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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 02/22/2013 5:33:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen
WATER BUMP
Something I received in email that offers a little perspective on ammo shortages -
This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way back I stopped at the gas station to get some gas, and this drop dead gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump.
She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in a trade of sex for ammo?"
I thought it over for a few seconds and responded......"well, just what kind of ammo you got to trade?"
Top 10 reasons to get a Gun over getting a Woman
#10 - YOU CAN TRADE AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22.
#9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.
#8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN, AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.
#7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.
#6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.
#5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.
#4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.
#3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
#2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.
And, the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman...
#1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN !!!
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.
When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.
A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'
The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle or a shotgun.'
Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!
At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida, Hillary Clinton asked the kids in the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence." A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Little Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet. "Well, stop clappin, ya stupid b@#$%!
How does a real man chest bump?
How does one look like a douche?
Don't forget about the Marine Sniper who was asked what he felt when he shot an enemy combatant.
The Marine sniper thought a second and replied "Recoil"
TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: banglist; bump; guns; ofst; silliness
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To: Lucky9teen
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
SO HERE'S A PANCAKE DJ
To: Arrowhead1952
An elderly man was sitting at the kitchen table one morning.
His wife walked in and said, "Why do you have that suppository in your ear?"
The old man pulled out the suppository, looked at it, and exclaimed, "So that's what I did with my hearing aid!"
22
posted on
02/22/2013 6:46:50 AM PST
by
stinkerpot65
(Global warming is a Marxist lie.)
To: Lucky9teen
WHO SAID YOLO?
To: Lucky9teen
*bump*
24
posted on
02/22/2013 7:00:45 AM PST
by
Liberty Valance
(Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
To: Liberty Valance
*bump*
25
posted on
02/22/2013 7:05:41 AM PST
by
Liberty Valance
(Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
To: Lucky9teen
FLUMP = Fist Bump meets High Five ...
26
posted on
02/22/2013 7:11:03 AM PST
by
Liberty Valance
(Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
To: Lucky9teen
27
posted on
02/22/2013 7:25:39 AM PST
by
Liberty Valance
(Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
To: Lucky9teen
#10 - YOU CAN TRADE AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22.Reminds me of a story from more than 25 years ago. My dad was speaking to our pastor about my mom turning 40. My dad said he was thinking of trading her in on two 20-year-olds. Without skipping a beat, our pastor said "You're not wired for 220."
28
posted on
02/22/2013 7:29:54 AM PST
by
IYAS9YAS
(Rose, there's a Messerschmitt in the kitchen. Clean it up, will ya?)
To: Lucky9teen
Here is something truly great..... neo roadrunner.
Brand new Wile E. Coyote
An honest to goodness, brand new Wile E. Coyote - Roadrunner cartoon made with today’s technology (but all of the old humor). Enjoy!! This is the first Roadrunner done with computer graphics. Lots can be done with computer graphics that will be far less expensive to complete than those old Disney style drawn animations. The computer graphics look good, and the video still has that Roadrunner fun. Only 3 minutes, but 3 minutes of fun! Be sure to go to “full screen” mode.
http://www.wimp.com/looneytoons/-——
29
posted on
02/22/2013 7:45:29 AM PST
by
bert
((K.E. N.P. N.C. +12 .....The fairest Deduction to be reduced is the Standard Deduction)
To: Arrowhead1952
Its just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Republicans brains a lot lower because theyre used. Ah, I thought it was going to go more in the supply-side direction.
30
posted on
02/22/2013 7:55:01 AM PST
by
Egon
(Apparently, Jimmy Carter DOES need a third term.)
To: Lucky9teen
31
posted on
02/22/2013 7:57:24 AM PST
by
ZirconEncrustedTweezers
(I'll stop being a cynic when the world stops giving me reasons to be cynical.)
To: Lucky9teen
TOP...something!
Who cares? I’m IN!! YAY!!!
32
posted on
02/22/2013 8:00:33 AM PST
by
Monkey Face
(There is no "Chocoholics Anonymous" because no one wants to quit. ~~ Shoe)
To: Lucky9teen
I had a business trip this week. When I checked in to the hotel, I asked the woman behind the counter if the porn channel was disabled. She said “No, it’s regular porn, you sick bastard!”
33
posted on
02/22/2013 8:10:30 AM PST
by
r-q-tek86
("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
To: IYAS9YAS
The late Igor said the same thing to me when I turned 40. My response? What makes you think you can handle 220 when you’re only wired for 110?
34
posted on
02/22/2013 8:13:59 AM PST
by
Monkey Face
(There is no "Chocoholics Anonymous" because no one wants to quit. ~~ Shoe)
To: Lucky9teen
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
.
.
.
.
.
The taste.
;o]
35
posted on
02/22/2013 8:18:09 AM PST
by
Monkey Face
(There is no "Chocoholics Anonymous" because no one wants to quit. ~~ Shoe)
To: Monkey Face
36
posted on
02/22/2013 8:36:44 AM PST
by
Lucky9teen
(Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
To: bert
37
posted on
02/22/2013 8:40:45 AM PST
by
freebird5850
(The only good thing about Barry getting re-elected is now we get to see him fall from a higher place)
To: Lucky9teen
38
posted on
02/22/2013 8:43:58 AM PST
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
To: Monkey Face
39
posted on
02/22/2013 8:46:04 AM PST
by
BenLurkin
(This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
To: Lucky9teen; GraceG; Zionist Conspirator
40
posted on
02/22/2013 8:46:11 AM PST
by
KC_Lion
(Build the America you want to live in at your address, and keep looking up.-Sarah Palin)
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