Posted on 09/21/2012 5:37:20 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Politically Incorrect Test
To ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80 year old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85 year old congressmen with metal hips and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors. Let's pause a moment and take the following test.
1. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics athletes were kidnapped & massacred by:
(a) Olga Corbut
(b) Sitting Bull
(c) Arnold Schwartzeneger
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 402. In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Lost Norwegians
(b) Elvis
(c) A tour bus full of 80 year old women
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 403. During the 1990s, a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
(a) John Dillinger
(b) The King of Sweden
(c) The Boy Scouts
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
4. In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A Pizza delivery boy
(b) Pee Wee Herman
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
5. In 1985, the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by:
(a) The Smurfs
(b) Davy Jones
(c) The Little Mermaid
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 406. In 1985, TWA flight 847 was hijacked in Athens and a U.S. Navy diver was murdered by
(a) Captain Kidd
(b) Charles Lindburgh
(c) Mother Teresa
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 407. In 1988, Pan Am flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Scooby Doo
(b) The Tooth Fairy
(c) Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train job
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.8. In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed by:
(a) Richard Simmons
(b) Grandma Moses
(c) Michael Jordan
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 409. In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
(c) The WWF to promote its next villain: Mustapha the Merciless
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
10. On 9/11/01, 4 airliners were hijacked & destroyed & thousands of people were killed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck & Elmer Fudd
(b) The Supreme Court of Florida
(c) Mr. Bean
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
11. In 2002 the Unites States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
(a) Enron
(b) The Lutheran Church
(c) The NFL
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 4012. 1n 2002, reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
(a) Bonny and Clyde
(b) Captain kangaroo
(c) Billy Graham
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40Hmmmm. . . . nope, no patterns anywhere to justify profiling that I can see.
Handy Phrases For Traveling in the Middle EasttA few handy phrases translated to English -- in case you're ever kidnapped by terrorists.
AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN.= Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.
FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT RAEH GUSH DIVAR.= I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
SHOMAEH FIKR TAMOMEH GEH GOFTEK BANDE.= I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
AUTO ARRAREGH DVATEMAN MAMO SEPAHEH-HAST.= It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMA RAJEBEH KESHAVAREHMAN.= If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.
KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRKAHEY.= I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.
BALLI, BALLI, BALLI!= Whatever you say!
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GORBAN.= The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.
TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE GOYAST INO BERGERAM.= The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.
BA BODENEH SHEERELL TEEGZ.= Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than to spend a fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Tiegs.
FReegards from a FReeper who's waiting for cataract surgery....sigh.
After the Northridge Earthquake, self and thousands of others who lived on the "wrong side of the collapsed Newhall Pass overpass" literally had to leave home at 3:30 am to get to work by 8 -- for months....then we'd get to do it all over again at 5pm on the flipside.
Needless to say, there were stretches where you'd expect hours of merging delays, and periodically some bunghole would attempt 'line cutting'.
I (and hundreds of others, I'm sure) learned the 'swerve technique' that would do just what's in that clip to the perp.
Their roundtrip hike took 'em a good half hour,and there's been zero movement during their absence.
(My boss was a stubborn old fart who refused to believe any of this sh*t since he lived three blocks from the office.....I damn near told him to shove the job up his ass)
“But, as I said, it’s a fun story.”
And not even remotely true:
1/2 m v2
Mass is Mass, Speed is Speed.
POST OF THE DAY!!!!
You have brilliantly described what most of us are pondering.
OMGoodness! Is that real? No one would shake zer0’s hand? And by the end of the line, he was pretending to present Medvedev(?) to the men?
He’s obviously more angered than humiliated, for he has no good graces. What a embarrassing pig.
bmfl
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