Crack team of Chinese officers rush to rescue sex doll from river

Shandong - Police in Shandong China received a call reporting that a body was floating in one of the province's rivers on July 11. The Shandong police dispatched a team of their finest officers to recover the body that turned out to be an inflatable sex doll.

According to RocketNews24.com, the Chinese language news site Sohu, reports that the team of 18 officers worked frantically for nearly an hour to rescue what looked like a lady in distress. News about the heroic rescue attempt spread and a crowd of about 1,000 curious, excited and anxious spectators gathered at the scene. The crowd blocked traffic and prevented firefighters and rescue officials from reaching the scene.

The officers worked for more than 40 minutes before they were able to recover the body. But when they brought the "body" ashore they realized it was only an inflatable sex doll.

According to Sohu, while the body floated about 40-50 meters from the river bank, it was difficult to distinguish it from a real human body and not until the officers had brought it ashore did they confirm it wasn't a real human body.

After the exasperated officers realized it was only a sex doll they had risked their lives to rescue, they displayed it to the curious crowd that gathered. When the crowd realized it was only a sex doll, they dispersed. Embarrassed mothers covered their children's faces and hurried them away from the scene before they could ask awkward questions.

Sally - The Police

I was blue and lonely, I couldn’t sleep a wink
And I could only get unconscious if I’d had to much to drink.
There was somehow, something wrong somewhere, and each day seemed grey and dead
The seeds of desperation were growing in my head.

I needed inspiration, a brand new start in life,
Somewhere to place affection, but I didn’t want a wife.
And then by lucky chance I saw [in] a special magazine
An ad. that was unusual, the like I’d never seen,
“Experience something different with our new imported toy,
She’s loving, warm, inflatible and a guarantee of joy.”
She came all wrapped in cardboard, all pink and shrivelled down
A breath of air was all she needed to make her lose that frown.

I took her to the bedroom and pumped her with some life,
And later in a moment that girl became my wife.
And so I sit her in the corner and sometimes stroke her hair
And when I’m feeling naughty I blow her up with air
She’s cuddly and she’s bouncy, she’s like a rubber ball,
I bounce her in the kitchen and I bounce her in the hall.

And now my life is different since Sally came my way
I wake up in the morning and have her on a tray
She’s everything they say she was and I wear a permanent grin,
And I only have to worry in case my girl wears pins.

Her name was Lily.

Lilly?!!! She told ME her name was SALLY!

The Police - Be My Girl Sally

Would you be my girl?
Would you be my girl?
Would you be my, be my, be my girl?

I was blue and lonely, I couldn't sleep a wink
And I could only get unconscious if I'd had to much to drink
There was somehow, something wrong somewhere
And each day seemed grey and dead
The seeds of desperation were growing in my head

I needed inspiration, a brand new start in life
Somewhere to place affection, but I didn't want a wife
And then by lucky chance I saw in a special magazine
An ad that was unusual, the like I'd never seen

“Experience something different with our new imported toy
She's loving, warm, inflatable and a guarantee of joy”
She came all wrapped in cardboard, all pink and shriveled down
A breath of air was all she needed to make her lose that frown

I took her to the bedroom and pumped her with some life
And later in a moment that girl became my wife
And so I sit her in the corner and sometimes stroke her hair
And when I'm feeling naughty I blow her up with air

She's cuddly and she's bouncy, she's like a rubber ball
I bounce her in the kitchen and I bounce her in the hall
And now my life is different since Sally came my way
I wake up in the morning and have her on a tray

She's everything they say she was
And I wear a permanent grin
And I only have to worry
In case my girl wears pins

Would you be my girl?
Would you be my girl?
Would you be my, be my, be my girl?

As a product of classic Anglican schooling I love how Sting’s lyrics, verse, and delivery are often so delightfully reminiscent of classic pieces and themes in the British schoolboy’s canon. For instance, the astonishing SYNCHRONICITY II

“Daddy only stares into the distance
There’s only so much heartache he can take
Many miles away
Something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark Scottish lake...”

is clearly inspired by W B Yeats’ The Second Coming...

“The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.

The darkness drops again but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?”

Or in this case, The Police’s SALLY smells just like Robert Browning’s PORPHYRIA’S LOVER, with a hint of latex.

Porphyria’s Lover

THE rain set early in to-night,
The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm-tops down for spite,
And did its worst to vex the lake:
I listen’d with heart fit to break. 5
When glided in Porphyria; straight
She shut the cold out and the storm,
And kneel’d and made the cheerless grate
Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
Which done, she rose, and from her form 10
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
And laid her soil’d gloves by, untied
Her hat and let the damp hair fall,
And, last, she sat down by my side
And call’d me. When no voice replied, 15
She put my arm about her waist,
And made her smooth white shoulder bare,
And all her yellow hair displaced,
And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,
And spread, o’er all, her yellow hair, 20
Murmuring how she loved me—she
Too weak, for all her heart’s endeavour,
To set its struggling passion free
From pride, and vainer ties dissever,
And give herself to me for ever. 25
But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could to-night’s gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, and all in vain:
So, she was come through wind and rain. 30
Be sure I look’d up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last I knew
Porphyria worshipp’d me; surprise
Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While I debated what to do. 35
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around, 40
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laugh’d the blue eyes without a stain. 45
And I untighten’d next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blush’d bright beneath my burning kiss:
I propp’d her head up as before,
Only, this time my shoulder bore 50
Her head, which droops upon it still:
The smiling rosy little head,
So glad it has its utmost will,
That all it scorn’d at once is fled,
And I, its love, am gain’d instead! 55
Porphyria’s love: she guess’d not how
Her darling one wish would be heard.
And thus we sit together now,
And all night long we have not stirr’d,
And yet God has not said a word! 60

Trust the CHICOM to come up with this news slant. They are on a slippery slope, those fellows. Imagine, wading into that gook with their spiffy CHICOM cop suits. I imagine gook flowed in through every chink. Thank goodness the worthy oriental gentlemen seem to have some sort of penchant for laundry.

Look on the bright side, the sex doll was probably made in Taiwan. This type of expedient could be the answer to the demographic crisis in CHICOMland. Aggressive Central "Family Planning" has resulted in a shortage of women for the younger worthy oriental gentlemen to marry

In other news, it is now obvious that the CHICOM want to wipe out obese American children with unsafe Huffy bikes as sold at Wal-Mart. Production is way up since the Central Planning Board came up with a new incentive: Build 5 Huffys and you can get taken off the organ donor volunteer list!

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