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Posted on 02/04/2012 4:42:50 PM PST by bkopto
HUNTINGTON, W.Va. - A college student claims he was injured when a fraternity member in a "drunken stupor" decided "that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his a***," and did so, "but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant's rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back," and fall off the fraternity's deck.
Louis Helmburg III sued The Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity Inc., of Huntington, West Virginia, and Travis Hughes, a fraternity member, in Cabell County Court.
Helmburg claims - in a statement it would be difficult to deny - that "firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes an 'ultra-hazardous' activity," which exposes both defendants to strict liability.
Helmburg says he suffered pain and medical expenses, and lost playing time on the Marshall University baseball team. He claims the Alpha Tau deck from which he fell lacked a railing, which violated Huntington building codes.
Helmburg says the fiasco came at about 1:30 a.m. on May 1, 2011, at an Alpha Tau house party he attended with his girlfriend.
"Several of the people in attendance at said house party were under the legal drinking age, including defendant Travis Hughes," the complaint states. "Most of the persons in attendance at said house party were also consuming alcohol with the full knowledge and consent of the ATO fraternity."
Several Alpha Tau members were on the deck when Hughes got his bright idea, including one or more fraternity officers, Helmburg says.
The complaint states: "Defendant Hughes was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the ATO deck, located on the back of the ATO house. ...
"Defendant Hughes placed a bottle rocket in his anus, ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in the defendant's rectum, and this startled the plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent the deck.
"There was no railing on said deck at the time of the incident. Upon information and belief, the lack of a railing had existed for at least several months, if not years, before the incident. Upon further information and belief, the deck never had a railing when it was installed, or any time thereafter. The subject deck was approximately 3-4 feet high."
Helmburg says Alpha Tau negligently failed to supervise its guests and members, "such as defendant Hughes, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one's own anus."
As for Hughes, Helmburg says, "Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to fire bottle rockets out of his anus."
It is unclear from the 5-page complaint whether Hughes was injured, or how badly, when the bottle rocket exploded in his rectum.
Helmburg seeks damages for negligence and strict liability.
He is represented by Timothy Rosinsky of Huntington.
I don’t recall Danny ever trying it again either, come to think of it.
I’ve been ‘t!ts up drunk’ a time or two but NEVER drunk enough to ‘launch’ anything out of ‘virgin territory’, LOL!
No. The guy with the bottle rockets accepted the pain of his stupidity without suing anybody.
This guy is suing because he got scared and fell off the porch when the other guy shot a bottle rocket out of his butt!
The guy with the lawsuit is ten times the ass that the guy with the bottle rocket is.
OUCH! I thought I had it bad when I ate too much Indian Food.....Talk about your scorched earth! Sounds like these idiots have been watching the “Jackass” movies too much. The worst thing I do when I’m drunk is drunk dial friends and Ex-Girlfriends....LOL
To #75: Was the guy with his nuts on fire singing “Great Balls of Fire”?
For us oldtimers, these stories are not only a “ Blast From The Past”, but in updated form, “A Blast from the Ass”.
Enough drunk college students would solve our natural gas problems for years.
Now, just image Rosie O’Donnell letting one loose. Would heat a city for months. Also would kill every roach and rat in town.
As an old sailor once said to me, “There’s nothing worse than a week-old beer fart.”
One reason they have banded smoking in the US Congress is the fear of an explosion from all the gasbags they have in it.
This is one of the funniest FR “comments” thread I have ever read. Excuse me, I’ve got to go change my pants.
“I married a nice American girl. She cured me of— walking...now I just march... ;-)”
Good for you. I heard that there was one or two left...I guess it’s now zero or one...
Oh the fume-manity!
Wow. I really got that mixed up.
Thanks
I must’ve lived in a poor neighborhood. All we did was have rock fights, after building our forts.
But when I “grew up” my friend and I had a running fireworks battle as we each drove our own car from Meridian to Pensacola. One blew up in my hand and I damned near couldn’t hear for a week. It was good training for what followed.
I finally quit drinking last year, but “No”...most of my stupid stunts were performed while totally sober.
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“Rocket science” is definitely not involved here, but for the particular individual, “brain surgery” may have applied...
Nope. I’ve been plenty drunk but never quite that drunk.
I don’t care how drunk I am, I will never be that stupid.
I could never be a judge. I sit up there LMAO and pounding on the bench when I heard stories like this.
Your lawsuit is a waste of the court's time and an example of all that is wrong with the American legal system.
It is my sincere hope that this episode has left you unable to father children. Clearly, we do not need more of you.
I dunno, sounds like just another kinky night in San Fagsicko.........
“Bottle rocket?
I though you said butthole rocket!”
...and in other news, a certain hamster had no comment.
/urban legend>
Cheers!
No, those guys prefer gerbils up there.
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