Where do you get your recruits?
The Suicide Hotline!
Posted on 08/14/2012 9:38:21 AM PDT by Beave Meister
Apparently low on bombers, al-Qaeda is running a (short-term) employment advertisement on its Shumukh al-Islam Internet forum. Under the heading “Area of activity: The planet Earth,” the ad seeks jihadists to carry out suicide attacks.
Applicants must be Muslim, mentally mature, dedicated, able to listen, and utterly committed to completing their mission, the Hebrew daily Yedioth Ahronoth reported on Tuesday.
Several email addresses are provided for applicants. While their real names are not required, candidates are asked to send details of their nickname or handle, their age, marital status, languages spoken and a list of passports in their possession.
The ad on the forum, which is accessible only to al-Qaeda members, specifies the targets of the terror attacks that applicants will be expected to carry out, including “People who fight Islam and Muslims” and enemy “financial, military and media targets.”
(Excerpt) Read more at timesofisrael.com ...
Where do you get your recruits?
The Suicide Hotline!
Well, OK, but I’d like to see some details of the pension plan ...
"Suicide Squad....ATTACK!"
They promise you 72 virgins. Your results may vary.
Do they have an apprentice program? And how do you get to be a journeyman?
I’m kinda busy right now but I could take the job on in a part-time status if that’d be OK.
“Shumuchk”?
You can’t make this stuff up...the jokes just write themselves.
“What are the benefits and do they have to join the union?”
One day on and eternity off. Great retirement package.
Benefits: 72 virgins to boink forever, as well as boys like pearls (”not that there’s anything wrong with that”), and two-foot-long schlong provided to enjoy them with. Shade and springs and lots of booze, and an all-you-can-eat buffet. Pita never gets soggy. Movin’ On Up song from Jeffersons plays on PA (haha) system continually, except when Man Who Shot Liberty Valance theme song plays. Family provided for by private donors’ grants. Monopoly and Parcheezie games never end. Hookahs never run out of smoke. Islamic sitcoms on 24/7. What’s not to like?/s
Toss in free WiFi and I’m there! : )
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