buy a pocket pen voice recorder and record conversations with him to CYA if needed
Posted on 08/25/2012 8:21:45 PM PDT by ARCADIA
I haven't posted in a while; but I respect FREEPER opinion.
I hope someone can help with this. It's a slightly different take on the bad boss thing.
My boss really does not like me; he's pretty bad in a roundabout way. A rather benign example - I will ask for something that would require the department spending money on me, he'll say no, I say okay, I am disappointed. Of course, there was an earlier conversation on how we need to invest in so-and-so.
At no point does he come out and say it -- it's always implied. This is just one example among so many -- it can just be described briefly. There are many other incidents, some of them very cruel, involving other team members smearing me or isolating me.
I tried fixing the relationship - but all conversations end up badly. He takes offense at the slightest thing, and he's not above telling me I just said something I didn't say to justify his latest hissy fit.
The problem is not that I don't realize what's going on; I do. The problem is that I am almost paralyzed by all this. The quality of my work is deteriorating, my concentration is shot and I can't even begin to look for another job.
What has worked for you in situations like this? How did you get strong enough to take effective action?
(I am in my mid-50s with a good job, BTW.)
(Yes, I have posted in another board - guess I am crowdsourcing here.)
If this is against the rules, Mod please delete thread.
I have been in situations like that and it has never improved. I had to move each time and the last 15 years have been almost perfect.
What do you do?
Had many bad bosses in my day, even more than one at a time.
Different points on the ladder of command.
My solution since I had a good job and didn’t need or want to quit, was to figure that at various times in my life, it was time to enjoy being paid well to eat S#it. No it doesn’t taste good, but it can do wonders for your attitude if you can stomach what is being dished up.
Tried my best to make myself indispensable, which in any job is maybe a tough act, but I survived and now I’m my own boss, and I’m not perfect either.
You can’t do much. You can either:
1. Stick it out until offered a severance package
2. Stick it out until fired and collect unemployment
3. Quit a live off of savings
4. Plan another career and take steps now to make that happen while you’re still employed.
5. Start calling your network contacts and get another job in the same field
6. Start contacting folks in other units/divisions in your company asking them if they have open positions
Get a copy of your boss’ resume and send it to every headhunter you can find...
Keep a log.
Document everything
Document your successes and failures
Document his actions and words.
Document conversations that appear to come from others.
Keep yourself busy.
Get a lawyer.
Sue for creating a hostile workplace.
You need a pattern, though, so make sure you have the documentation.
And start looking quietly, or bring your headphones and work like there’s no tomorrow.
It is always calming for me to pray and meditate every morning before work, ask for courage, industry and right action, and leave the outcome in God’s hands while I just do my best. Ask God to take care of the troublesome boss. Things will change and everything will be all right for you no matter what happens.
If you go the legal route, it doesn’t hurt that the threshold for age discrimination is 55...
I mean really, can it get worse without being fired?
buy a pocket pen voice recorder and record conversations with him to CYA if needed
I went to a seminar in the early 90’s where the presenter made a hell of a point. He said you are (fill in your name) incorporated. You hire out your services for compensation. When you start thinking this way, your situation will look different. If you are already there, then disregard this.
I left a job with a multinational company where I was essentially a guinea pig in an experiment to see just how much garbage I could take. I took a different job with a very small company with no safety net, but have thrived.
Now I am the president of this company and treat my 8 other partners as if they were family. We are all interconnected as in we all eat or we all starve. Very different working environment.
Best of luck to you and hope it works out.
I’m an old guy also. Just past 55 this summer.
I am a proposal manager
That made me laugh
OK, I can’t speak from experience there, but it is virtually impossible for a 55+ engineer to get a job in today’s market.
Your best option if you can’t outplace your boss is probably your own business.
Perhaps you could work for the companies that make the proposals? Your experience evaluating incoming proposals could greatly enhance their success rate.
Good. Now go do it.
No point in letting him drive you out, make him get a new job.
You'll both be happier.
And who knows? You just might replace him!
I like your idea. LOL
I would start taking courses and go after *his* job.
I’ve been there and it didn’t get better; got worse. What got me through the day-to-day while job-hunting on the side was praying for this boss (a miserable, lying wretch who could put on a good “pleasant guy” cover as needed, but a total slime under the rice paper-thin cover). What got me “let go,” with severance, and brought me to 4 months unemployment; 6 months of a contract position, and then to my current job (which is so awesome!) was telling the truth. After a lot of prayer and 100% trust in God, I blew the whistle with six months worth of documentation of my bosses’ theft activities (recorded and verified on my own time). The board of directors listened to me and also listened to whatever smears the boss dreamt up (on company time, of course; he spent three days writing and I’d never seen him work so hard in the whole 4.5 years), and then offered me two options - either stay and have a hearing of sorts with the board ultimately deciding the outcome, or immediate termination with a big fat severance and agreement to not discuss what went on. I took the later, having no interest in giving audience to whatever the boss was saying and I was in total peace because I had nothing to hide and the truth was on my side. I proceeded to discuss exactly why I left in every single job interview after that and God connected me with the best job ever that I love and am so grateful for. I work with honest, hardworking people and have bosses that I respect, admire and enjoy getting to work for.
My main point is that I stayed in the truth, trusted God, and had wonderful friends in my life who listened to my frustrations and disgust about what I observed this boss doing and the way he shamelessly lied all the time. Praying for that boss every morning before work is the only way I got through it without melting down crying or opening up a can of outrage at that guy; a lot of mornings (and Sunday nights) I would cry just dreading going back to that office because it was so offensive to be around that guy.
I will keep you in prayer. One day this will be just another memory for you and I trust God has a better place for you to be of service and earn an income. In fact, congratulations in advance on your new job!
In FRiendship,
Been there.
I eventually got to the point where the Sunday night dread migrated to FRIDAY night.
Definitely stayed there too long!
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