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I don't know what it is about teens. You raise them right and then they pull this stuff. I have one who's goal is to majorly screw up the future and drag us down, too. Honor student and tops at everything until college when everything bombed. So, btdt and after all of it can't afford the t-shirt. Just know we're behind you.

The most important thing is to make sure he's not being charged as an adult. Most states will charge 17 year olds as adults. Get a good attorney who will fight for him. The prosecutor will want to go to court with all of them charged as adults to make his case stronger. Don't let that happen.

Talk to the cops to make them understand this was a one time stupid incident.

Talk to his recruiter (does he have one?). There's been more than one kid here who's had to have their recruiter get them out of jams. Make sure he is on your son's list of character witnesses. Seriously, a recruiter makes for a good “get out of jail” card. Years ago, a relative got in big time trouble and was facing prison but the judge told him either join the army or go to prison - he chose the army. So have your attorney work the scouting and JROTC angles.

Get the JROTC commander, scoutmaster and church pastor on the character witness list. If you can fill the courtroom with people who support him, the judge can't ignore them.

Don't let the police and prosecutor bully you. Here, they go out of their way to bully everyone. The minute they come out with any lie or twist the truth, nip it in the bud. Do NOT let them have an inch or they'll take a mile. Seen it happen far too many times with juveniles and innocent adults. I'm talking now, before the legal processes get underway.

When/if it does get to court, discuss with your attorney about not letting the prosecutor lump all the boys together into one trial. If the others are 18, that’ll give them an excuse to charge your son as an adult, too and they'll try to get the same sentence for all of them.

During your hearing, make sure your attorney doesn't let the prosecutor get off on some tangent or lie. If your attorney doesn't protest, the lie stands. I've seen that happen far too many times, too. Some attorneys don't think it's important so either you poke him in the back (sit yourself directly behind him) and if he won't speak up at least you can frown and shake your heads so the judge sees what you're doing without verbally interrupting his court.

Good luck.

Thank you, everyone. It’s wonderful to be able to “talk” to people like you, with your experience, wisdom, and sound values. So far I haven’t been able to tell any of my friends because they all have amazing children who are going to Stanford or Oxford or are singing opera professionally or winning a prize for medical research or just being lovely, happy, God-loving young people, while I’m just struggling to get my boy through high school. No one among my friends would understand.

And thank you, Admins, for permitting this thread to go through. I know we are supposed to honorably stick with one screenname and in my opening sentences I admitted that this screenname is a new one just made up for this purpose.

My son is probably going to be charged on Tuesday. Which means I have Monday to find a juvenile defense lawyer and get his opinion. My son wants to go to the place he burglarized and personally apologize to the man he hurt and offended. He has already given the cops back the stolen items he had in his possession. He has admitted everything. We told him to tell the truth.

The detective also said that Child Protective Services would come to our house to inspect it and make sure my son was not being abused. You can all imagine how much I dread this.

I just wish to God that somehow the kid could go into the military. Truly, I don’t think he’d need straightening once he got there, as it would be his dream come true. Wish my son could have that option. (Of course he did have the option; he just blew it. I mean, I wish I could have the option to get his act straightened out now when he really needs it.)

This is so stupid. These guys were dressing up in camos and chasing each other around in the woods on “missions,” playing Soldiers and Terrorists as if they were eight years old. They were like little kids, shooting each other with paintballs and saying “Dude, you’re dead!” And then one thing led to another, to another, to another. Then it wasn’t a kid’s game anymore; it’s a serious crime.

Those of you who note that there is a seed of good in even great trials are right. Everyone’s favorite scripture verse is Romans 8:28: “All things work for good for those who are called according to His purpose.”

God help us.

I am the mother of teenaged boys, too, and if one of my sons ever did those things, I would be shocked and very worried, just like you are.

However, think about the days when you were in your teens. I remember many teenaged boys doing stupid things and getting into all sorts of trouble when I was young. (I was no angel myself when I was a teenaged girl!) We all make mistakes. He’s still young, and he can set his life on the right path again. Now that you know what he’s been up to, you can keep a closer eye on what he’s doing. Saying a prayer for you!

Mother, mother, mother, mother...STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP.
This son of yours has a wonderful life in front of him IF he learns his lesson from this situation. Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. Your son will turn this around. God is on your son's side and He will make this evil to be good in your son's life. Now rest in your Faith that God is sovereign and NOTHING is going to happen to your son that the Father has not designed for the better of your son's life. Rest, rest...and know that this is going to be ok.

First of all take a deep breath and remember that God is in charge.

Someone in one of the previous posts stated that God was the only perfect parent. Yes, and look what Adam and Eve did to him in the garden. If the first children of God failed him, how can we expect to do any better.

Prayers for you and your son. May the Lord give you peace that passes all understand. I have seen and heard of miracles in the courtroom as well as in the hospital. My suggestion is to give the issue to God and no matter the outcome of the court, the potential lawsuit from the damaged party, or anything else. Trust in him and lean not on your own understanding. This may well be the wake-up call that turns him around and could be the preventive measure that keeps him from doing even worse.

I have two different friends that have raised sons in the church that had one of their sons really ran them through a rough patch at about 17-18. Both sets of parents spent many a night in prayer. Both of the boys are now so grateful for their parents and so sorry for what they did that they can’t do enough for their parents.

Both of my sons (raised in the church and in scouts) went through a major attitude at that age. You would have thought that my hubby and I took the biggest stupid pill ever made. Our youngest is now 21 and our oldest is 26. Currently the youngest still had a bit of the attitude, but has improved greatly since he is out on his own. Meanwhile the oldest thinks that we are very smart, in fact we are most likely bordering on brilliant in his eyes.

Please let us know how it all turns out.

get a lawyer, even if it is a public defender. If he has a clean record, and a known learning disability, they might let him off with counseling and community service, by pleading that his learning disability made him vulnerable to the other’s manipulation.

The Army is out. Try a trade school type education instead. I’d say the Job corps, but my son reports a lot of criminal and drug users are in the Job corps and their crimes are overlooked out of political correctness. My son did well because he is Hispanic and the Hispanics stuck together and followed the rules because they wanted jobs, so it’s not all programs.

I’ll remember you in my prayers.

Thank you for sharing about your son and this situation. Asking God to comfort you and give you peace right now. Prayers for your son, your family, and his stupid friends & their families. This situation calls for the Great Physician.

My 16 year old godson is in rehab right now and has put his parents and all of us who care about him through a lot in the last two years, so I can relate in a godmother-like way to the tears, fears & grief.

I’m glad you posted, God bless.

Lots of good advice. Were it my son, which it well could be, I would try the suggestion that he approach the people he burglarized. I believe it was a construction company.

Offer to go to work for them and have all of his earnings withheld by the company until the damage was repaid.

iow, he goes to work every day, but his paycheck will always be zero. Sounds like you would be willing to feed and house him. Perhaps even offer an extra year to make it a win (free labor) for the company.

Yes, you are wise to ask for prayers for your son; it is the wisest thing a parent can do.

Sin has broken out and God is in the business of dealing with sin. So don't go beating yourself up and do go pour out your feelings to God in Prayer and do entrust your son to Him.

After all, he is a grown man now and you are entering the phase of life where you will encounter grown kid issues and am sure you did not think his life would be a bed of roses.

The Apostle Paul says "Everything by Prayer and Supplication". May that be your motto and as much as possible to reduce the head to knee time to zero.

You are a wise mother and I commend you!

Redemption. It's knocking on his door. Many years ago while working for a foreign affairs agency, I was involved with conducting a background investigation of an older gent being processed for a security clearance. Though gray haired and of advanced years, there was a rocky hardness to his features. His hands were covered in jailhouse tattoos; old, blue-black, and smudged with the passage of time. He explained how he came to acquire them. As a teenager in the 1950s he ran with a dangerous crowd involved with vandalism and breaking and entering. Predictably, they took to robbing liquor stores and gas stations. He was caught, tried, and convicted of armed robbery. While in the state penitentiary, he'd come to realize the damage done not only to himself, but to others; most notably, how he'd broken his mother's heart. With the intercession of the prison chaplain, he'd slowly made his way back to the point where he sat with me in my office that day; a grandfather, a retired professor with a PhD in agricultural economics, helping Third World villagers develop irrigation systems. A man with old jailhouse tattoos and a small shining cruciform on his lapel. Take heart, mother.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." - Revelation 3:20

I wish I had some advice concerning the military but I have no expertise whatsoever in that. However, is it possible for you and your ex to sit down together.. rationally and discuss this situation? I realize that ex-relationships can be explosive but I am hoping if the two of you can make a plan together.... this won’t be resting entirely on your shoulders. That being said, I would stop the contact IMMEDIATELY from your son and his other two friends. Your son deceived you by saying he was at a friend’s home and playing XBox. In short, you can’t trust him at his word right now. I would also check his room for drugs or other material. By check... I mean I would pull up the mattress, pull out the drawers, check every shoe/box/container/bag. I would want to be sure in my mind that other issues aren’t at hand. Finally, I will definitely keep you and your son in my prayers. I will say WalkingFeather’s prayer since it is so beautiful and meaningful. Hang in there, Last Conservative.

So last night at ten p.m. I was stumbling around in a field in the countryside, with tears streaming down my face due to a lot of confused emotions, one of which I admit was an unChristian fear. I loudly and repeatedly begged God to help us. When I came home I wrote Post #1, and within a few minutes you had all started to help. You are all the answer to my prayer. Must be a nice feeling to know you’re doing God’s specific will! Thank you all.

Yes, my ex and I have a very good relationship and work together well for the sake of our children, so we are in basic agreement.

Hi Last Conservative in MoCo,You and your family will be in our prayers in a special way on Tuesday.I have 6 children,one is with God.My advice is personal.First sit down with him and tell him you forgive him.Ask him what drugs he is using.Ask him to honest with you about his future plans-he might feel pushed in a certain direction.Do not blame the Father and work together for your child.It’s none of your friends business so hold this close.Trust me they have stuff going on.Accept him for who he is and not what people want him to be.((((Hugs))))God bless,Fatima