New Element Discovered!

Somewhere On The Web ^ | 24 January 2012 | Unknown Patriot

[Windflier]

The CSIRO has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3-6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.

[Windflier]

An oldie, but a goodie. Particularly appropriate, in light of Odimwit's SOTU speech tonight.

[John Valentine]

The reference to CSIRO (Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation) is a dead giveaway that the “somewhere” on the web where this gem originated is Australia.

[philman_36]

The reference to CSIRO (Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation) is a dead giveaway that the “somewhere” on the web where this gem originated is Australia.
I guess you don't know how many permutations fo this are out there?
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered at the Watson Research Centre.

Elementary, my dear Watson.
Get it?

[philman_36]

shoot - fo of this

[AndyTheBear]

ROTFL...was new to me.

[philman_36]

Check the date and service here...
PRODIGY(R) interactive personal service 07/03/94 8:51 PM
This article is reprinted from the newsletter of the Institution of Radio and Electronic Engineers in Australia.

Yet you have to ask yourself, why would an Aussie be writing a scathing critique hidden in satire about America's government?

[Peter ODonnell]

What role does the Newtrino play in all of that?

And when Obaminum undergoes electoral decay, does it leave any Pelosium, or is all of that destroyed by a blast of T-particles?

[cynwoody]

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratiumregime, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.

[Windflier]

The reference to CSIRO (Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation) is a dead giveaway that the “somewhere” on the web where this gem originated is Australia.

Thanks. I puzzled over that acronym, but didn't take the time to google it.

I guess the Ozzies are as sick of big government as we are, eh mate?

[Windflier]

What role does the Newtrino play in all of that?

And when Obaminum undergoes electoral decay, does it leave any Pelosium, or is all of that destroyed by a blast of T-particles?

Peter, please remind me never to make the foolish mistake of trying to engage you in a battle of wit. That was brilliant!

[philman_36]

There are 312 seats in the American House of Representatives. (...giving it an atomic mass of 312...)
The Australian government doesn't have that many seats combined...The Australian Government
The House of Representatives has 150 members...
Snip...The Senate is composed of 76 members.

The Republicans took the House in November of 1994.

A satirical critique of the American government, not the Australian.

[skr]

Lol!

[RC one]

cooling down gaseous governmentium with a Newtronium based governmentium cooling device will produce a lefton-moron condensate (LMC) whereby all the leftons and morons return to their lowest possible state of energy, their home states.

[John Valentine]

The Republicans took the House in November of 1994.

And there are 12 face cards in a deck. So what?

[John Valentine]

IBM?

[Vendome]

funny

[LittleBillyInfidel]

Encase one in a small solyndra and fire it down a large enron collider and see how many companies it will implode.

[skinkinthegrass]

Oldie/goodie... Yes, it' timeless. :-D

[Windflier]

Sounds like a breakthrough process. Can’t wait to see it implemented!

[philman_36]

I stand corrected...435 seats.
Thanks alpo.