Vanity: For My Dad, who has Alzheimer's

Sad heart | 11/10/12 | Self

[Yaelle]

I wrote this tonight and just need to share it. Maybe some of you have family members with this insidious disease too.

Hello; it's good to see you.
I don't remember why it's good to see you, but it is.
I know I like you, and my eyes crinkle in evident delight that you are here.
Immediately I want to rattle off something witty and topical, 
But I don't remember the words right.
So I look for something I can see, and relate it to you.
It's good to see you.
My smile is not like my smile of before.  It's full of undivided pleasure.
When you used to come, I'd have a frown right after my quick grin.
The market is down; my team lost; there's a plumbing problem; I've got so much to do.
I'd cut the visit short because I was so busy.
Now, for now, nothing impedes the pleasure I have at just meeting your eyes.
I know I like you.
Later my expression will seem pained.  It may be time for you to go.  
Stimulation makes me very tired after a while.
I still walk like I did, hale fellow well met.
I know I used to feel important.  I still do.
I don't remember why.
I don't remember that I used to juggle so many balls in the air;
I ran a business, took jobs on the side, volunteered, and traveled the world.
Numbers and bills and stocks and payrolls flew in and out of my head all day, 
Things it now takes six people a lot of time to do instead.
I used to read trade papers, journals, novels, biographies.
Now I read each piece of mail with equal interest, 
Even if it has an envelope that reads, "You may already be a winner."
I love to see my family.  I ask questions of my older grandchildren 
But they aren't the curious questions I used to ask.
Still, I try to ask a question, even if I don't get the words right.
I want to still tell them I love them
But I can't.
I want them to grow up like me, putting the most important things first.
It didn't always work with their parents but I hope it skips a generation.
But I can't get it right so I just smile at them and try to ask them if they are happy.
I still crouch down and play with my little grandchildren.
Nothing has changed!  We connect in a special way
And that is all we need.  We laugh.  We play.  We roll a ball together.
I hope they remember playing with me.
I am so glad you came.
I long to share with you something I thought about recently.
I can't.  
I love getting your opinions.  I just don't remember on what.
But it's good to see you.
I know I'll be smiling big when I see you next time.

[goat granny]

Having worked in a hospital for 10 years I have seen and cared for many with this horrible disease...Some patients are happy even though they don’t remember you...these are the lucky ones....some are so far out of it, its really much sadder....I have told my kids they don’t have to visit me if I get alz. cause I won’t know them anyway......

[Vermont Lt]

Only someone with this “experience” would appreciate this conversation I had with my wife one day.

I had visited our two uncles in the nursing home. On the way home I stopped at the family homestead to check on the aunt and uncle there.

I called my wife on the way home,

My wife: How were they?
Me: Well Auntie was not wearing pants, but she was wearing a shower cap, so all in all she was fine.
My wife: Ok, thats great. Talk to you later.

After I realized what we had just said, I had to pull the car over to laugh at the absurdity of it.

[MetaThought]

I’m not really sure what XPS is, I know there’s an XP, XPC and YP...

I got mine from ebay, but my dad lives in India, so he got his stuff direct from the distributor. He would put it into his morning cereal or coffee. I can swallow stuff, so I just put it in my mouth and wash it down with water.

I think it took him a couple months to notice an improvement. YMMV of course, but it’s worth a shot.

[Gay State Conservative]

I've had so much joy in my life. But this part isn't so great.

A very moving tribute.Having had a Dad who has a disease very similar to Alzheimer's I think I understand your sadness.My Dad,like yours (no doubt) was a very,very good man whose memory deterioration was sad beyond belief.

[lyby]

My husband says, “Maybe she was feeling a little frisky and her husband thought he was gonna get lucky.”

We DO have to laugh!

Thank you for sharing - and no disrespect intended at all with our comment. Just looking for comfort in what we do have, our memories and all...

[onyx]

Dearest sweet you, ((((Yaelle)))) You honor your cherished Dad with sentiment like no other! You’ve told us he’s a wonderful, loving father and simultaneously he raised a wonderful, loving daughter.

Remember the old adage that says “live life for the moment?” You will have many wonderful moments with him, when he will be cognizant. There’s so much we don’t know about our loved ones with his disease and loved ones in comas. I personally believe that they understand more than we think, and I’m sure they understand love.

God bless you and your loving family. Your Dad and your family have my prayers.

[Salvation]

Prayers for your father, for you and for your entire family. My dad is 99 and just went on hospice. Not what I would have wanted, but he’s his own person.

God bless you.

[Salvation]

 

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Please address your prayers to Yaelle;

[mimaw]

You and your dad are in my prayers.

[RedMDer]

I am so sorry that you all are going through this and you most certainly have my prayers.
My Dad went through the same. I also think that some of the things that he may see that others can not may be real but we can’t see them yet. If that makes any sense. He also saw and had conversations with long passed family.
My Dad thought for a while that I was his doctor and not his son. Not even close. I’m a software guy and will always be his son. In the end he told me the same that Mom did. I was their favorite and never thought that was even remotely the case. God Bless you, your Dad and all of your family and loved ones.

[potlatch]

God bless you Yaelle.
Yes, I’ve been through that too.

[Eagles6]

Beautiful.

Prayers that you always remember the good times.

[johngrace]

Doing a Divine Mercy.

[johngrace]

Doing a Divine Mercy.

[usconservative]

My father passed away from Alzheimers on July 3rd, 2010. My heart goes out to you. It’s horrible watching that disease take someone. What a cruel disease.

[Library Lady]

Thanks. I may be mistaking it for XPC. I had asked the local farm supply to get it for me several years ago, but they had to buy an entire pallet when they ordered. I bought XP instead, and my husband and I took it. I was working with the public at the time, and I believe it kept me from getting colds and flues. I just ordered 3 lbs. of XPC. Thank you for the information and for reminding us of this product.

[ex-snook]

Prayers for God’s blessings.

[techcor]

Bump for later.

[Yaelle]

I am so sorry.

I agree. Crueler than Parkinson’s or cancer. I’d rather lose control of my body than my mind.

[Yaelle]

Sometimes it’s better to laugh than to cry.