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The Best and Funniest Country (esp. the South and Mid-West) Expressions [Vanity]
Pharmboy | 9-21-12 | Everyone

Posted on 09/21/2012 1:58:04 PM PDT by Pharmboy

I have always enjoyed hearing those funny and clever expressions handed down from grandmas and grandpas in the heartland. I grew up in the east, but went to school in the mid-west, and some of the guys I went to school with had some great ones.

I would love to hear some of yours.

I will start with a few that I heard years ago, and ask you folks to add your own favorites that you heard from friends and family.

My dad (NYC):

"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger."

From a buddy from Indiana:

"Well, he stands out like two turds in a pan of milk."

"She's crazier than a half-f***ed fox during the heat season."

From a guy from Georgia who lived down the hall [said about a woman who was not particularly attractive]:

She sure ain't nobody's pretty chile."

A woman from Maryland as she goes to answer the telelphone:

"What kind of fresh hell is this?"

Now you go...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: heartland; sayings
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Refering to an attractive woman;

“Finer than snake hair.”


161 posted on 09/21/2012 4:54:04 PM PDT by Sparky21555
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To: 19th LA Inf
"I bet she could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch"

Of one with large lips: You don't get lips like that sucking on door knobs

162 posted on 09/21/2012 4:56:28 PM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: yarddog
it was a 60 year old Jesup lady (a classic southern one to boot) who gave me the pronunciation lesson. Wayne county inbreeding, I guess.
163 posted on 09/21/2012 5:00:20 PM PDT by llevrok (By comparison to Obama, at least Nero could play a fiddle.)
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To: Pharmboy

Tighter than bark on a tree. (Stingy)


164 posted on 09/21/2012 5:08:26 PM PDT by Polyxene (Out of the depths I have cried to Thee, O Lord; Lord, hear my voice.)
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To: llevrok

When you said inbreeding I had to smile a bit.

I am not going to say what her name is but it is not a common one. That is not common unless you live in SE Georgia.


165 posted on 09/21/2012 5:13:00 PM PDT by yarddog
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To: Pharmboy
From my dad (Alabama): If I was in a better mood (happier, whatever)... I'd be twins. Also, sometimes varied to If I was happier, you'd have to tie my leg to a chair to keep me from floating away.

From my grandmother (W-Central PA): Offen the light. (turn off the light)

From my husband & his Kentucky relatives: I'm fixin' to... meaning I'm getting ready to... And among the males, she's hotter than a brick sh--house with a drop ceiling.

166 posted on 09/21/2012 5:23:18 PM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: Pharmboy

from my husband (Central IL) I’m as happy as a gopher in soft dirt


167 posted on 09/21/2012 5:26:21 PM PDT by morans14
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Comment #168 Removed by Moderator

To: Pharmboy

Another good one from Dad when he’d call us out on whatever:

“If bullsh-t were music you’d be a brass band”


169 posted on 09/21/2012 5:29:36 PM PDT by gopwhit
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To: Pharmboy
From my husband's family in southern Illinois:
She's so ugly she'd make a train take a dirt road.
From my husband's grandmother:
I've heard bugs fart before. (I don't believe you.)
I'm not talking just to hear my gums bump. (Pay attention to what I'm saying.)
From my Dad who grew up in NW Ohio:
Take the Toledo way around. (Go out of your way to get somewhere.)
170 posted on 09/21/2012 5:30:08 PM PDT by stayathomemom (Beware of kittens modifying your posts.)
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To: Pharmboy

“Soup cooling lips” (big lips)
Your girl friend eats like a beagle. (gobbles)
Quicker than a pit bull on a pre-schooler.


171 posted on 09/21/2012 5:32:48 PM PDT by bunnie911
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To: KittenClaws

>> Angry enough to spit nails

my dad would always say “angry enough to chew wire and spit nails”


172 posted on 09/21/2012 5:48:57 PM PDT by class8601_nuke (don't just be critical, be prompt critical.)
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To: Pharmboy

Smells bad enough to knock a buzzard off a sh*twagon.


173 posted on 09/21/2012 5:51:17 PM PDT by mrs. a (It's a short life but a merry one...)
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To: Pharmboy

that face could stop a 8 day clock

make a train take a dirt road

crazer than a sh1t house loon.


174 posted on 09/21/2012 5:52:46 PM PDT by ColdOne (I miss my poochie... Tasha 2000~3/14/11 0bie don' t eatl my dog!)
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To: Pharmboy

He’s crookeder than a dog’s hind leg.


175 posted on 09/21/2012 5:53:28 PM PDT by rightly_dividing
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To: rightly_dividing

“He was so crooked they had to screw him into the ground when he died” (heard that one regarding a late great uncle who owned a car dealership, didn’t know he was poorly regarded and it shocked me).


176 posted on 09/21/2012 5:57:01 PM PDT by RegulatorCountry
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To: KittenClaws

She could eat popcorn from a Coke bottle.


177 posted on 09/21/2012 6:02:06 PM PDT by rightly_dividing
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To: Pharmboy; All

I’ve only been through the first 50 posts and laughed harder than I have in many months.

Can’t wait to read the rest!

Yeah, it’s a slow Friday night...

kg/nancy


178 posted on 09/21/2012 6:11:56 PM PDT by krunkygirl (force multiplier in effect...)
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To: CrazyIvan

“A crick is a creek narrow enought to step over.”

In England that would still be a River.

bump for later


179 posted on 09/21/2012 6:16:52 PM PDT by PLMerite (Shut the Beyotch Down! Burn, baby, burn!)
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To: mrs. a

I am loving this thread!

Speaking of sh-twagons, my Dad had this lovely:

“Crazier than a sh-thouse rat”


180 posted on 09/21/2012 6:16:56 PM PDT by gopwhit
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