(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

Barack Hussein Obama Presidential Library.. and it only cost a trillion dollars.
WHAT A DEAL...

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly, a man knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened; what's the hold up?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Michael Moore, Hillary Clinton, Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. "They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"

"About a gallon."



Three women were talking about their husbands' performance as a lover.

The first woman says "My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."

The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough . I kinda like that."

The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Obama. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how its the Tea Party's fault he can't get it up....


A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.

"Good man," the fairy said, "I've been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children."

The man told the fairy "Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them."

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -- PING !-- he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

"What else?" asked the fairy, "Two more to go."

The refugee claimant now got bolder. "I need a big house with a three-car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here" --- and -- PING !-- in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three-car garage, a long driveway, and a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.

"One more wish," said the fairy, waving her wand. "Yes, one more wish."

I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero. And I want to have white skin like Americans" ---and --- PING ! -- The man was transformed - wearing worn-out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

"What happened to my new teeth?" he wailed. "Where is my new house?"

The fairy said, "Tough shit, Amigo, now that you are a white American, you have to fend for yourself."


King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers.
Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire, ...and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent.. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss.... and you can bet your ass it's probably not an accident either."

[P.O.E.]

(Courtesy of Redd Foxx):

So I’m on vacation in Mexico, driving through the market square, and run over a street vendor.

The police stop me and say “Didn’t you see him standing there in the middle of the street with his tamale wagon?”

I said, “I didn’t even notice his fly was down”.

[Oratam]

[Izzy Dunne]

[cartan]

[Pan_Yan]

Some legal humor

It is an actual opinion in a multi-million dollar case about ... toilet paper. It was written by a judge with a sense of humor.

[AnyStreetFL]

Our troops are simply too awesome, so ENJOY!

[existentialist]

Wall Street finally gets it....

[Baynative]

on a serious note: It's kind of interesting that while all Presidential Libraries extensively detail the years before the president entered office, Obama will have to eliminate the historical data of his life and begin it all with his extravagant media campaign of '08.

Possible they can design a "Half Library". My guess would be a middle eastern mega monument with nothing inside but a basketball court and surround it with a golf course.

[existentialist]

In the wake of Bin Laden’s death, Radical Muslims have gone on a rampage in Southern California, killing anyone who’s a legal US citizen.

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 2.
_____

Reagan telling a joke about Democrats.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK3Eo9cScEQ&feature=share

[dragonblustar]

That's about all Obama can say.....

[dragonblustar]

[dragonblustar]

[DejaJude]

Where's ATMs on the wheel?

[Lucky9teen]

Heyayyyy!!!


How you doin?

[Loud Mime]

From Stephen Wright

I went to a ballet performance last night. All the dancers were on
their toes. I wondered why they didn't hire taller dancers?

[Lucky9teen]

Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack Obama meets a man with a beard. ‘Are you Mohammed?’ he asks.

‘No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.’ Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room
where he meets other bearded man.

He asks again, ‘Are you Mohammed?’

‘Why no he answers, I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still .’

Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic looking man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, ‘Are you Mohammed?’

‘No, I am Jesus, the Christ...you will find Mohammed higher up. ‘

Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man, oh man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher.

Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard and once again repeats his
question, “Are you Mohammed?” he gasps as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing. ‘No, my son.... I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, but you look exhausted. Would you like a cup of coffee?”

Obama says, Yes please. As God looks behind him, he claps his hands and yells out:

“Hey Mohammed - two coffees!”

Keep your trust in God... your president is an idiot.

[GSWarrior]

[Lucky9teen]

Alex Trebek: I hate you! The answer was February. That's the month that starts with Feb. It was last month!

Sean Connery: Aha! A trick question!

Alex Trebek: Yeah, it was a trick question, Mr. Connery. Why don't you pick a category?

Sean Connery: I've got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.

Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.

Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?
Alex Trebek: It's not a product, Mr. Connery.

Sean Connery: Because I've ordered devices like that before - wasted a pretty penny, I don't mind telling you. And if The Penis Mightier works, I'll order a dozen.

Alex Trebek: It's not a Penis Mightier, Mr. Connery. There's no such thing!

Nicholas Cage: Wait, wait, wait.. are you selling Penis Mightiers?

Alex Trebek: No! No, I'm not.

Sean Connery: Well, you're sitting on a gold mine, Trebek!

[existentialist]