have to be nuts.
So the deadline was set, but the spending went on. A year and a half had soon come and gone. The House passed a budget; the Senate said no; the President very much enjoyed the show.
Spend higher! Spend faster! Grow the welfare rolls! Soon, love for the spending will show up in the polls. He even raised taxes, but it wasnt enoughthe levels of spending grew too fast to keep up.
Dont you mind the sequester, he told Capitol Hill. You said you would fix it, and Im sure you will.
But they could not agree on ways to cut spending, and before they knew it, the sequester was pending.
Oh no! they all cried. We cant let these cuts stand!
And the President said, WHO thought of this terrible plan?
They didnt remember his plan all along. He distracted them with his spending-cut song. Now he returned to save them from harm, and to keep them forgetting all but his charm.
So the President said with a glint in his eye, You tried to cut spending. I saw how you tried. But its just too painfulIm sure you can see. From the beginning, you should have listened to me.
Ill save you all from the spend-cutters axes. You see, the solution is just to raise taxes.
***
We dont know yet how this story will end. Will Congress raise taxes and continue to spend? We need a balanced budget with smarter cutsreforming entitlements will take guts.
Let the President know that were onto his plan. Share this story with as many people as you can.
Morning Bell: Obama and the Seuss-quester
So, who shot you anyway?
Here is another speed painter that you might like...
One of his paintings is hainging in one of my buildings.
The man who shot Liberty Valance.
Enjoyed That!!!
Yes it is amazing. Interesting technique.
Thanks!
:o])
Some 40 year old women ARE two twenty year olds..
A man has been lost in the desert for many days. He is long out of food and ran out of water a couple days ago.
There is no sign of shade nor civilization. On his last legs, he collapses.
A few crawls later, he notices that buzzards are circling. “This is it, I guess!”, he thinks as he starts to cry in frustration.
With what little strength he has left, he rolls over onto his back and shouts with all that he can muster - “WHY ME LORD??WHY ME?!!!!!”
And then, the buzzards stop circling for a moment and a loud, booming bass voice calls down from the Heavens - “Why you? Because Ralph, there is something about you that just pisses me off!!”
This time of the year, I always get a little excited for Spring and Summer when I see the start of baseball’s Spring training. Baseball. So many fond memories of sitting in the stands, watching the next hot prospect make his debut. The hope that this year is THE year. Or wait until next year! The boys of summer (aren’t we all, just a little?).
But since I retried. trips to the ball park have become fewer and fewer. It’s expensive for us pensioners!! None-the-less, I make at least one annual trip, even getting tickets in the nose-bleed section. For example, last summer I went to a game (seats way up in the 300 section).
My team was playing the Yankees and you could cut the air of anticipation with a knife for a home team win . In I came, headed to my 300 section seat up high , but right on the third base line! As I went to my seat, I paused to look over the ball park and the sp[lendor of a baseball stadium. But there, waaay down a few rows off the field I thought I saw a friend of mine named Steve. “That son of a gun!”, I thought to myself. “He must have come into some bucks to score those seats. Especially for the Yankees game!! I wonder how he got such choice seats???”. So I yelled out, “Hey Steve!”. There was no response. “Oh well, I’ll try later. I want to get settled and drink my beer before it gets warm....”
About the third inning, it was bugging me about Steve. He too had been retired for a few years and we both commiserated at McDonald’s every morning about how the government was taking more and more of our money. Why isn’t he sitting in the cheap seats??? So I stood up and yelled more loudly than before, “HEY Steve!!!”. The people around me were a little startled. . And annoyed. After all, our team was just batting. Game tied. Still, there was no response from the guy I thought was Steve.
The seventh inning stretch was coming up and I thought no one would be upset if I called out now (this was really bugging me by now) so I screamed “HEY STEVE!!!”. Still no response other than a bunch of dirty looks from my fellow moss backs.
The game was in the first half of the 9th inning. My team was ahead of the Yanks, two outs. I figured it was now or never so I yelled with all my might, “HEY STEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!”. This time, a guy in row 3, field level, stood up and yelled back at me, “I’M NOT STEVE!!”.
Reminds me .... When we repeated our vows "till death do you part..", I didn't know it was going to be a competition !!
I can't discuss it any further right now... It's my turn to pick up the shell casings.
Who are those creepy girls?
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
One day I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
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