Posted on 12/24/2011 9:20:50 AM PST by SeekAndFind
Spanking has declined precipitously in American society, particularly among the educated. Darshak Sanghavi explores why:
Several experts with whom I spoke pointed to tougher laws on child abuse (that is, fear of prosecution), greater use of no-spanking day-care centers and nannies by two profession couples, or beliefs that spanking causes long-term psychological harm. But these don't necessarily support the personal experience of many parents. At my medical center, for example, I recently interviewed dozens of pediatricians and subspecialists about their own experience, and many recalled being whipped with belts, slapped in the face, or hit in other ways as children. Yet not a single one hit his or her own children today as a routine method of discipline. None of the above explanations seemed on target to them. Instead, they chose not to spank for an entirely practical reason: They had, they said, learned more effective ways of disciplining children.
That knowledge didn't come from their health-care providers. As with many pediatrics residencies, mine included nothing on the practical aspects of parenting. And studies show that pediatricians spend only a few seconds during checkups talking about how to discipline a child. Instead, modern practices of child discipline are conveyed through books, television shows, and other forms of popular culture that have shifted parenting norms. When my wife was pregnant with our first child, we sought out books like How To Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk that followed the path first blazed by Benjamin Spock and T. Berry Brazelton. Mass-marketed child care guides, along with popular shows like ABC's Supernanny (praised even in the august pages of the journal Pediatrics), offered an immersive curriculum on disciplining children without hitting them.
(Excerpt) Read more at theatlantic.com ...
Yep, you got it. It works, and saves a lot of grief later.
When we’re at a restaurant, my children sit quietly, or join in our conversation, and do not run around the place bothering other people. Other couple’s children run around the place.
When we’re at a store, my children follow us (or occasionally lead to the next aisle). Other couple’s children go where they please and play with toys in the middle of the aisles.
When we’re at the doctor’s office, my children wait patiently for their name to be called. Other children play loudly and annoy the other patients.
When we’re driving some place, my children sit buckled in their seats and either watch out the window or talk quietly with one another. Other children climb all over the car and dance to the music, waiting for the head-on collision that will kill them.
When my kids meet someone for the first time they respond with Yes Mam/Sir and No Mam/Sir.
Right, spanking does absolutely no good for your children as evidenced by 99% of the children I see out and about.
Son (antikev on FR) has a Master of Science in Mechanical Engineering, a job, and is as conservative as I am. He has several aviation tickets including glider instructor and was, at one time, the youngest pilot in our city. He talks about getting his Phd. Daughter is in third year Bachelor of Science, Nursing and has a job. She wants to be an MD.
Oh, and they come from a broken home. I left their mother when he was 14 and she was 9. They both came to live with me at 14. I don't know if spanking more would have helped them achieve more. I kind of doubt it.
It's kind of luck of the draw. Some kids you can reason with, some, you can't.
Spanking and beating are two different concepts. A swat on the tush is sometimes needed to get a child’s attention. I have swatted all three of mine on occasion. That being said, I have NEVER used a belt or other hard object. I also never swatted anywhere other than the butt. I have always believed the phrase, “Never hit a child in the face, God has provided a better place”.
So long as you’re of sound mind, he can’t choose your nursing home or whether you even go to one.
Dad used to make my brother and I cut our own switches prior to a whuppin’ - this was 50 years ago. He never overdid it, just the fear of the event helped us to behave.
My brother tried putting a comic book down his pants for padding one time, and that didn’t work out so well.
We stopped spanking our kids and 25 years later, we have Occupy Wall Street.
Good job America.
Methinks spanking still goes on, but people just don’t do it in public or admit to it anymore.
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No truer words were ever spoken. Most of them beat and whip their children. Not spank them.
feminized culture...in another 100 years white men will have testicles the size of green peas and women will just provide eggs
we will go extinct as we know ourselves.
genetic engineering will take over
it will become like troglodytes versus an estrogen dominated brain trust with the wealth
they will need a proxy army...all that we cherish now will seem quaint
how fast we fell after WWII
I don’t spank as much as my parents did, but my parents were also more heavy handed than they needed to be. Corporal punishment in my parents’ home bordered on real brutality.
I swore when I was a child that I’d never do the same to my children, and I haven’t. Personally, I think I found the right balance. My kids respect my wife and I, and are better behaved than average.
The more they cry, the longer it is sustained. They learn to cry little and get it over with. "Spare NOT for their crying." Proverbs 19:18.
It is not used for common childhood mistakes; but it is used when there is a rebellious attitute in the child with regard to being taught or corrected.
Schools have huge discipline problems nowadays. The smart-a** kids know that teachers and principals can’t touch them in any form of punishment, or else they would get sued.
Heck, we’ve all heard the story that years ago, if you got in trouble in school, you were also in trouble at home. Nowadays, some parents are ready to sue if kids get in trouble at school.
Properly used corporal punishment probably helped keep schools in order years ago.
My mother was a devotee of Benjamin Spock when I was a kid, but she beat the hell out of us on a regular basis anyway.
Hitting older children is wrong. Injuring children because of their behavior is wrong. Life is short; give love more than anger. Diffuse your anger otherwise.
However, judicious spankings between the age of around 2 - 6 are useful for some kids. If the child responds with fear and tears and better behavior to only sharp words, use that. One of my sons was so sensitive to verbal reprimands that he never needed a “potch on the tush.”
And that is what spanking should be. A felt but not acutely painful swat on the diapered or dressed tushie. Or a gentle slap on an offending hand. Just to give a reminder about a behavior that could harm property, another, or himself. Period.
Don’t spank for crabby fatigued attitude. Don’t punish a child for being hungry, tired, or coming down with an illness. Be considerate of your child. It’s not his fault if you wear him out at the mall or feed him too much carbs.
Spare the rod and spoil the child is a horrible attitude. Children who grow up trusting their parents are better people for the rest of us to deal with.
I remember being at my buddy's house once. His wife was holding, I believe their first born (they have 9 now), The baby was maybe 2-3 months old. The baby was enamored with my buddy's wifes hair or jewelry (probably jewelry) and was grabbing and pulling. No damage was being done, but to teach the child "NO", a simple flick of a finger on the hand, was enough negative stimulation, that after a few times the child stopped.
That finger flick was in essencea spanking. It didn't cause "pain", more discomfort. Basically telling the baby, if you do this, an uncomfortable thing happens accompanied by the word "NO".
Over time, the child learns the meaning of NO. As the child gets older and bigger, the negative stimulation gets larger.
My buddy and his wife started disciplining their children almost from birth. Today, they can sit in church, as a family, and if a little one gets a little too squirrely, asimple look from mom or dad brings them in line.
Imagine going to a restaurant with a family with so many kids. Waitresses make comments how good the kids are. They'll bring other waitresses over to see the great acting kids. Managers have bought dessert, because the family is so well behaved.
Their HOUSE is FILLED with happy laughter and happy screeching of a little one playing with a brother or sister. The pitter patter of little and not so little feet is all over.
These are kids who don't live in fear and trembling. These are happy, well adjusted kids, who know that if they get out of line, a spanking might follow. So why get out of line?
I've been there when a child has done something wrong. A strong word from mom or dad follows. If its done again a strong word and warning follow. If the bad behavior still continues, the child is removed from the rest of the children, and dad and child go to a bed room. I've never heard wailing or crying or gnashing of teeth. If a child gets a spanking in there, there is no clue. Dad and child don't come out until the child is composed, and ready to resume being with the rest. Discipline isn't about humiliation, its about just enough negative stimulation to change a behavior.
There are really only two reasons to spank a child. Lying and disrespectful behavior. My children learned early that they would never be punished for telling the truth and I always lived up to that. If they told the truth, they would never be punished, no matter what it was that they did. Now they might be made to make restitution (such as the time one son smashed our garage window) but because he fessed up to it, there was no punishment. He only had to do chores to earn the money to pay for a new window.
As for disrespectful behavior, we go to a lot of restaurants and we expected our children to be extremely well behaved in any public place. One time at a House of Pancakes, my sons started acting up at the table when they were about 5 and 7 years old. We calmly but firmly removed them from the restaurant and gave them both pretty spankings once we got to the car. Never again did we have any issue in restaurants.
I continue to be amazed and saddened with what many parents put up with in public with their kids. If their kids are this bratty in a public setting, one can only imagine what the home must be like.
Finally, I have had some rather heated arguments with a family member over spanking. She absolutely refuses to have her children spanked, whether by her or her husband and actually believes that parents that spank their children should be prosecuted and made to serve a jail term. Well as her own brood gets older, they become more disrespectful and out-of-control. She constantly has her hands full with them and they not only disobey her but call her unspeakable things right to her face when they don't get their way on something. (Therefore they usually get their way.) I suppose I should feel vindicated but instead, I feel angry towards her for putting more spoiled, self-obsessed brats into this world.
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