Winston Churchill loved them:
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
I’m gonna quit procrastinating; just you wait and see.
These are hilarious. Enjoy.
Bump for later! Lol!
Two from Uncle Tom McCahill, long ago:
1. A penny saved is a waste of time.
2. Honesty is the best policy—when there’s no other choice.
Thanks! Passed them on, by email of course.
Knowledge is knowing the definition of Paraprosdokians.
Wisdom is using them to make people laugh :)
The Paraprosdokian family own the local dry cleaners.
They are nice people.
The thing I’m proudest of is my humility.
The ladies at the Orthodox church make PARAPROSDOKIANS every year for Easter.
Hope springs eternal, every once in a while.
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll spend his days out on the lake guzzling beer.
Not this one again!
This word was made up by someone a few years ago. Why? Perhaps to see just how many people would be taken in. I guess he is enjoying his Internet fame.
A friend of mine offered me a job at an Information Booth...no questions asked!
Hey Laz ... get over here ...