Posted on 08/25/2012 8:21:45 PM PDT by ARCADIA
I haven't posted in a while; but I respect FREEPER opinion.
I hope someone can help with this. It's a slightly different take on the bad boss thing.
My boss really does not like me; he's pretty bad in a roundabout way. A rather benign example - I will ask for something that would require the department spending money on me, he'll say no, I say okay, I am disappointed. Of course, there was an earlier conversation on how we need to invest in so-and-so.
At no point does he come out and say it -- it's always implied. This is just one example among so many -- it can just be described briefly. There are many other incidents, some of them very cruel, involving other team members smearing me or isolating me.
I tried fixing the relationship - but all conversations end up badly. He takes offense at the slightest thing, and he's not above telling me I just said something I didn't say to justify his latest hissy fit.
The problem is not that I don't realize what's going on; I do. The problem is that I am almost paralyzed by all this. The quality of my work is deteriorating, my concentration is shot and I can't even begin to look for another job.
What has worked for you in situations like this? How did you get strong enough to take effective action?
(I am in my mid-50s with a good job, BTW.)
(Yes, I have posted in another board - guess I am crowdsourcing here.)
If this is against the rules, Mod please delete thread.
Thanks for your prayers.
Thanks wita - it’s a tough reply, but a realistic one.
Thanks - another tough reply, tell it like is reply from a Freeper. I don’t post here very much anymore - used to be more interested back during the Clinton/Bush years.
But, I can always count on realism from you all.
That’s an awful long list, combat_boots. Right now I can barely make through the day - I am paralyzed.
But, I may have a cause of action.
Which I had that higher power thing; but I don’t - I tend to obsess and become very anxious.
I know I am being bullied - a little pushing back might be something to experiment with. But, this guy gets worse when confronted.
This is very good advice. I actually did this inadvertenly; I got a fancy pen for my birthday and was using it during all these meetings where he, in addition to the business of the day, was making all sorts of digs and snide remarks at me.
He got nervous and had one of his flying monkeys peek over my shoulder and see what I was doing and later they commented that it was just notes and diagrams of the discussions.
LOL.
Thanks for success story — good luck to you for creating a great place to work
I am 54 years old. I know this is a huge issue.
Document everything that happens when it happens. E-mail it to a special e-mail account so everything is time and date stamped.
Be sure to print out any e-mails from him to you and from you to him and take them home. Keep a file.
When you have five or six incidents contact HR, please note HR is not on your side, you are just setting up your case. Do not let them know about the account. Do not let them know about your file. Never ever give them your only copy of anything. Never give them an original.
Contact HR twice after that if the situation does not improve inside a week or gets worse.
Move up the ladder. If you have an employee help line use that. If not go to up to the next level.
They will know what you are doing. This is not a bad thing. This allows you to apply pressure without appearing to apply pressure.
During this time try to avoid talking to your boss face to face. Use E-mail or voice mail. Do not talk to your boss alone.
Be polite. Be polite until your teeth ache. Do not try to be friendly. Do not try to mend fences. Do NOT apologize. Just be polite.
This will not fix the situation but it might keep you from getting fired.
That is the most dangerous age.
If they can't make you miserable enough to leave or find cause to fire you before you turn 55, all the federal protections kick in.
It sounds like they fear those protections.
I wonder why? </rhetorical question>
Thank you Monica - it took a lot of courage to do what you did.
My boss, too, is lying wretch. What started this whole mess, was an incident when he got drunk during a business trip - started drinking at 5:30 PM and by 11 PM just turned on me. (We were at a restaurant and I know, I wish I had just left, but he’s very controlling about people attending dinners and stuff.) A very mean drunk. I started crying.
I didn’t say anything because I felt that if I pretended nothing happened - maybe it would be forgotten. But, NO! His entire attitude toward me changed and he has not stopped for 8 months. I really tried talking to him, giving him face saving ways out, but he always maintained a front of unremitting hostility.
During this time, he started criticizing me to the other team members. And, they are afraid of him, but also - this weird group dynamic started where I became the target.
It’s been very demoralizing.
Great attitude - yes, I turned in goals; but every time I achieve something meaningful he literally has meltdown, shrieks over the phone and everything.
Love your poem on your home page.
Thank you for your wonderful encouragement, Brother. :)
HTB in post 71 has an important idea; make sure you have off-site hard copies of everything.
Very happy for you, God bless you!
And, it has the advantage of not being open for charges of a bad attitude.
Your experience is inspirational (especially the part about praying for your boss). Thank you for sharing it.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.