A couple of weeks ago, I was in the nearby Lowes.
A young man approached me “Excuse me sir, can I have a moment of your time? I’m selling subscriptions to magazines so that I may win a college scholarship...”
“Uh, dude? I’m SURE you’re not supposed to be soliciting in here.”
“Sir, my boss told me to just switch between here and the IKEA.”
“Boss???”
How many people subscribe to having paper magazines delivered to their houses by the Postal Service anyway? I’d rather they offer to recondition my buggy whips.
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Kinda takes “high pressure sales tactics” to the extreme, doesn’t it?
I came close to this just a few weeks ago. Perhaps this is unfair, since the man was never physically threatening, but he did show anger. He rang the doorbell, and when I answered he introduced himself and said he was an ex-convict seeking to improve his life, and showed me ID from the state of Tennesee. He had a folder with some kind of cloth cover, which had been folded into squares. There was a signature sheet, asking you to evaluate his politeness etc. I asked to look at it and leafing ahead, I saw this was all lead-in to the magazine pitch, since he would not get “full credit” for the evaluation unless I bought magazines. Meanwhile, he was asking me if I would be willing to help “someone like him”, and I said “sure” ( “willing”, N.B. ) Of course, when I preemptively told him I wasn’t going to buy any magazines under any circumstances, he accused me of lying; using that word, as I recall. It was very much like an affirmative action meeting from the ‘80’s. I noted that the last signature was from Strongsville, Ohio, and he said that’s where he was last. It’s about 350 miles east of the Chicago area where I live. I found the whole thing rather disturbing, needless to say.
I have heard of the Ben Franklin close, would this be the Chuck Norris close?
I suppose in retrospect he wishes he’d have just taken Sports Illustrated for a year...
“By the time police arrived at the 300 block of 17th Avenue North, the two assailants were restrained and the homeowner suffered only minor injuries.”
It sounds to me like St. Cloud Man Beat Up Two Traveling Salesmen....
Hard to get repeat business that way.
I'm going out on a limb here -- the two assailants might be magazine salesmen, but they might also be black. If so, it begs the question: did they resort to violence because they are magazine salesmen, or did they resort to violence because they are black?
Of course, if they aren't black, then I'm just jumping to conclusions. But the odds are in my favor here.
Buy or die!